Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments DD12 losing focus in middle school

DD is in her first year of middle school in a magnet program. We had several available to us and DD chose a somewhat less competitive program with a focus she liked where the kids struck her as more "her people" (it's not an insane grade-focused rat race). However, after spending her elementary years in a gifted program with strict entrance requirements, this has been different, and less is required of her. She started off the year getting 100% in everything all the time, but as time has passed, her grades are slipping, with low Bs and an occasional C popping up on assignments. She is not currently on track to maintain the straight As she has brought home every year of her entire life (now getting mostly As, couple of Bs). When asked, she simply protests that she's doing so much better than the other kids and "you don't know, everyone else would think that's such a good grade." Getting her to do HW is a struggle.

DD appears to have fallen in with a popular crowd, which is kind of interesting since she's goofy, socially young and immature. She is rather pretty and fashion conscious, which may be part of it, and brought a BFF with her from elementary who is very socially savvy. She is preoccupied with boys and figuring out being 12, I think, and also kind of an emotional wreck on the inside. So I give her slack for that, but also I think she is intentionally blowing school off because she sees #1, that it possibly is not cool to excel and #2 that the kids around her are not focused on academic excellence, which is new to her. Of note, one of her favorite subjects is very poorly taught at this school. Also of note, math is at times a genuine challenge (she is 2 years accelerated) and she cannot get away with not concentrating in that one class.

Part of me says, hey, it's 6th grade and middle school is hard all around, but unfortunately admission to the magnet high school programs is cutthroat. What matters is end of term grades.

Also of note, DD is a sensation seeker who loves risk, scary roller coasters, excitement and the unknown.

Guessing others have gone through this in middle school and wondering how to handle it. DD shows no outward concern abut poor grades--blows it off.

It drives me crazy how high-stakes our local system is. I wish grades didn't matter. I need to look into it a little more, because we worried in elementary (!) due to the admission race for middle, but it turned out only 5th grade mattered. Perhaps 6th is not looked at here, though I haven't heard so. It would be great if she could find her feet for a year.

I know she is dealing with a lot emotionally and socially, like most middle schoolers, but more so because...she's her. So, at times I wonder if we need to let some of her potential "rest" because she is challenged emotionally and psychologically. Academically, she can kick it with just about anyone except for PG kids who are inventing cures for cancer as middle-schoolers, etc, but there are other factors making it hard.

I'm seeing the same drop in conscientiousness in my son. He used to be super keen, managed meeting deadlines and very eager to do things completely and correctly. At the moment he has two big projects in the works; a science project and a social studies info report. He has missed numerous milestones in the science project and is just now pulling it together. He is also behind in all the milestones for the social studies paper. He seems to not care and uses weak excuses for not completing.

He has had other issues this year but I wonder if it's a common stage? The beginning of the testing phase of early teenage years. "What if I don't do it?" "What will happen then?" Well, not much is what he'll find.

It seems that schools don't have a definite cut off for projects and kids don't fail anymore (grades that is). I'm not saying that the new way is 100% bad. I'm not in the world of education. It does make it difficult to make a case that it is very important to meet deadlines.

It seems that in middle school everything gets more complex - social things, academic challenges (or the lack of), fitting in etc.

I've heard that grades 8 and 9 are really the lost years for both boys and girls. I have no wisdom to share. I hear that as the hormonal storm quietens that they come back to earth.

As gifted kids at least we know they will have what it takes academically once things calm down.

Just going to throw in a sympathetic nod. We had a loss of focus around the same age, too (and we homeschool, so it wasn't the middle school social scene!). No romantic interests, no social posturing, just trying to figure oneself out, and negotiating generally bigger, adolescent emotions, and shifts in relations with parents. It lasted about 6-9 months, and then kind of sorted itself out. No illusions that this is the end of adolescent angst, but that particular wave seems to be past.

How did you handle the loss of focus in an homeschooling environment?

Mostly, we just rode it out, allowing energies to re-distribute more to emotional development and re-working our relationships. We didn't abandon academics, but we did re-prioritize them. As you say, there's really no fear of "falling behind" academically. If there is a temporary period when a child doesn't progress academically at the pace at which we know they are nominally capable, it's well worth the investment in emotional and relational growth, in my view.

This is not any better here. It's been a hard year all around. Looking forward to June. Only thing I can say is that I don't know many parents who say it's been a good year! Wheels seem to be falling off the bus for almost everyone...a lot of drama, disorganization, lackluster grades, rebellion, etc all around.

Ultramarina and Tillamook,

Your stories resemble my DD11's. He came from a magnet all gifted elementary school where the work was challenging as were his peers. He's now at the local high-scoring middle school in the "honors" track with accelerated math but the work is not hard (the bar to get into this honors track is low but it's the only honors track). There's just a great deal of it. The work does not seem deep at all, it's just a challenge for him to manage six periods of tests, projects, homework, online extra stuff, all around busywork, etc. He's had all A's all year but has been slipping due to lack of focus. He knows all the content backwards and forwards but the teachers seem to load on the busywork. He's come really far with regard to EF but it seems that lately, he just wants a break from the volume of work and he slips.
Middle school was a whole new thing for him and he is slowly navigating the social aspects.
Hope things are going well for you!