Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School When they pretend like they can't

aeh, thank you for the reassurance. I keep on fearing that my DD would be as difficult as I was as a teen (age 13 & 14 were the worst years) and that terrifies me. I never caused any real problems as in I was a good student and I never did anything illegal but I was very unpleasant to be around back then, to put it mildly.

My parents were not around much when I was growing up so they were more like abstract figures to me rather than real people. I probably have swung to the extreme opposite direction with DD and I wonder if I am too present in her life and that's going to make her rebel against me more but it's not like she's going to be 4 forever and once she starts K next year, she'd be gone just about all day.

I am so hoping that she'd be over been a teen before she actually becomes a teenager.

Sorry for the thread hijack.

puffin, DD normally only gets treats when we are celebrating special occasions/accomplishments and I try not to bribe but I NEED her to cooperate during testing so we won't be throwing our applications fees down the drain.

I am so tempted to put her through private testing first so at least I'd know now rather than months later.

Mana, my DD15 at 15 is nothing like most of the teens we know. She is reasonable, (mostly) not unpleasant to be around, and in short, very much not what I feared in my heart of hearts back when she was 7 or 8.

She did go through her asynchronous terrible teens early. Much to my immense relief, let me add.

My second ds 4 is very much like this about Everything! It's on his terms, that's it! Until about 1 year ago, we thought maybe he was what a "normal" kid looked. He did meet many milestones before his brother, except lagged in speech.

I have seen bits of what he knows, but that's all. Ex. During a game when he was 3, he could show me that he could add and subtract. I found out he could count in Spanish to 20, when I overheard him counting... On the toilet. He is spelling, but not really reading. He led a pretty good discussion with his brother about what cosmos was about.

However, if I ask him anything that would demonstrate knowledge "I don't know" and "I can't" are the only responses I get. It is very frustrating to me.

All this leads me to worry about testing. I'm afraid he won't show his true ability. And he will need to be tested to be considered for the school his brother attends.

Also, from reading through the thread, I'm wondering if this is somewhat normal for the second child?

"They" say the 2nd child chooses different behaviors to differentiate from the 1st child. But I don't know. DS was entirely different from DD when he was a baby (terrible sleeper, weak internal clock, didn't want to be in a wrap, loved the baby swing, etcetc) so I dunno.

On Sunday we were working on something in the garage and I caught him counting our pieces by 2's. I have no idea where he learned that. Maybe at school? He's such a mystery.

I'm on the fence about having him tested and trying to skip him directly into 1st next year. I think he's the sort of child who will just bump along doing whatever everyone else is doing and causing trouble when he's bored.

Aufilia- that's my concern with my ds4. No good advice, but I can empathize.

HowlerKarma, a girl I watched grow up (most likely gifted, 99%+ achievements in all subject areas) also went through a very difficult phase when she was around 8-9; she was very moody and difficult to communicate to then she went back to being herself. She did hit another rough patch after she turned 18 but that probably had more to do with external factors.

I think I'm being paranoid because I feel we're making all kinds of wrong decisions for her and she's going to be really resentful when she realizes how incompetent we are as parents.

Yes! I have the damnedest time with my DD over this. Getting her to say she doesn't know or to make an educated guess in circumstances under which I know she doesn't know is like pulling my own teeth. I am at my wits end and have to keep saying 'she is only 9 so maybe she will grow out of it one day' to myself like a mantra at times.

Funny follow-up story -- 2 months later, with a whole lot of silent patience & tongue-biting on my part and letting his Montessori teachers do their thing at school, DS is now reading books like Mr. Putter and Tabby, and Frog and Toad books, quite easily and often spontaneously. He still likes to just plain guess at a lot of words rather than slowing down to actually figure them out, but he's gotten better, I think.