Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment Testing is done; decisions to be made

Debbie,
I�m so glad you finally have conclusive proof of the extent of your son�s intellectual ability and needs!

We don�t have an immediate necessity (or spare cash), but since I�m from MN, I have mulled over the idea of bringing one or both kids in for a consult with Dr. Ruf during a visit. She really impressed my husband and me when we went to her parent seminar at the DYS summit last year. I would bet she could get very specific with school recommendations if you are from the twin cities.

Since Ania brought up the school issue, I would highly recommend looking into other schooling options too. My ds (and I) have just returned home from his second day of orientation at the new college prep school that he was fortunate enough to receive financial aid to attend and he could not be more in his element socially! Judging by the little instruction I heard in the last few minutes, the pace of instruction and temperament of the instructor seem perfectly tailored to his ability and personality also.

delbows - Not to be a stalker but, I didn't know you're from MN? Are you from the cities? I'd love to hear more about the school you chose for your son! PM me if you can share anything!

I apologize for my confusing post. I grew up in MN, but live in IL now. I meant to say that I would like to take them to Dr. Ruf during one of our family visits to MN.

I thought maybe a fantastic school somewhere was missed by my radar. Thanks anyway!

Bumping away the spam!

Debbie:

It's great that you've made such a commitment to understand your DS inside and out - Ruf is expensive. As I think she'd be the first to say, you've got a magnificent challenge (paired with magnificent opportunity) in really challenging such an able child to realize his full potential.

FWIW, I'd be feeling exactly the same emotions you've expressed in your place. But it seems as though your hearts are in the right place, and you clearly are focusing on his needs, so I personally would give excellent odds that you will do right by him, even if every step along the way is not perfect. Take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back for all you've done so far.

Ian

Do share :-) We're still a year into that denial and I fear in a major moment of denial agreed to public but we are slated with a - from all accounts - awesome teacher. But I'm sure I speak for many... your next post can't be too long :-)

Debbie,

I am glad you got great results from Dr Ruf herself. I think the advise itself is even more worth it than the results itself. After all she has seen many, many gifted kids.

Hi everyone!
I am back at home (actually work right now!) and still digesting all the information. Dr. Ruf's report atually arrived at our house before we did! DH and I have both read it but are planning on sitting down tonight to discuss and list out options.

I don't even know where to start - except to say thanks for the support and pointing out my denial I told you guys how I have gone between "you're not THAT smart" and "How smart ARE you??" Well, now I have my answer! As time passes I'm finding more of the pride and less of the fear - I know that this news is so much better than what other parents face in terms of disabilities and difficulties. I definitely need to count my blessings on this one

The bottom line on the academic stuff is that MrWiggly needs "very flexible and individualized academic programming" per Dr. Ruf. She notes that his ability scores predict that, with the right instruction, he should be done with Algebra 1 and 2 by about 10 years old. She mentioned something about potentially ready for calculus by 12. Yikes! She really emphasized the need for us as parents to help provide the right opportunities and instruction. She doesn't feel that homeschooling is the best option for him because he is such an extrovert and thrives on groups. She also informed me that *I* wouldn't be the best teacher for him!! More on that later.

I've updated our principal on the report and left him a copy this morning. We'll be talking with him tomorrow, I think. Dr. Ruf suggested letting MrWiggly go to third grade for now with as much differentiation as they can offer but perhaps partial homeschooling for math or providing a tutor at the school, so he is working at his own pace and level for math. She felt that the math instruction is the priority. It was nice how she helped us prioritize and said to just work on getting the math instruction in place, then address the other needs.

We talked a lot about personality types and how MrWiggly's is apparently the "least preferred" by typical elementary school teachers (he's ENFJ). That combined with his ability make MrWiggly and typical public school a bad match. She wasn't surprised at all that he felt so unsupported by his teacher.

In terms of social and emotional well being, Dr. Ruf was concerned about MrWiggly needing "true peers." She feels that he will never find them in the small rural school he attends. I agree. She also pointed out that even in a gifted magnet school it will be the "luck of the draw" in terms of class assignments and whether he is in a class with anyone smarter. But he desparately needs to be with kids at and above his level. Dr. Ruf identified risks involved with E kids who are so perfectionistic and competitive. MrWiggly has already developed a pattern of needing to be the "best and smartest" and if he perceives that he can't be then he just gives up and does something easier and more fun. She feels that in the right setting with other GT kids he'll be motivated for achievement and gain some humility (both much needed!).

We talked at length about my relationship with MrWiggly and how the two of us (me: ENFJ, him: ENFP) just don't make a good pair in some situations. She pointed out how his intense emotional side pulls on my own to manipulate me and how my response to him, being a true "giver" is to baby him. My husband tried NOT to look smug, but I saw him snicker! That's why I'd be a bad teacher for MrWiggly.

Oh, I'm sorry, I've got a patient here now so gotta run. Sorry to cut it off, but I'll do another installment later!