Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Help! What do I tell him about the testing?

Hmm, tried to post in response to this but my post somehow disappeared.

We're planning on being pretty straightforward with him (glad aeh thinks this is a good idea, as I've quickly learned to trust her advice), including about any possible LDs. I would think it would be helpful to explain to him that X is the reason handwriting is so hard for him, and we can do Y to help him with it. On the other hand, we may temper the truth if there is something dramatic about the results.

Oh, and as an update - he is really enjoying the testing. Apparently he interrupted some instructions to tell Dr. A that she's really nice and that "this is really fun". He also talked my ear off about it the whole way back. Mind you, I figured out that he must have gotten a whole section wrong - it was to do with the relative weight of objects and he didn't catch on (given that it was in pictures, I guess) that different sized objects can weigh the same thing. Sigh. George C, I may not have to eat my hat after all!

Can't believe we have to wait until July for the results (I don't do well with waiting)! And who knows, I may have to leave this forum if it turns out he's not actually gifted!

I'm still struggling with how exactly to present the info to my daughter. "So, you did great at your evaluation, you were cooperative and friendly which was very helpful. And we learned that you are 'gifted.' Do you know what that means?" (No.) "Well, your brain works different. Not different-bad. Sort of different-good. Not different-better." And I'm tripping over my words in my imaginary conversation in my head already so I just keep not saying anything.

Why were you having her tested in the first place? You could use that as your starting point. So for instance, maybe you can explain that it's because you want to make sure that how things are taught at school is a good fit for how her brain works. Maybe you can explain that with the information you have, you can do more to help her flourish. Or whatever the case may be. I think it can be more about the way forward than about the actual numbers. Personally, I wouldn't emphasize those too much. Especially if they are particularly high, she may worry about having to keep up with that standard! I'd also tell her that this is just one piece of the equation and that it's not a huge deal.

This is how I explained it to my daughter (7.5):

Before: An evaluation where they will ask you a bunch of questions and the goal is to help figure out how you learn best so that we can figure out how to make school better (it was horrible that year, so this was the right explanation). The questions get harder and harder so don't worry or feel bad if you get to one that you don't know. That's the way it works and they are supposed to get harder than just about anyone will know. It doesn't mean you did badly. (Setting expectations around her perfectionism, though she did point out that on a bunch of stuff, they never did get harder and they ran out of questions -- lol, that was unexpected).

Afterward, she was with us when the tester went over the results, standard deviation and normal ranges and all. So she knew her number and seemed happy that she did 'well'.

The way I explained it to her later though was like this:

When a baby is born, their brain is like a cup. And when you are tiny, there are only a few drops of knowledge in your cup (like mama and papa love you). Over the years, you work to fill your cup up. And with hard work, you can even stretch your cup a little bit, but not forever. Your evaluation showed that you are lucky to have a very large cup. This means that it can be easier to fill sometimes and that it will hold more. But it doesn't mean you know everything yet... you still have to work to fill your cup up as much as you can by learning all kinds of new things. And having a different sized cup isn't something you can help, just like you can't help your hair color or how tall you are, so you don't want to make other people feel badly about themselves, just like you don't have to feel badly about how you are.

My DD is now 13, and she mentioned just the other day that she shared this metaphor with a group of kids who were wondering about her skipping a grade. And they all thought it was a great explanation.

Ivy, the cup metaphor is a really great way to explain this! I may start using that myself!

Ivy, I love that explanation! Absolutely the perfect metaphor!

Add me to the list of fans - I also love this cup simile or analogy! Great explanation for age 7.5... and also age 13.