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    Joined: Apr 2010
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    Originally Posted by bluemagic
    My question would be why does he feel that others should 'fix' all his problems and why does he equate that with not feeling heard? I know he is still a kid but your son is old enough to take ownership of his dislike of school and to learn that mom & dad can't fix everything.

    I'd make a distinction on a case-by-case basis between things that need to be put up with, and things that should be changed.

    A child in public school is entitled to an "appropriate" education. Now, the tricky thing is getting to agreement on "appropriate"-- but if the child is not being educated reasonably close to his level, that IS a concern, and IMO should be addressed by the adults, in consultation with the child.

    If the child is unhappy because he doesn't feel like doing school and would rather play video games, well, that's a "suck it up" situation. Very different story.


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    Originally Posted by DeeDee
    Originally Posted by bluemagic
    My question would be why does he feel that others should 'fix' all his problems and why does he equate that with not feeling heard? I know he is still a kid but your son is old enough to take ownership of his dislike of school and to learn that mom & dad can't fix everything.

    I'd make a distinction on a case-by-case basis between things that need to be put up with, and things that should be changed.

    A child in public school is entitled to an "appropriate" education. Now, the tricky thing is getting to agreement on "appropriate"-- but if the child is not being educated reasonably close to his level, that IS a concern, and IMO should be addressed by the adults, in consultation with the child.

    If the child is unhappy because he doesn't feel like doing school and would rather play video games, well, that's a "suck it up" situation. Very different story.
    And I do know this, and I can't tell the difference here because I don't know the situation intimately. But it sounds as if the parent has been looking to see if he is getting an "appropriate" education. And she is looking for something different. Plus a kid doesn't have to want to spend all their time playing video games to not like school. Perhaps they just don't like the spelling work that is hard for them, but does enjoy other aspects of school. There is gray area here.. it's not all black and white.

    I also see a difference between "you have to suck it up" and you aren't always going to like school.

    Last edited by bluemagic; 01/24/15 02:11 PM.
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    Originally Posted by indigo
    Quote
    mixed grade class environment (he's in the 1st-3rd room)
    While gifted kids often thrive in a mixed-age classroom, this tends to be especially true when they are at the young end of the age ranges. Being at the older end of the age ranges may provide no intellectual peers... this may rectify itself next year when he is the younger end of the 4th-8th grade group.

    To clarify, DS is 8 and in second grade. He's in the third grade reading group and fourth grade math.

    You're right about it being a long time before he's in the 4th-6th room. (7th & 8th are in another.) I've read that things really come to a head right around third grade for kids whose needs aren't being met, and underachievement or disengagement will have set in by then. So, we are really looking for as close to a perfect fit as possible right now.

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    Originally Posted by bluemagic
    Perhaps instead you should work with him on his mental perspective towards school rather than looking deeper for something else 'wrong'. I am sure the material or assignments are not perfect and parts of it are boring. That is life. I tell my kids that school isn't necessarily fun. No one is going to make all aspects of school thrilling and exciting all of the time. It's your job as a kid to go to school and learn. And that when you get to be an adult most jobs include tasks that individuals don't enjoy and find boring.

    Oh, I agree with you! We have had many conversations about how much of work in life is something done because it has to be done, not because one likes it. He's not under any illusion his life at school should be all interesting, but I think he expects more than what he's getting out of it.

    Originally Posted by bluemagic
    Originally Posted by Ametrine
    DS recently said to me, "No one is helping me with not liking school." I think he's feeling unheard because we've been unable to make things different. Nothing has changed at school or home since I first posted, btw.
    My question would be why does he feel that others should 'fix' all his problems and why does he equate that with not feeling heard? I know he is still a kid but your son is old enough to take ownership of his dislike of school and to learn that mom & dad can't fix everything. Particularly when it comes to feelings. Sometimes in a situation all we as parents can do is listen, and acknowledge a child's feelings.

    I'm really having a hard time explaining what I mean. But basically I don't expect it's my job to make sure my children are always happy. My son only tolerated school in junior high. People would ask if he liked school and my stock answer was that he enjoyed "math & band" and honestly if he hadn't liked those two subjects I don't know if I could have gotten him to school.

    He really hasn't asked that all his problems be fixed, and we have said we are sorry he doesn't like school right now. However, we have told him we are working with the teacher to make his day more tolerable. I don't see how advocating for a better fit will make him think we will fix all his problems in school and by intimation, life. He has asked the teacher to make some changes to his assignments but without success. I believe we need to advocate for him at this point.


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    I still really resent having my time wasted. It seems to be a personality trait. Most people I have worked with say that the boss is paying for their time so it his his to waste. I say the boss is paying for my output from a certain period of time and the wasted time will never be there again. Now I am in my 40's I am a bit more relaxed but when I was at school I found it unbearable.

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