Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school DS's Pedi doubts us.

I think potty training has wide variability but also multiple windows, regardless of high IQ. If you miss one window, another will come along, though it might be a while. DS was showing readiness at 24 mo but I was due with DD and the idea of regression due to sibling stress kept us from acting on it. I also felt he lacked the motor skills to dress himself at that time. He learned at 3, but night took far longer (deep sleeper). DD was fully self-trained by 20 mo, including nights.

Just to chime in on the potty training: if he's interested, why not go for it?

My elder was day trained by 22-23 mo (very sound sleeper once out, so nights took longer), and close-in-age younger sib self-trained by 21-22 mo (day and night) from watching elder. Younger probably would've been done even earlier but for falling off a toilet at 19 mo, which understandably set things back a bit. (None of this was pushed by me; I followed their leads.)

Putting myself in your kid's shoes: if he is orderly by nature and wants to be able to control things in his life, this seems like an easy give and a win both for him and for you.

Perhaps another option is to step back from needing advice/help from your pediatrician. We don't live in a place with good health care, so Dr. Google is about as good as the real version here. We've never discussed milestones or potty training with our doctors, just illness.

If you want to potty train, do it. Or wait. Do what works for you; no need to have a doctor agree.

With OCD or ASD concerns, like said above, bring those issues, and only those issues, to the appointment. Or better yet, find a specialist and just go. FWIW, mine have also looked OCD during the toddler ages (but never ASD); rigidity is inborn here but not all rigidity is pathological.

I agree with DianaG. I don't even ask my Pediatrician questions such as potty training or for that matter sleep training. I feel like I know more about these things than they do and I won't necessarily want to follow their advice on matters such as this.

Focus on the things that are worrisome to you, and discuss on those. The short visit time is not enough to cover everything when you have an agenda. I would just find a developmental pediatrician and go from there if you are worried.

I would change primary care for your child if you feel the mismatch between the advice and reciprocity you seek and receive is too wide. The value of a trusted adviser is high when you need an expert opinion.

We have a fabulous pediatrician for DS, and her lengthy experience has been valuable to us. DS' milestones as a baby were sufficiently far outside the norm (on the right tail) to merit a few questions about ASD, and his ped was diligent about ruling out ASD through early monitoring. That she was able to see the possibility of high intelligence and ASD behaviours in an under-1 infant was, I have learned, a rare gift. At his one-year well child check, she was proactively discussing how to optimally sequence multiple grade skips for social and emotional well-being.

I can't recommend enough that you find a trusted adviser. I can go to DS' ped with any concern and know that she will either provide a first rate evaluation or provide referral for one. As a parent of a child with atypical needs, having that kind of knowledge and support in your corner is validating and comforting.

Bad doctors can be anywhere, I know. I had to self diagnose myself with infectious endocarditis 12 years ago. It was the sub-acute form to be fair but even so!

Splinter hemorrrhages? Check. Roth's spots? Check. Janeway Lesions? Check. Osler's nodes? Check. Level 2 AV block out of nowhere? Check. Low grade fever and general malaise over a period of months? Check. Tachycardic? Check. Moderate aortic murmur? Check. And still I had to join the dots and check myself into an emergency room.

Dr Google literally saved my life and persuaded me to find another doctor LOL

First, I would try and find a developmental pediatrician, since I think you are going to need someone who understands child development. Secondly, does OCD, ASD, giftedness run in your family? I have been on these boards for a while, and read a lot here-but have no medical background -and what you describe to me sounds like giftedness frustration due to asynchrony (but if you are seeing toys being lined up, poor eye contact, etc. or you have it in your family and you know the signs for your particular situation then you should go to a pediatric developmental psychiatrist.)

Also, you spend more time with your child than anyone else, if you have alarms going off, there's probably fire. But, that said, since I started on this path, a lot of what I thought was true has changed over time.

OCD/ASD and giftedness does run in DH's family; quite heavily. A lot of his family tree is full of very-high achievers, innovators, Presidents, etc. A lot also have the 2e characteristics of ASD or OCD, as well. I'm adopted, so I'm not sure what is on my side but I was a MG kid and DH was a HG kid and his brothers were HG and PG. DS does not line up his toys, but he does pick them up and keep things neat. He has great eye contact, but at 12 months old, I expressed concern for ASD because I wasn't sure if DS was not responding to his name or if he heard and just was too into whatever he was doing at the time. We've since come to figure out it was the later. He's become much more gregarious since 12 months...mostly because I've been super diligent about getting him around LOTS of other kiddos and working on his social skills. I still wonder about the mild end of ASD and possible OCD, though. A developmental pedi sounds like the route to go for us, definitely!

Still sounds like PG but again, not an expert!

It goes without saying to make sure DP has seen PG kids and is familiar with them.. If you post in the regions forum maybe someone in your area will have a recommendation.

Our pediatrician has prestigious degrees but we picked him due to a personal connection - his office is managed by a friend. However, we only use him for medical issues and have never tried to bring up the issue of giftedness. If your concern is ASD rather than giftedness, then I would really narrow your conversation to ASD. Otherwise, it can be confusing for the doctor who is focused on dozens of medical issues at a time. From your descriptions, it sounds like the doctor does not understand what you want. For example, he thinks you are worried about potty training so he reassures you not to worry until 3. I don't think I ever brought up potty training with the pediatrician either as it isn't a medical issue unless there is a problem. You would get better advice from seasoned parents. In reality, many toddlers can be potty trained at 18 to 24 months and routinely used to be in previous generations.

Based on your brief post, you have not mentioned the most definitive autism markers and that may be why the pediatrician did not refer you immediately. It may be that your DS did not present as autistic at that brief office visit. You may need to tell the pediatrician point blank all the autism markers and why you are worried and that you need a referral now.