Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Fascination with religion

I remember being DS's age and I was convinced that adults were just going to church to fool the kids (kind of like adults going through extraordinary measures to convince kids there is a Santa or Easter bunny). At the same time I had a mother who told me that unbelievers go to hell. Imagine the angst that this can cause in a little kid who can't just "believe". I just didn't talk about it at all and went along with everything, feeling like I was trying to force myself to believe a fairy tale. DD is highly gifted and debates with people like a lawyer, but doesn't seem to question the existence of God at all, (and I haven't contradicted her). It's fascinating how personality plays into this.

As a person with deeply-held views on matters of faith and transcendence, I have long appreciated sincere, respectful discussions with people whose views and beliefs differ from my own. Regardless of what one's perspective is, there is value in learning to hear and respect others, and seek intersection points. I feel strongly enough about my own beliefs to hope that others may come to share them, as I would imagine anyone with strong beliefs might feel, but I certainly don't believe that scare and attack tactics are the way to promote authentic life transformation.

As natural as our faith is in our family life and the lives of our children, our balance has really been very similar to that of those of you on the other side of the faith spectrum: while allowing them to maintain their authentic selves, encouraging our children to be sensitive and respectful to others' beliefs.

blackcat, I am sorry that you did not feel that you were free to express your own beliefs and doubts as a child. I am thankful that I had parents who were comfortable enough in the foundations of their own beliefs to welcome learning about and grappling with the diversity of values and beliefs around us. Good for you that you have taken your personal experience and used it to give your children the latitude and self-determination to begin the process of thinking through their own beliefs and values. Every mature adult ought to thoughtfully examine and reflect on his or her beliefs throughout life; your children will have a better start on this than most.

And on a side note, neither my parents nor my partner and I have promoted belief in Santa or the Easter Bunny, which is, of course, why DC#2, then 4 years old, earnestly informed our horrified and equally little neighbor that "Santa is dead." (Meaning the historical Nicholas, Bishop of Ephesus, generally held to have been a major inspiration for the mythical Santa Claus.) I am hopeful that we may have progressed since then in our attempts to teach respect and sensitivity.

aeh, I totally understand where you are coming from and I completely understand "the other side" since that is what I grew up with, going to church every single week. I'm not even comfortable saying "the other side" because I can't even say that they're wrong, I just can't say they're right either.

We went out to lunch with my dad and stepmom and DS asked if he could borrow the car keys to get something. So what did he come back with? You guessed it--the Bible. He wanted to keep reading it while we were waiting for our food. My stepmother became extremely excited that he was reading this, and started talking about the books of the Bible, and how they are out of order from what "really happened" in history and I braced myself, thinking DS was going to say the word "mythology" but he kept his mouth shut and showed her the interesting map on the back cover. Yay DS! So maybe he understands.

That's great! Apparently you have done better than you realized in teaching him.

Blackcat, if you're at all inclined, this may be the perfect opportunity for you and your DS to be students together. Given the tenor of your religious upbringing and the lack of support you received as a child for testing and evaluating ideas in the faith, you might find it enlightening to dig into the meat of the faiths you're exploring to make up for post opportunities in childhood. I formed my religious views in grad school as a 20-something on a quest to prove atheism, after more than a decade of dissipated agnosticism. My family was loosey-goosey Christian with a weak religious education, so I mostly learned nothing about religion until I sought it out as an adult. It was so much fun to finally have some decent answers to old questions, or to have new questions arise!!

My favourite resources are Catholic because I'm Catholic. Posters from different backgrounds will, obviously, have other go-tos. I've listed a few below that I particularly relied on.

The single best resource in my journey was Aquinas' Summa Theologica (free full text linked below). I'd recommend tackling one or two ideas at a time in the Prima Pars. With any endeavour, the simplest step must be taken before more complex ones. Tackle the issue of the existence of God with your son first before getting into the idea of Jesus or any biblical events. The treatment of God will be the first step in evaluating any religion. Take it slowly, question everything, and keep digging for credible resources if your questions aren't answered adequately. There should be no contradictions between science and religion.

http://www.newadvent.org/summa/

Enjoy! Whether you agree with him or not, Aquinas will keep your thought process on track!

If you want to hunt down other good resources, I found the Catechism was a good startin point. Everything is well cited, and the headings make for quick reference guides:

http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM

The old saying is that one should not discuss sex, religion, and politics in polite company. But I don't agree, especially regarding the last two. People can get upset when discussing religion or politics, because the stakes are so high. Is there life after death? Should the nation go to war or spend billions of dollars on XYZ? If you say that people should avoid discussing subjects where the stakes are high, that means they should discuss only trivial things, such as whether one sports team is likely to beat another. There should be room for both kinds of topics.

aquinas, thanks for the link. I'll check it out. I do think DS actually believes in God, but he views the biblical stories as ancient myths.

Bostonian, I agree which is why I posted it on this forum (which I hope is ok, if not then admin can feel free to delete the thread), but with close family/friends, I think they would become too upset because it is "us". And I know there is no way they are ever going to change their minds or question what they already believe. My stepmother was telling me one day about how she has a friend whose husband died, and the friend questioned the existence of god and was really angry. Stepmom was all upset about it for days, forwarded the woman's emails everywhere (as in, "What do I do? This is so terrible! Please pray!", etc).
DD appeared in my bedroom last night and asked how the entire human race could have appeared from two people. I asked her what she's talking about, Adam and Eve? (turned out she was reading a "Bible Story" book someone gave her, probably step-mom). I told her that it's in the Bible but it wasn't a story that even the author meant for people to take literally. It's questions like this that are driving me crazy. Is that even correct? Did the author of the book of Genesis write it/tell it as a "story" to illustrate a point? Or did the author really intend for people to take it as literal fact? I don't have the knowledge of ancient cultures/history to even have a definitive answer and feel like I can't answer questions like this.

We are an atheist/agnostic household that does not attend religious services, but one side of the fmaily is very religious and my children have many friends from religious families. One thing I have found helpful is to compare religious beliefs to other beliefs my child holds very dear, such as environmentalism or being extremely kind to animals (DD verges on PETA material). She would not want to hear someone talking disrespectfully or with great skepticism about these core beliefs of hers, so she needs to speak respectfully regarding others' beliefs even if she does not share them. Within OUR household, she is free to question and discuss. It's not a perfect parallel, but has helped a little.

This is similar to us. I find that my children have been okay with uncertainty in this topic--it's similar to discussions we have re life on other planets, limits of the universe, etc. If more interest were shown, I do think I would get some nonfiction books on religion from the library.

When my eldest was very, very young--he asked me about The Double (Devil). I hemmed and hawed and told him that some people think the devil is literally a creature with hooves, horns, etc., while others think of the devil more symbolically, as a metaphor for all that is dark and evil in the world. He asked which camp I belong to, and I told him (honestly) that I lean more toward the figurative side of things--he said (emphatically): not me, I believe in The Double!

That aside, one thing that might be interesting to your son is to understand that even within a particular tradition, there are people who believe in a very literal interpretation and those who believe in the stories as metaphors. One can be deeply religious/spiritual either way. I am not sure what the metaphor is re: Adam and Eve, but I suspect your son might be a bit less confused if he understood that even under one umbrella, there are myriad ways of understanding sacred texts. (This is true in all traditions, I believe, but am most familiar with Christianity.)