Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Books FOR strong-willed children?

I've posted previously about our off/on challenges parenting our very logical, very much "his way," constantly arguing PG son. This morning a thought popped into my head that perhaps there's a book written specifically for children like this -- something that helps them see things from the parents/authority figures viewpoint. Probably wishful thinking on my part. Does anyone know of any such book?

Maybe it would help if you elaborated on the problem, because strong-willed, when coupled with logical, can be a strength, rather than a weakness. That combination of traits is a great insulation against peer pressure later. It can get exhausting explaining the logic behind all of your rules, but the payoff is that the child will often self-enforce once the logic has been accepted.

And sometimes they go overboard with the self-enforcement, like when you explain why they need to wear seat belts, and they start wearing their bike helmets for every car ride, earning you judgmental stares everywhere you go.

I don't know if there is a "boys" version, but we've had good luck with the Smart Girl's Guides (getting along with family, etc).

The Prince by Machiavelli?

p.s. I think I may have misread the question.

We read the graphic novel version of Icarus and Daedalus to emphasize the importance of listening parents regarding safety issues.

ConnectingtheDots, I don't know of such a book, but I'd definitely have DD read it. I'm not sure exactly what you are dealing with, but I have a super-strong-willed one myself. As others have mentioned, it DOES have a potential upside (having some of these qualities as an adult), but definitely not the easiest child to parent.

I have plenty of respect for the upside to these traits, but am trying to figure out how we also help him understand the "seeing others point of view" side of the equation and that it truly isn't necessary to argue Every Single Part of Your Day. (From a future standpoint, in my experience, adults who have strong wills but who learn that there are other points of view/approaches).

Currently, there are a lot of nagging little things. Dinner is never right (thus whining and fussy about what's served and why are we having it again). If he doesn't want to do something (ex. learn to put on soccer apparel, go to bed to sleep/put the book away), it's a battle. Nothing is ever as simple as having it done when one asks. This is in marked contrast to our other child, and frankly, to how my spouse was raised. This isn't going well. I was hoping there was something (besides his parents) that might talk to the point of there being benefits to going along with what one is asked to do by one's parents.

On the plus side, he's not a daredevil and has good respect for safety items (ex. put your seatbelt on before we start the car). He is said to be very kind to his classmates.

I feel for you - my DD sounds similar. The biggest upside is that she is NOT a follower. But yes (sigh), as you say - nothing (dinner, homework, social guidance) is simple and she usually does NOT just take our word for it. If nothing else, you are not alone.

Yes, also in marked contrast to our other child.

If DD9 starts whining, we first ask her, "Are you whining?" as a warning. If she continues, she gets to deposit a dollar in DW's whine jar. DW always acts enthusiastically about receiving the money, and talks about how she could really use it.


Failure to go to bed on time means DD's bedtime moves earlier the next day. We haven't had the issue with books, but when putting away toys became an issue, we started collecting all of the the loose toys and putting them in the garage.


Basically, we demonstrated to DD that we, as parents, are the wellspring of all the wonderful privileges she enjoys, and going along with our reasonable requests ensures continued enjoyment of said privileges. If she has any questions, we'll be happy to address them, though not necessarily at that particular moment, because there may be a need for urgency or discretion.

Actually with the new description, I'd say you can't go wrong with Aesop's Fables and so many fairy tales from around the world. I still every now and then, catch my thoughts and say "Fox in Grapes" to renew my perspective.

But I think viewing behaviors as symptoms makes resolving things easier. Once you call it "strong willed" and a "battle," I think you paint your options into a bit of a corner.