Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Refusal to practice musical instrument

Just a few thoughts- what are the goals/reasons for studying cello? I hear you when you raise concerns about staying with th program if she takes a break, which suggests you hope this is a long-term activity? Does your DD?

I think you need to explore with the orchestra teacher your concerns as noted above, but also discuss strategies for motivation and practice if you and DD both want to continue. We have found the school music teachers to be good allies, and they have a lot of experience with this issue, so it wouldn't hurt to ask.

In our program, yes, kids can get kicked out, but there is usually a lot of communication and working together (or not) before things get to that point. As a previous poster noted, if she is truly keeping up, she may not see practice as useful, and this may require some explicit explanations, or interventions.

When our kids were in the early stages of learning instruments, we ended up adding private lessons, in a large part to help with motivation and practicing. The private teacher provided individual attention, which could help with perfectionist issues, but also was able to assign music and exercises that were more challenging and more interesting than what was being learned at school. The school group lessons serve a purpose, but are by design limited in what they accomplish.

The rapport with and encouragement of a professional musician has been invaluable, as well, though I will say it is important to find the right fit. One of my kids still doesn't practice regularly, goes through spurts, but the teacher gets this about him and works with him- there are times when they focus more on theory, or musicality, or spend more time talking about music in general. For our DS, this is ideal, but obviously would depend on the kid and her/your goals.

I was in band/wind symphony up through part of college and I think if she can stick with it, she would really enjoy that aspect of being in a group. Otherwise I would just say keep on with the piano, since it is practiced, and be done with it. No other instruments. I'm not sure what dd's motivation is. She likes the group aspect, but she was like this with piano too. She wanted to take the lessons but didn't want to practice for a long period of time.

I'll email the teacher and see if she is keeping up. There was a period where the teacher was concerned and changed up the groups. She was concerned about everyone, not just dd, and said that the previous group was very disruptive, hyper, and they were all falling behind. If she says that DD is still having problems with X,Y, and Z maybe we can try private lessons til the end of the year but if she still won't practice, I don't think we can keep on with the cello. Private lessons are $30 for 30 min. which seems outrageous if the time isn't put into it at home as well.

I would contact the teacher and find out. Maybe she is playing just as well as the other students in her group and feels no need to practice to get better than they are? Trying to fit in?

[quote=blackcat I'm not sure what dd's motivation is. She likes the group aspect, but she was like this with piano too. She wanted to take the lessons but didn't want to practice for a long period of time.[/quote]

Each of my children has gone through periods like this with the instruments they play. Sometimes it's just a phase where practicing is boring so they simply don't want to bother, sometimes it's lack of motivation because they don't need to practice to keep up. DS is the musician in my family - he loves loves loves music and plays both piano and an instrument in school band. He actually participates in more than one band... but he has very little spare time due to homework. When he has downtime, he likes to play piano - what he wants to play, not necessarily what his teacher wants him to practice. I'm sure we're a great example of what *not* to do, but fwiw, he's also made great progress on piano and his other instrument over the years, and he's doing really well in band without practicing. At home, I'm blown away by how wonderful he sounds when he plays piano. He's not going to get into Julliard, but otoh, he never planned on a career in music anyway, it's his release and relaxation and his fun and he plays confidently enough and well enough to play for friends in social situations. So I'm ok with him not practicing and/or just playing what he wants to at home, and for us, it's worked out a-ok.

If he wasn't keeping up with what he needed to be able to play for band, I'd want him to practice, but I think it's important not to forget that our kids are practicing their instruments every time they pick them up to play during band class at school - so it's not like they aren't getting any practice at all, they are playing and learning while they play. It wouldn't be fair for a child who *needed* to practice to hold other students in band back, but if a student is keeping up and able to play their part, then I wouldn't make them practice at home.

If you're worried about developing lazy habits, you can always pick something else that your dd is interested in to try to help her learn that routine practice is valuable.

And... all of my advice is probably completely irrelevant due to the fact that your dd's teacher is making her students complete a practice log. I'm not sure how I'd deal with that lol!

Best wishes,

polarbear

Well, school bands/orchestras, particularly elementary ones, can be very low level. It is not surprisng that your DD, with some instrumental training in piano, may not need to practice the school music. If that is the case, then it would be cruel to force her. At this point, DD does not practice either her 7th grade music or the honor music while DS only rarely practices his honor music. I don't pressure them to do unnecessary practice but they both practice music for their private teachers otherwise they would look like idiots during their lessons. For DD, that is not enough to fill the required school practice charts so she plays her own music. There was a time period when DD was particularly resistant to practice but I found out it was partly because she didn't have any music to motivate her. Once we bought a ton of popular music that she chose, she was more motivated to practice.

As for missing the train, it all depends on your middle school's policies. For our district, it would be difficult, but not impossible to pick up an instrument in middle school. The expectation is that students played a year in their elementary bands/orchestras but a motivated student can audition to show that she meets the minimum expectations.

It is really true in my household. Both my DS's take private piano lessons. They both don't like to practice. However, when they are given a piece of music that they like or a piece that they request the teach to give them to play, they tend to put in more effort and not too resistant to practice.

blackcat, I am wondering if you could ask her to practice the cello during the same timeslot as when she is practicing the piano - if she is out of focus at the end of the day, she could either practice cello and piano back to back or reduce piano time on alternate days and practice cello at that time when she has more motivation and focus.

I am all for discontinuing instrument lessons when the child refuses to practice, but, I have known many adults who had regrets that their parents did not push them enough to continue on an instrument. I don't know any adults who were upset at having learned an instrument or participated in orchestra. So, it may be worth a little extra effort to reschedule her day so that she has more time to work on piano + cello in a continuous session.

I also like the idea upthread about providing her more interesting sheetmusic if she does not think that the orchestra repertoire at her level is challenging.

If she is really at the same level as the other cellos and is still interested in participating in the group, I think I would let her play the rest of the year and discuss again in the summer.

I have an email from the teacher.

"I'll check in on her again this week and let you know. Last I checked she was able to get her instrument up, use good posture and was ready pretty quickly. She wasn't so distracted by those around her. I need to check her reading skills and bow hold and will let you know."


I honestly don't think it's "too easy", I think she is having problems holding the thing. And she tends to give up immediately when anything is difficult. So, we'll see if I get any more info on Thurs. I'll probably try harder to force her to practice more but I don't know about switching instruments for next year, giving up on band/orchestra altogether, or what. In a way, this seems easy as in "If you don't practice your instrument, then you can't continue with the instrument" (i.e. logical consequences), but if she will have a hard time joining again later that seems harsh.

I haven't read all the responses, but I wouldn't make her practice. I started piano lessons when I was very young, and by the time I played an instrument in school it was intuitive and very easy. I never/rarely practiced and was first chair through high school, when I quit as a junior so I could just do piano. Especially at her age, they're probably just learning notes, and how to hold the instrument. It probably doesn't take any time to keep up with someone who is not familiar with music at all.