Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Suspected gifted 4 year old...what do I do?

You can use a flex spending account for psychological testing though I think which helps with the cost a little.

Ok, thanks, I will look into that

What can anyone tell me about the Gifted Development Center in Colorado? If it will give us the answers we desperately need to function as a family, it is worth it to me to fly out there with him...they sound like the most comprehensive evaluation out there.
I took their online "Is my child gifted" test and the results said "your child is likely highly gifted and testing is recommended" I cried when I read about the center, because the thought of having answers after several years of self doubt that have felt like an eternity. The stress he places on our family is almost debilitating to us all. I want to understand him so badly. I want some answers...

kdoelit-- I would be cautious of a diagnosis at four, if you think your son is gifted (he sounds like it). The exception might be HFA. Gifted, intense young boys can present as challenging (extreme).

Here's something that happened with us-- a different paradigm, just to show some possibilities:

1. DS at four-- defiant, explosive temper, extreme often aggressive tantrums at home, mischievous, manipulative, high levels of energy

2. DS at five and 1/2: deliberate defiance within normal limits, hyperactive energy only when he has not had enough exercise, tantrums still occasional sometimes aggressive, occasional deliberate mischief, difficulty making close friends

3. DS 6 1/2: occasionally deliberately defiant but extremely rule abiding at school, energetic but quite able to sit still appropriately, occasional tantrums and aggression with some insight into own behavior, no deliberate mischief, difficulty making close friendships. IQ test showed HG/EG gifted

4. Nearly eight (now): rarely deliberately defiant and never at school, can sit for long period of focus, occasional tantrums due to perfectionism and inflexibility, strong attempt to control behavior with coping strategies, no mischief, difficulty making close friendships. WJ achievement 99.9+ percentile

Diagnoses: likely generalized anxiety and social expressive receptive language disorder. Had I diagnosed him at four-- probably ADHD and ODD.

I agree that one wants to be quite careful (especially with intense HG children) about misdiagnosis at young ages.

I'm pretty confident that my DD would have been labeled ADD-inattentive and certainly would have been labeled with a conduct disorder at four. Maybe even at fourteen.

But her conduct is entirely voluntary and always has been. She's just not extrinsically motivated, and until her maturity caught up to her mental horsepower a bit better, she couldn't really regulate her attention to things that were outside her proximal zone. Emotional regulation was pretty good, but executive function was AWFUL.

She does have some anxiety issues-- but again, the pattern is all wrong for a "disorder" there, since the subtle reality is that her anxiety issues are internally regulated and imposed-- external stressors and pressure don't impact her behavior negatively or her performance either.

A high-intensity, highly gifted child might seem like a positive thing, and wow, wouldn't EVERY parent want such a profile in a child-- but the reality is not so rosy. Not by a long shot. It's extremely disruptive.

What works with my DD is to appeal to her cognition-- play to her strengths when imposing parental rules and restrictions. If you issue orders without "why" (or forbid questions about it) then she WILL own you one way or another-- no cost is too high at that point for her to run away with her autonomy. On the other hand, if you explain yourself (and have a reasonable explanation) she is surprisingly cooperative much of the time. Until she was about four, this was a nightmare, though, I won't kid you.

ITA. A lot of the conventional wisdom goes right into the dumpster with these kids.

Thank you so much cammom and HowlerKarma! That is very helpful information...my son sounds so much like yours Cammom!

He is highly impulsive, but only in particular situations...he is totally capable of focusing on a task for hours on end, following rules and being obedient...especially at school with his homeschool/unschooling teacher who gives him tons of freedoms. She told me she knows he doesn't have ADHD, although most people would think so due to the excess energy. He would easily be diagnosed with ADHD and ODD if tested now, I just know it. His challenge of authority is unreal right now. Moreso than is age appropriate. That is good to know that those things can improve as they get older!! The odd thing is how he is capable of controlling himself at times, but other times loses control. You never know what you are going to get...the tantrums have gotten slightly better, not as long as they were at age 2-3. The loudness of his voice is what gets me constantly...did anybody deal with this? I swear he is the loudest person on the planet, lol. He likes to be loud just for the sake of being loud. Sometimes singing at the top of his lungs, sometimes just talking loud. Not sure if this is sensory or what. I told him he needs to get on stage and he does gravitate towards music.

So do you guys recommend getting an IQ test though? Not necessarily a diagnosis but just to know that he may indeed be gifted and to structure his education accordingly. I definitely don't want him labled with something like ODD or ADHD....I am thankful to have him in the program that I do, and he can continue to go to her for one more year after this, but after that he will be kindergarten age and I'm not sure if she is allowed to homeschool him or not. She homeschooled all of her children and her 10 year old twins are likely gifted also and doing 8th grade math so she knows what she is doing. I feel like she is the best person to help us educate him. Any resources I can pass along to her?

Agreed Cmguy! Family and friends always tell me what worked for their kids...my parents especially like to say things like "you guys never acted this way, you never did these things." Exactly!! He is totally different than any kid I have ever met

If it were me, I would not get an IQ test right now. The chance for an inaccurate result at four, is high-- especially if your DS is having some issues with impulse control and frustration.

Case in point-- my DS took an entrance exam for school right at age five. He decided he was interested in the math section and scored in the 99th percentile. He decided he was not interested in the literacy section and scored in the 4th percentile.

We spent months wondering if had a learning disability, until he took another test putting him a couple of years above grade level in reading and language scores in the 99th percentile. I guess he decided that he was more interested in the test the second time. See what I mean?

And socially I have a question for you all...he seems to have trouble making friends also. What kind of social issues have you had over the years? Does what I describe sound familiar at all or what could be going on here? He LOVES other kids, talks about them and obsesses about them a little bit even. But when he interacts with them he has a hard time following social cues and gets alienated. The other kids seem to be able to tell he is "different." Sometimes he wants to play but ends up hitting another child just for the hell of it...or spitting at them. The other kids run away and don't want to play with him and he wonders why. It seems simple to us, we tell him don't hit anyone or spit at anyone, they don't want to play with you if you act that way! When he talks with us he rarely does things like that. He particularly does this with very young kids.

An instance recently...there is a trampoline with a net at his school...which is AMAZING for his energy. He randomly out of nowhere hit a 1 year old little girl in the face. For no apparent reason. He wasn't allowed to jump the rest of the day. The next day he goes on the trampoline and does it again! Same thing...you talk to him, explain why that is not ok. He apologizes, says "I'm sorry, I won't do it again...sorry to the other child, hugs her, acts ok..." Then he did it one more time! Do these kids sometimes have a hard time learning from their mistakes socially? When asked why he keeps doing this his response "I just like making other people feel bad..." I don't like that response, I don't like that anger in a child....we don't spank him, we realized quickly that we could not do that to such a child...not sure where the anger comes form, it seems internal...frustration possibly? should we be concerned about this or could it be part of being gifted in some way? He is always sweet with this other child while indoors or playing, only in the trampoline setting does he get violent. He can jump with older kids and he respects them, doesn't try to hit them...it's only younger kids. I can't let him play with kids his age or younger kids, it's always a disaster...

It makes me sad for him that he was bullied at his old montessori school. The other kids called him "the bad guy" and wouldn't play with him because he got in trouble a lot. He points to their pictures in his yearbook and still remembers who told him he couldn't play with them and this was a year ago at age 3!! Bullying starts so young...