Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Help with reasonable expectations

Hi! My daughter will be two in may, and I find that most of the developmental literature seems to be remarkably unhelpful to me in understanding where she is at developmentally. I tried searching for some of the things she is doing, which brought me to davidson.

She was an early talker, her first word, "kitty" was at 7 months, and now she can speak in full sentences, which are grammatically correct. correct use of tense, etc. She counts, knows her abcs, and has picked up some sight words and can read some basic books... though I believe those to be from memory.

In terms of gross motor skills, she seems ahead, but not so much so that I was surprised... slightly above average.

She seems to have a really high emotional intelligence... emotional control. I find her very aware of when she chooses not to follow instructions, etc. and she has never had a tantrum that I can't reason her out of.

She is too early to be tested, I think... given that I will likely just be reading a lot to her and helping her develop her interests, and supporting them...I struggle with wondering if my expectations of her are too high, given what I think she can comprehend, and wondering if I am being fair to her. I don't want to think she is able to comprehend something she can't, and it seems so far out of what is considered "developmentally normal"

I am at a loss. Do you have any suggestions on how to identify her strengths and weaknesses at this age? and how to help with specific needs? even a resource so that I can help develop some skills in parenting her?

Thanks so much~

All excellent ideas above.

I'll add to give her the benefit of the doubt. For undesirable behavior, if it isn't extremely clear that she is deliberately misbehaving, then assume that she has some reason for her actions that she is not yet able to articulate for you, despite her advanced language. She may have rationales which are perfectly logical from her perspective, that aren't obvious to either an adult or a typically-developing toddler. If it's a persistent behavior, try to figure out what her reasoning might be.

As a corollary, respect her rationality by being consistent and reasonable in your exercise of parental authority. She may already have a well-developed sense of justice, and arbitrary and unpredictable adult decisions and disciplinary actions will violate that sense of essential fairness.

For activities or experiences that might be expected to be above her, give her the benefit of the doubt--that she might be able to access some or all of it, or gain something from the experience. She will likely surprise you with what and how much she takes from it.

Remember that she is still a toddler. (You may have to remind other people of this more than yourself, since you probably don't know any different! ) Even if she can speak, reason, and self-regulate like a preschooler, she still has a toddler's stomach, and maybe sleep needs, too. It is likely still true that the vast majority of momentary challenges can be solved with a snack, a nap, or a cuddle. She will also go through sudden growth spurts--physically, mentally, and emotionally--which may involve puzzling or difficult periods, as she prepares for or regroups from rapid change.

Above all, enjoy every moment. These precious toddler years will be gone before you know it.

Thanks to both of you! Yes, this is so much fun. I LOVE being a parent to this little girl.

Those are some great suggestions, I def have to remind myself that she isn't even two yet. Because so much of her development is asynchronous, I forget that when she is advanced on one area, she is still learning the corresponding skills in other areas.

All in all I just wonder at her. She read me a book before dinner, almost word for word and I couldn't help but glow. It definitely mitigated the frustrating evening we were having until I suggested reading; it seems to be a centering activity for her.

I really love the idea of making her own book. She will love love love that

Thank you so much for this advice.

Right now, she does function well with other kids, I think. At least her daycare seems to think she does well. They have remarked to me that she is "REALLY smart", they tell me that all the time. But she also seems to be able to run around with the other kids just fine too, and has a few friends.

It does seem like she can't relate to their more verbal interactions though. Which is fine now, because they are all under two, and have very few conversations. I can see this becoming more of a problem later. She seems very confused by them, and if I am still in the room, she will defer and converse with me before I leave.

I will protect her, and I appreciate the reminder to do so. It seems I already feel that heat; I can't talk about her "accomplishments" because people just don't believe me. Or roll their eyes at me, because I am being insufferable. I'm just proud of her, she makes me light up!

I will privately enjoy my wonderful little girl thank you, again.

Definitely following this thread. I, too, have to silently enjoy my little boy (22 months) as he's just SO different from kids his own age. While he has never read to us, he did bring me a book tonight that I forgot we even had and said the title fairly clearly; "Go Dog, Go". He's never said any book titles before, much less one he'd not yet been read, so I was shocked. He's like that though, quiet and unassuming, then he does something that just makes your jaw drop. He's not in day care or anything, but we go to a play co-op where the owners tend to field a lot of questions about how old he is - very few approach me directly about it. My own Pediatrician wouldn't even believe me when I started asking about how to potty train (he's shown a lot of very clear signs)or when I raised concerns about some autistic tendencies and OCD-like behaviors. She brushed it off saying "he's clearly not Autistic, he looks you in the eye, smiles at you, and is social". Never mind that I had *just* explained to her that he doesn't respond to his name (never has), hits his head when frustrated (always has), and does NOT like things to be out of place, he also seems to daydream a lot and spaces out (no seizures, we had that checked out). Oh, and regarding the Tiger Parenting...that pedi had the audacity to assume that since DS liked sharing colors, numbers, and letters to her at about 15 months old, I was hot-boxing him, then proceeded to advise me to "let him be a kid".

In short, so many things resonate with me too; the isolation, the assumptions, the worries, and the amazement with which I look at my child.

I love this post!!

Maladroit, I quoted you, and then replied... I meant to respond as well!

Everything you said. Everything. Maybe except the ped thing, DD's ped seems to wonder at her too, and I feel as if his office is really the only place I can speak about my daughter without downplaying what she does.

Have fun with your little one:) Try introducing concepts much earlier than you would expect, you will be surprised at how quickly they catch on.

I agree with everyone above, you have to know what people you can share with. Many with kids remotely the same age and many teachers will not handle it well (they will either not believe you or worry that they are not doing enough for their kids...like it is 100% nurture related).

My DD was not that dissimilar from your child at that age. She is now in early elementary and is likely in the highly gifted range. It has been a fun (and sometimes stressful) ride:)

Thank you! I have been starting to read more books that are "beyond age level", books with more words, and she seems be enjoying them a LOT. Her attention span for reading is crazy!

I have also tried not to speak to her like she is two, and just speak to her like I would any other person; I have noticed no difference in her comprehension for the most part. Sometimes, she will look at me quizzically, but she mostly seems to understand and we continue doing whatever we were doing.

Mostly, I have been working with her on interacting with people and animals, being gentle with dogs and cats, I think... which is always age appropriate... but she had the cat on her lap last weekend and was talking to her "kitty is scared, it's ok kitty, it's alright kitty, dont be scared"... i was kind of impressed