Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Tantrums / Big Emotions

My sweet two year old just entered the terrible twos and my intense four year old has moved, I guess, from the terrible threes into the terrible fours.
She's like a little grown up when happy and engaged. Enter a situation in which she feels she needs to exert claw back control (food, gym class, the wrong colour cup, it's getting more and more unpredictable what will set her off), watch out. There are days when I can hardly leave the house.

After having kids, I stopped caring about those judgmental stares. I reinforce even when I am out and about.

For DS6, The Explosive Child and social stories that relate to our current struggles are lifesavers. I also changed my frame of mind that my child doesn’t know _how_ to behalf.

Good luck.

I don't know if I can wait this out until she snaps out of it.

Not that it's a competition, but I think I can up the ante. My DD4 fired me as her mother today.

I am not ready to laugh it off. That's just mean.

She is probably looking for the limits or boundaries as they apply to herself, as well as trying to learn how things work, and as a byproduct of that is inadvertently testing your emotions.

How did you respond to her? A response in which you up the ante and engage her on an emotional level may reinforce her to initiate power struggles: You may teach her that's how things work.

One possible response to her may be to acknowledge that she is unhappy or displeased with XYZ situation, while helping her to place XYZ situation in perspective in the grand scheme of things (kindly helping her see that XYZ disappointment is not such a big deal). This could be done in the moment or brought up later, in an understanding manner, when things have calmed down.

You may wish to explain disinterestedly and nonchalantly that firing a mom is not how things work.

In attempt to get her working WITH you (no longer acting in opposition to you), you may wish to
1) say wistfully "That's an interesting concept..."
2) ask if she'd like to write a book about it (how things would be different for an imaginary girl after she fired her mom),
3) ask if she'd like to learn more about how things work: firing, human resources and the laws, rules, procedures, and documentation which must be followed.

This could be an opportunity to explain that everyone has rules and/or a boss above them, which dictate the rather narrow parameters within which they must operate.

Following along these lines, this could also be an opportunity to talk to her about self-advocacy and help her learn how things work. You could establish a process for articulating her grievances within the family, a process which she could draw on in her future life situations. For example, you might have a family meeting. She might be allowed three sentences or be allowed to speak while an egg timer runs (channeling her energy into focusing on formulating her best case). Then it is your turn to speak: limited by three sentences, or an egg timer. Etc.

Who knows, she may be a lawyer someday, furthering justice and righting many wrongs.

Wishing you all the best.

Does it help that this is our life as well? My 22 month is looking like he could be gifted as well (I've written on here about his obsession with clocks) and his behavior, previously seemed like the easiest baby ever has switched. I'm up to my ears. It's like I need a team just to get simple tasks done, to minimally survive. It's basically newborn mode but it's not that temporary. My oldest is 4 in three weeks.
I feel for you!!!

My daughter is this way right now. It's so frustrating.. I'm going to go through this thread with a fine tooth combed this week.. She was easy as pie at two but now she flies off the handle over silly things. She's incredibly bright, has had excellent communication skills since she was a tiny little thing.. but she just makes zero sense now. :| She's also four - just turned four two weeks ago.