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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,733
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,733 |
As for discipline/behavior charts, this is a problem for him. In kindg, there was a complicated 7 color behavior chart. Everyone started in the middle on green. You could move down three steps (yellow-orange-red) and move up three (blue-purple-pink). He obsessed over this the first few weeks of kindergarten--drawing it over and over and putting them up in his room. Looking back, I wish I had taken this as a sign. He never moved past blue, and to my knowledge only one child ever made it up to pink. At the beginning of the school year, he told me that he understood how to move down but he didn't understand how to move up. I did ask the teacher, and she was very vague "doing good deeds" or something like that. He still talks about the time he moved up to blue and what he did. Awww, I hate when they do crap like this in kindergarten... poor kiddo. 
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Joined: May 2012
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the other thing about behavior charts (aside from just the entire system itself)... is that I think it's possible for teachers to sort of pigeon-hole a student into a particular "slot" and be watching them for things to keep them there - does that make sense? IE, bias can slip in. I'm not saying that's happened to your ds, just that it's yet another reason I don't particularly like them - if a child has a teacher who is expecting them to be behavior-challenged and subconsciously is looking for behavior issues, therefore keeping them low on the color-system, it turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy in some instances, where a child feels like they can't win, and it can erode self-confidence. And did I mention I've just never seen an instance of that type of system actually producing better behavior? Even my kids who have no issues with behavior, didn't obsess about it, and didn't get moved down for behavior.. found that type of system just beyond frustrating. Totally agree.
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Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 848
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Joined: Sep 2013
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As for discipline/behavior charts, this is a problem for him. In kindg, there was a complicated 7 color behavior chart. Everyone started in the middle on green. You could move down three steps (yellow-orange-red) and move up three (blue-purple-pink). He obsessed over this the first few weeks of kindergarten--drawing it over and over and putting them up in his room. Looking back, I wish I had taken this as a sign. He never moved past blue, and to my knowledge only one child ever made it up to pink. At the beginning of the school year, he told me that he understood how to move down but he didn't understand how to move up. I did ask the teacher, and she was very vague "doing good deeds" or something like that. He still talks about the time he moved up to blue and what he did. Awww, I hate when they do crap like this in kindergarten... poor kiddo. Says a great deal about the teacher's own personality, doesn't it? We never had good luck with those types of charts, either. Charts for doing specific tasks, yes, those can work. Colors for behavior, nope. In fact, our ODS had one teacher who was kind enough to listen to us describe why they had not worked at home (i.e. this child needs to be motivated from within and sees your charts as a game that he won't win) and stop using them with him. Things got better for him in her class. She just gave him feedback on what she saw from him that day.
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,035
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Joined: Dec 2012
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I think his current teacher needs to rethink a bit. You said his desk got moved then he got in trouble for not going when his group was called? Was he with his group? He expected her to call him by name - was he actually sitting by himself? And why didn't she just gently remind him to go with his group? He is six and it is not a safety issue.
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 517
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Joined: Jun 2012
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You might want to edit again.
How is he coping with the pregnancy, sometimes the issue is plain old kids issues with the added complication of giftedness.
There are a lot of changes going on for DS. I'm also in the camp of not punishing - nit for stuff that appears to be either due to settling in or developmental.
I agree that there could be some pigeonholing going on. Maybe there is room for building a relationship with the teacher and offering reminders that you view DS as 6 and expect his behaviour to match his age.
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 313
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 313 |
This is a constant struggle with DS6.
DS6 is perfect behavioral-wise at school, most of the behavioral issues are at home.
I read Explosive Child as suggested by many on this board. I changed my own attitude toward DS from him not wanting to behave to him not knowing *how to* behave, and we read social stories that are applicable to our situations.
All these made a huge difference for DS! DS is far from perfect behavioral-wise and this is still a work-in-progress, but this has such a positive impact on him and the family dynamic.
Good luck and you are not alone!
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 84
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 84 |
Thank you all for your responses. I am feeling a lot calmer. We had a second meeting with DS' counselor and she suggests it is an adjustment issue combined with a little resistance and a lack of some coping skills. (I hope I hit that right--I don't have a counseling/psychology background). He talks to her a lot more about what is going on than with me. She believes that I should give him (and me!) some time to adjust to the new school environment with all its policies and procedures. I realize I am overly sensitive due to past circumstances and every little flag is coming off as a red flag to me. Plus, DS is whining in the mornings that he doesn't want to go to school. I hate that.
Could someone point me to which resources to locate to find out if DS has a learning issue?
As for my pregnancy, his behavior started changing about 6-8 weeks before we found out and told him, but I have no doubt that this has affected him as I am extremely high risk and was quite sick and hospitalized briefly during the first trimester.
Also, I have edited three times. What else do I need to edit out?
Thank you all.
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,390
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Joined: Feb 2012
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Also, I have edited three times. What else do I need to edit out? M Elementary School is the only place where we have had any negative reports of ***** behavior. Currently, he participates in the gifted program at the University, classes at the City Museum of Art and horseback riding lessons. The place where I substituted ***** still has your son's name.
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 84
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 84 |
Also, I have edited three times. What else do I need to edit out? M Elementary School is the only place where we have had any negative reports of ***** behavior. Currently, he participates in the gifted program at the University, classes at the City Museum of Art and horseback riding lessons. The place where I substituted ***** still has your son's name. Ok. Thank you! That is not actually DS' name but I deleted it all the same!
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 84
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 84 |
Brief Update: met with the teacher yesterday. She says DS is constantly disrupting the class and she does not know how to respond/handle his behavior. She tried to have a student sit with him and calm him down, and then they sent him to another teacher to calm down. It was the most awkward meeting ever. I asked what was her professional opinion and she says she has never dealt with a child with outbursts before. I asked if she thought he was a good fit for her class and the school and she says she didn't know because of his outbursts but he seemed very intelligent from the conversations she has been able to have with him. I asked if she thinks he is on the first grade level, and she just said that the curriculum they are using is "very advanced."
We will be touring another school next week. In an ideal world, I would happily homeschool at this point but I worry about starting such a big undertaking at 6 months pregnant.
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