Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments school decision today -could you give input?

We switched our ds11 from public school to private gifted school starting 5th (middle school started in 5th at this school). We had him shadow at the end of 4th. He was very nervous about it but it took all of 10 seconds and he was pointing to me to leave he would be alright. It went wonderful and we are now in our 2nd year.

Its a long road you have time on your side to plan your switch if it comes next year or even the next.

Our ds knew that the private school was the place for him. He took the EXPLORE there in 3rd grade the year before and we walked around and introduced ourselves to everyone (head of school and some teachers) so it was not totally new.

Does the new school you are looking at have anything going on that you could participate in, contest, fun nights anything that could break the ice for him.

Keep us updated.

My HG/dyslexic boy had the exact situation and I think you're doing the right thing by listening to his feelings, at least for now.

We wanted to move our son to a private school in 2nd grade, which promised to more fully meet his needs and provide intense intervention for his dyslexia. But the neighborhood friend group was too strong a pull. My son would have absolutely hated leaving his friends in elementary school-- and it was really torturous to us wondering whether his emotional health or educational needs were more important. We ended up compromising with him and let him stay in his pretty good elementary school with his buddies and in exchange, he had to be privately tutored 2-3 times a week for 3 years.

He's a 7th grader now and I have no doubt we made the right decision. Private tutoring was better than private school and his teachers now are shocked to find out he has dyslexia. But we did force him to move to a different middle school than most of his friends, because we felt the school he's currently attending better meets his needs. He's old enough to understand now, that he can be friends with the neighborhood kids after school and that he doesn't have to be in the same classroom as them.

Hello all!

So - I emailed the school and pulled the plug for Monday (thanks CollinsMum for giving me the right words). They were very warm in their response, and have asked how they can help. I'm going to pull together ideas based on things you kind folks have offered, and a few of my own. I'll come back to this thread in the future with relevant updates, in hopes it could help others.

Meanwhile, thanks for the support. It feels great to hear words that help me believe (a) we can trust our instincts, including our son's (b) we have time to figure all this out, and we should take the time we need, and (c) there will be a way to meet his needs - even as they evolve.

Phew! I think I'll get a good night's sleep, finally. Have wonderful weekends you guys!

Sue

I hesitated to post my recommendation because it goes against most of the other opinions on this thread. I agree with indigo that you should sneakily get him to the other school and observe that school on some pretense or other - maybe go to their Winter music recital program or a sports event there etc.
Why I say this is because my child had a horrible K year - but adamantly refused to visit, shadow or think about another school. His K friends had become his lifeline - his life revolved around recess play with some, looking forward to a superhero themed birthday party for another, field trip coming soon etc etc. He could not think of a life beyond his current friends and how he would miss out on all the fun if he left. So, not wanting to cause emotional trauma or feelings of abandonment etc, I waited out the K year in his current school while spending a lot of effort to after school to make up for the lack of challenge.
I put him in the new school for 1st grade with a lot of peptalk on how he was going to learn great new things with the Principal meeting with him for 20 minutes and the teacher taking him on a classroom tour etc. And then, here is the kicker, he loved his new school so much that he asked me in the first week why I had not overridden his objections and brought him there during K. He has made a ton of new friends easily while he had problems making friends in the old school.
So, that is my way of telling you to get your son to the new school and he might surprise you by changing his mind. You can tell him that there will be no changes and that you are visiting to check the school out just to get an idea about that place.
Good luck.

I agree with Ashley--if there is a way to trick him into checking out the new school, that would be great. We forced my daughter to make several school changes against her will. She switched from a private school --> highly gifted program (public school) --> a private school that attracts most of the PG kids in the region. Like many kids described on this board, she is extremely stubborn and resistant to change. I, too, was worried that she would sabotage her application or interview for the private school. She didn't, though, and shortly after each switch, she had an epiphany and realized why we had thought that was the better place for her at that point. The best option for a kid at one point is not necessarily the best option at a later juncture. But change is hard!

I have another of those no change no way kids who will balk at everything initially. I do insist on things if I know I m right but I have learned that sometimes it is best to back down for bit and let suggestions "settle". The current situation does to have things going for it, and you do have time to prepare a switch - the risk if his making a poor impression and listing a good educational option because he was rushed or tricked into things is greater than the risk of staying in the suboptimal classroom IMO.

Thanks for the thoughts guys. Unfortunately - this kid is pretty much immune to being tricked, especially with regard to school things. But I am going to follow the good suggestions for having him get some sense of the school. I'll just have to be very up front about it. Not giving up yet, but we'll have to take a bit of time to get there.

Thanks for the thoughts guys. Unfortunately - this kid is pretty much immune to being tricked, especially with regard to school things. But I am going to follow the good suggestions for having him get some sense of the school. I'll just have to be very up front about it. Not giving up yet, but we'll have to take a bit of time to get there.

Hi suevv,

You've already received great advice above - I've got just one thing to add. We weren't in exactly the same place but a similar sorta place at around the same age with our ds. We were advised to change his school (due to gifted + 2e issues), but ds did not want to switch because he *thought* he was happy where he was. We made a few changes at his school but didn't take the advice to switch schools. As the years went by, the issues that we'd worried about that led to the recommendation to switch grew, and toward the end of 5th grade, ds came home and told us (parents) that he wasn't going back for 6th grade, and shared a litany of complaints about being bored with the level of intellectual discussion and being frustrated with teachers not caring about helping etc.

So we made the move to switch schools at that point in time, and landed at the school that we'd considered way back in 2nd grade. It worked out *so* well, and I can't tell you how many times I've kicked myself for *not* making the switch when it was first recommended. Even ds told us, on his own, that he'd wished he'd been enrolled at the school years earlier (and ds never knew it was the school we'd thought about switching him to).

JMO, but if this other school is an exceptional school or something you really think would work well once he's there, I'd go ahead and consider making the switch. I *wouldn't* have taken him on the school try-out day Monday, but I would talk to the school as you have, let them know what's up, and see if they'll work with you in giving your ds some time.

The other thing I'll throw out there - not that it's meaningful at all for your ds, but fwiw, each of my three kids had a best friend in early elementary that I thought would be their bff's literally forever. The only friend from early elementary that has stayed a constant in our family's life is a friend who is the daughter of one of *my* friends, so our kids see each other more for the parents' sake than for any type of connection from school. So I wouldn't necessarily pick a school based on friends unless I had concerns about my child's ability to make new friends in general. However.... fwiw.... we had those types of concerns with my ds, ad his best friend from early elementary (who was a big reason he wanted to not switch schools) just naturally drifted into other friendships by 3rd grade and was totally out of my ds' life by 4th grade other than peripherally. My ds continued to struggle with friendships - at that school. When he moved on to the other school, he fit in easily and made new friends. None of which might apply to your situation or your school choice, but just something to consider.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Hi guys,

I just wanted to follow up here with a small update. I had been looking for an opportunity to just get DS into this school, thinking he could be hooked. The director called to let me know they were having a Liquid Nitrogen Day in science class, and wondered if DS could come observe. Without me even asking she said I should feel free to stay if it would make him more comfortable.

The allure of LN2 was too much for DS, and he went. He happened to be the youngest in this mixed-age class. But he quickly engaged with the teacher, who had that "explain things well without dumbing them down" ability. DS even asked if he could have a copy of class materials to take home. The director came and watched him and was full of smiles.

On the way out, we saw the director, and she asked DS if he enjoyed the class. "Yes, I enjoyed it very much. Your science teacher is really good." We walk to car, buckle up, and DS says, "Thanks for tricking me into this, Mom. It was a fun visit. But I just need you to know that I won't go to school here no matter what."

True story. And he has brought this point up several times since then, just to make sure I am crystal clear on his position. Once when we were nearby I pulled over to check an incoming text. DS got panicky and said - "Mom, we're not going to that school again, right?"

So - good impressions implanted all around. But I'm trusting my gut on this. DS will have to be more on board before we try it.

They have their own minds these little people, yes?
Sue