Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Grade skipped and facing middle school

Perhaps request that both your DDs be placed in the same homeroom and a couple of the key courses. In our system, a lot of the administrative stuff gets taken care of during homeroom, which is the first 10 minutes and last 5 minutes of the day.

I agree with the suggestion not to push for placement with her best pal. It will be easier for your DD to branch out and make new friends if she doesn't have that kind of clutch. It is important to make more than one friend in every class since it is not uncommon to miss classes here and there for rehearsals, field trips, etc. Although I have twins, they only share a couple of classes so their friends have been great sources for stuff they missed or forgot to write down. They generally get a quicker response when they im or skype or text their friends than their teachers.

I would also have your DD examine her interests and narrow down some clubs to join as that is a fantastic way to make friends, especially for kids not in the same classes this year but may well be in the same classes next year.

I really would not worry so much about her size. If she is already 10 now, there will be plenty of kids who are within 6 months of her in age in 6th grade. Due to different growth spurts, kids really vary in size in middle school. There are kids under 4 and a half feet as well as kids over 6 feet.

When my DD had "preferential seating" in her IEP we had to be very specific. The specialist working with her suggested seating in the 2nd row (not the first) and always facing the board. The reason for the 2nd row was for a few reasons. One was the the front row is often for those kids who are misbehaving. In 5th my DD got placed next to the boy who poked whomever was next to him since in the teachers mind 'preferential seating' == front row. Made the situation worse not better. And the second was my DD needed was to be able to observe other students yet not be too far back to miss what was going on.

Thanks all. Lots to look into!
I, too, would recommend the American Girl books and that other one mentioned about girls and puberty. Both my girls have known about puberty and the reproduction since they were little (who knew little kids could have such questions!!!), but experiencing it in real life is different!

Sorry to harp on DD's size. She gets tired of having 2 and 3rd graders lord over her (they think she's younger). Although she told me that she's getting really good at giving them a cool look and stating calmly, "I am a 5th grader." and setting them straight. A fellow 5th grader told DD, "Go away little girl" the other day. DD fumed all the way home. And then our pediatrician, upon hearing that DD was moving to 6th grade this Fall was horrified - "She will be the smallest one there!!" Sigh. This grade skip has gone so well (getting 4s which are like A's), but just some blips every now and then.

I really need to think about the best friend issue. I will definitely talk it over with the SW and AG teacher. Clubs - yes definitely. She will be in band, too. That saved me in middle school way back when!!

I wouldn't worry too much about size. My youngest will enter 6th grade this fall. She turns 11 next month and she is 4 ft 3.5 in, 51 lbs - I think that is on the small side. Typically is 1st percentile for BMI. Middle kid was similar size at that age but she starting growing around the 11th birthday and is now average height, sort of average weight (5'5" and 105). I didn't finish growing until I turned 18.

Sure, there are times my kids wished they were early rather than late growers, but they will be fine. I don't listen to the pediatricians. We all had a laugh when they sent middle kid a letter saying they (supposedly respected CHOP) wanted to include her in a study of children who will be adults of short stature - for females that is under 4'10". I know my kids won't be tall, but just because a kid is short at 10 or 11 it isn't the end of the world. Hopefully 6th grade will meet your kiddo's educational needs.

Reading through these posts, I had differing perspectives on a few issues. My one dd was also grade skipped, and already young for grade, as well as very tiny. Honestly, being small WAS hard for her. Maybe it's not for everyone, but it was a big deal to her, and I think you should make sure not to dismiss her feelings, if she is truly bothered by it (it may just be your own worry, in which case, try not to let it show). Dd is now average height and a very beautiful 20-something, but it took her a while to get over the height issue. She was a sensitive, PG child who felt very dismissed and invalidated by teachers and others who let their perspectives of her be affected by her size. Ds15 has a friend who is extremely short and he is also bothered at least weekly by thoughtless comments. It is tough to be the outlier sometimes!

As far as friends, my dd was matched up with a friend when she skipped (at a younger age) and a friend of mine had her child skipped into middle school and they did the same thing. In both cases, I thought it was a great idea, and helped a ton! If your dd will *only* play with this one friend, or the friend is a negative influence, or if the two of them withdraw from everyone else when they're together, then yes, don't put them in the same room. However, if she is a support for your daughter, I say go for it!

I have mixed feelings about talking to the teachers. Honestly, I think they'll all end up knowing anyway, and if you can do something to make your dd's experience better, you should. OTOH, with two young-for-grade kids, we definitely experienced discrimination in attitude and, unfortunately, action from teachers. Not all of them, or even a majority, but we did experience it. One of my two younger-for-grade ones has EF issues, and we also experienced the "everything is the fault of her age" issue. Now, the other one, who finished college at age 20 and has always been organized and on track, as well as taller - well, teachers actually asked me if she was held back a year because she was so mature. Sigh. They see what they want to see.

Being in activities and band will help, and even if she has a few rough spots, she will be so much happier having work a little more at her level. There's no perfect solution, but both my girls agreed that they couldn't have imagined being with kids a few grades younger and were happy with their placement!

DD is average for her age but small for her grade. I have coached her to cry in private but maintain the stuff upper lip in public as nothing makes a bully stop (that doesn't involve at least a suspension) as quickly as being ignored.

She will be going into 6th grade but sitting with the 8th graders upper track for Maths and those pre-pubescent boys are going to be mean I am am sure particularly when they get beaten by a girl! LOL

Great answer.

Possibly time to use that same cool look and again state that she is a 5th grader.

LOL, someone has to be the smallest... might as well be a kid who is also one of the smartest!
Unlike some other kids who merely aged into her grade, your DD earned her spot.

Eh... sometimes. Often times it just makes the bully escalate, because they're looking for a reaction, and not getting it makes them angry, and they try harder.

My DD10 has a quick wit, so I began coaching her to use humor as her response, which I believe had a role in helping her defuse such situations and turn enemies into friends in the long run. But it was also helped big in the short run, because talking about clever responses she could have used for the mean thing some kid said to her made her tears go away.

Some of us were grade-skipped and also very small for age (so much so that nearly every one of my elementary school report cards actually has a teacher comment beginning, "although aeh is very small of stature..."). Most of the time, it was effective to ignore--though it is possible that I may have bit someone in first or second grade...

But long-term, I think Dude's strategy of using (kind) humor had the best returns for me. That, and being a good listener.

My skipped kid is tall for his age but not necessarily tall for the grade he is skipped into. He will look average height when he goes to middle school. I forget how young he is until he brings out the whine from his tool box. I don't think he uses that at school, saves it for me.

I have spent a lot of time at his school and have only seen one incident of concern and it was from a fifth grade girl who was cruel towards him. He just stared at her like a deer caught in headlights for a while and slowly wandered off. I wanted to slap her but I didn't think they would take to kindly to a volunteer slapping a student.

Everything else I have seen has been real positive and my son has never reported anything but happiness. Maybe the girl was just having a bad day.