Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school PreK Social Issues

GGG, I understand as well. I keep reminding myself to take it year by year. Some years might be a struggle, others he might have a great teacher. We are prepared to home school if public school doesn't work out. I am just concerned being mom and teacher. My son and I have the same strong personality. We butt heads a lot!

The Ferdinand image is charming, amielynn. The world needs more Ferdinands.

From your description, it sounds like the class format is too rigid for your DS. My personal bias is against seat work for young children. I would also be concerned about your son being urged to conform to a social identity that doesn't match his temperament.

How does your son like sports? I find sports are a great social equalizer and can bring together children with a broad range of interests and temperaments. Would he be comfortable bringing some equipment to school, like a soccer ball, and leading the play? If not, then scratch that idea!

ETA: I should add that I think it's perfectly fine for him to just sit back and relax at recess if that's his preference.

Yes!

My child is an only and has always been more comfortable around adults. In fact, I think she first crashed when she turned 4, and after getting extreme positive approval from adults for so many years she found out that once other kids became more aware of each other, they weren't so generous.

Personality-wise, mine is a people pleaser and loves everyone. Struggling socially was a huge problem, and I would have been delighted if a teacher recognized it. Her teachers thought she enjoyed being alone. She didn't.

School problems at 4 led to us contacting a neuropychologist who suggested social skills classes with docile kids only. We felt like they were too expensive and that she did really well around other kids who needed help. It was the non-social skills class kids that she needed help with.

What we did was really hone into any connection that she did make and do playdates and keep those connections and friends. It was work. But it helped her through. She's now been to three different schools and we skill keep in touch with all those friends, even when it isn't easy.

Other than that, it has been a waiting game. She's now seven and is finally starting to do okay. Part of that is having a great teacher who really accepts her. The other part is having been in enough classes to meet the people like her. Now she's meeting them. She's still a wonky kid, but it isn't so problematic.

If it isn't a problem for your child, it isn't a problem, but three years of waiting it out in my house were very difficult. She still fears rejection and just isn't willing to be as open as she was before, but she's getting a lot better.

Edited: In what I see, self confidence begins when a child feels accepted. If no one accepts you, it's really hard to feel good about yourself. Does he feel accepted? If not, maybe the teacher can help with that.

aquinas, Sports, not really. We have thought about starting martial arts classes. It's a team but not, more self motivation. I dislike seat work, but kinder is going to be lots of it. His birthday is June 4th, so technically I could hold him back a year but he would be very advanced then!

Questions, my DS is a people pleaser. He gets so upset when he thinks someone doesn't like him. Or the teacher tells him no. He feels his feeling strongly. I will talk to his teacher about him feeling accepted. That's a good point!

Same! My 3 years old doesn't enjoy to play with his friends, except only one boy, who is very smart and also like to say joke and very gentle, no pushing, taking his toys, etc. We do always have playdate with other kids, as i am lucky to have 4 other friends to have babies in the same year. However, my son doesn't like to play with them, as they like to run around, take his toys, push him, making noise (they all like him a lot, but u know, they are just kids) so my son always ask for going back home during the play date. Right until last week, my son did enjoy play with one of the girl he doesn't like to play with before. I think the reason is that the girl finally can sit still to play, and finally have some imaginative play, and doesn't mess up what he is playing.
Other parents may always think that it is the problem of my son that he has poor social skill, but I finally find out actually it is the problem of the other kids that is not "mature" to play with. (Sorry to say that) Or I should say gifted kid should find some gifted kid to play with for their advanced thinking/playing need.

Did you observe any social skill problem when your DS has playdate? My son's psychologist teach my son to ask questions e.g."do u want xxx?" "May I play?" "It's my turn", etc.

Portia, may I ask how and where to test for vision processing issues? is it included in normal vision test? Thanks.

Thanks for the info Portia, I did have done some vision therapy when i was a kid as I have a lazy eye.

My boys experiences have been a bit different, but have struggled none the less. Ds7 did great in prek! He had a best friend, his teachers adored him, was well liked and happy. In k, fell apart- knew he was different, not sporty, boys wouldn't play with him or couldn't relate at all to some (like one boy whose nose was continually draining. My son was repulsed by this.) Ds7 is finally happy again in 2nd in a new gifted school with nurturing teachers and peers. Thank goodness!

My little one ds4 is in prek. His personality is looking more like his older brother now- very eager friend, verbally precocious, and sensitive. He does like to be funny, so he does have that. Well, he is having a much harder prek year (same teachers). He only wants 1 friend and she wants to be a free agent. I find him watching for me on the playground or talking to any teacher. He adores his big brother and they play well together. I wanted this year to be great for ds4, but not seeming that way.

One thing I have observed with both my boys, they watch other kids before deciding to approach them. Thus, there are many times when they choose to play alone even though there are age appropriate kids. Maybe your son doesn't want to play with those kids?

Also, a big group of running yelling kids can be overwhelming. Maybe your dc would be happier playing with one child. Maybe the teacher could help facilitate that? That's making me think: last year, ds4's teacher did a lot of scripted play for the classroom making kids play/ be different roles and work together (there's a fire, family in a house, firefighters come and rescue.) The teacher said he used this method for play dates if they kids had trouble finding a common activity.

I'm not saying kids don't have social issues or need help. This prek- elementary years are sooo hard! Hang in there! Keep us posted!

Cynthia, at playdayes he's great. He will play and interact. Sometimes both boys will play alone.

Melessa, I think there are a handful of kids he wants to play with, but most he doesn't. I agree with the mature aspect. I am hoping as his peers get older he will be able to relate to them more.

Well, I found out the major problem! My son is being picked on daily by one kid. Kicking, hitting, pushing, taking toys away, and personal space issues. DS was afraid to tell me b/c he thought he would get in trouble. This bully is isolating DS and not letting him join in during play. He's overwhelmed and confused about the situation. I am going to start a separate thread on bullying.

amielynn38, Glad that u find out the problem, but sad that it is so serious, i think the teacher must have to do sth to prevent it happen or you may consider changing your son to other school.

Cynthialcy, Yes, we are concerning changing. My hubs wants DS to stand up for himself, and though I agree to that reasoning, I also know he's only 4.