Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy When one child is winning everything

I'm sure we've had this topic before, and I'll revisit archives, but...

DS has recently won a lot of stuff, including something where he placed statewide and a couple art contests, one with a large cash prize. DS is NOT especially good at art! However, his art is charismatic and detailed for his age.

Meanwhile, older DD is in middle school (always fun) and while she HAS excelled in a couple things lately, it doesn't really compare to what keeps going on for DS. Also, art has been her thing. She's really very good at it and in a totally different league than DS. But for whatever reason, possibly, of course, completely random, when she enters these same contests, she does not place. This last one really was terribly hard for her. She feels like he is now good at everything she is good at, plus things she is not good at. (This is untrue, but she feels that way.) Also, he has gotten a whole lot of publicity and glory (picture large photos of his face everywhere) and man, it's hard.

Also, and this is probably quite a lot of it, DS has a fairly sunny personality and DD is quite challenging. So, he wins everything PLUS we rarely struggle with him behaviorally.

They have always had pretty bad sib rivalry and this is not helping at all. I feel for her, intensely. I also do not want to make him feel bad or small about his accomplishments. Any advice for those who have BTDT?

Yes, we did discuss that the judges for these art contests have been "regular" people, not artists. DD actually does consistently get picked for art things where an art teacher chooses art to go on display regionally, etc. It's not that she has never been recognized, so she needs to keep that in mind. But she doesn't win the fun, splashy things.

Life does tend to come very easily to DS. I don't see him negatively affected by it thus far. However, it's something to keep in mind.

DS is quite unlikely to continue to win at art as he gets older, and that's fine with him, I think. It's so hard because he really doesn't care about this and DD does, so much. He just thinks it's fun to win. The other area where he recently won something big is important to him and something where he puts in serious time, so that's different.

Unfortunately the two also play the same sport (not my idea!!!), and DS is more naturally gifted.

Sounds like our middle school DD's are dealing with a lot of the same things! Our DD10 has an older sister (both now in same grade since younger DD accelerated)who is "perfect". Teachers say it, other parents say it - poor DD10 has accepted that as truth. Older DD makes friends easily, is organized, loves sports, and is just a pretty easy kid to be around. Older DD wins at "life skills". DD10 is sarcastic and touchy so people miss the amazing humor and kindness that lies below the surface(she's good with toddlers and babies, great comedic writer). It makes for a big sibling rivalry. We have tried to keep them separated in sports and other after school activities, but it is hard because they are close in age and both girls - unlike your 2.
I don't think I have any advice so am just giving a big nod and saying "Have the same thing going on over here!" We keep working at it and trying to help them work on their own gifts. Exhausting, yes.