Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Educating the teacher - need some help

Have you considered an approach of obtaining an IEP/504, to make it official that your child needs and would benefit from specific agreed-upon and documented instruction and/or accommodations? Information available through wrightslaw and the book "From Emotions to Advocacy".

Unfortunately, a less comprehensive approach may be akin to swatting at flies.

Most of the teachers I have come in contact with respond well when you explain that your child, who is otherwise happy to learn and socialize, has been wanting to stay home from school and then explain the reasons your child is telling you that. I think this is understood by elementary school teachers to be a sign that something needs to be addressed and may be your "in" to helping the teacher understand your daughter.

I also think that the guidance counselor is a good resource and, when needed, has been helpful to me in a meeting with a teacher by being a translator and facilitating communication.

I totally understand the idea behind going in with articles, and I'm a research junkie myself. This is a situation where you really need to be sensitive to the politics of the situation, however. It may seem that this teacher is unfamiliar with HG kids, but otoh, she most likely, if she's been teaching for at least a few years, has run into parents advocating for children that they consider to be gifted - whether they are gifted or not. There's also a good chance that she considers herself the expert on education, not you the parent. There's a subtle but real difference between trying to help someone understand behaviors that are due to giftedness and behaviors that are due to ADHD or an LD etc, and while research articles to explain Developmental Coordination Disorder might be welcomed if presented in the right way, an article about educating an HG child might be perceived entirely differently. That doesn't mean you shouldn't never ever do it - it's just been my experience that it's important to tread lightly and really think through what your objective in sharing the article is.


It's easy to wish that there was a better fit school - but for kids who have organizational challenges (Executive Functioning) these will usually exist even in the best-fit schools. Having a class that meets your dd's intellectual strengths isn't going to make the organizational challenges go away. I found that for my 2e ds, even when he wasn't in an academically challenging setting, giving him support for his 2e needs made a huge difference in whether or not he was happy going to school. Having the support for his challenges in place also made it easier to advocate for differentiation, because the focus on the part of the school staff was no longer on his challenges.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Totally agree with this approach. We saw a much more supportive response from the school when our child was visibly "unhappy" than any other time. The guidance counselors were especially helpful, as was the gifted support teacher. In my experience, elementary school teachers seem to highly value "happiness" in their students, and are open to finding ways to help make them less unhappy with school.

I had this experience as well. DS kept talking about wanting to be home-schooled and that seemed more convincing to teachers that there was a problem to be solved than anything I had to say otherwise. It makes parents look less helicopterish if there is a child right there saying that they hate school. DS actually told the most recent teacher himself that he hated the math and science and that his first grade teacher gave him and it needs to be "harder". If it had just come from me, I have a feeling the teacher wouldn't have listened nearly as much.

I'm grinning and being pessimistic at the same time. I have this image of the teacher saying "I'm the teacher. I don't need to be educated!"

My experience here is that the only way to make progress is to couch it in terms of making classroom management easier. I have never, ever uttered the word "gifted." I emphasize that we work hard on these issues at home, too, and that we want to be "aligned" with what they are doing at school.

For some reasons, schools love that word "aligned."

So anyway, I offer concrete strategies that have been successful at home and for other teachers/care takers. I say things like, "watch for [this specific] sign that he is getting wound up" and if you see it, redirect with a few calm words NOT related to behavior (e.g., "DS, can you show me where you are on this project, and what your plan is?"). "Try not to impose rules without explaining why they are necessary." Let DS sit close to you. Let DS sit at a table away from very loud kids. Etc.... When teachers hear "this will make your life easier" and "other teachers found this helpful" they more likely will give it a try.

One tangential point: It really PISSES me off (sorry for the harsh language) that if we mention this fundamental aspect of our children's being, teachers shut down. There is no other issue that kids deal with that gets so summarily dismissed.

My neighbor, bless her, has sensed this problem. Though I have NEVER discussed DS's IQ/giftedness with her (or anybody else), she has noticed how quick he is. She has a child who is challenged with LDs on the other end of the bell curve as well as some physical disabilites. She has remarked several times how much easier it is for her to get all sorts of support and accommodation from the school than for us to even get understanding for what DS struggles with.

I recall my neighbor's kind comments on days when I'm really beating my head against the wall. But I have this unbelievable feeling of frustration and anger that I can't even TALK ABOUT fundamental aspects of how his brain works. Because ... why?

It's somehow offensive? Oh but everybody loves reading stories about child prodigies. So long as the story only talks about thrilling successes. We'll have no discussion of difficulties posed by, integrally part of, that child's prodigious abilities!!

Or it's viewed as making excuses? Well, it's not viewed as making excuses when basically every other "diagnosis" is discussed. And many of them are based on less hard data than DS's PG-ness.

I'm venting uselessly here, but this makes me so sad and angry. And you guys are the only folks I can discuss this with.

Sue

Well, I'm off for the PT conference. It's even worse than I thought. After I sat down and compared scores from last year to this year, line by line, it was so apparent that something drastic has happened. I found DD's notes about why school is bad (I interviewed her about this awhile back)so instead of me sounding like a over worried parent, the teacher can hear it from DD herself. No helicopter here!!
I did try to work with the school MSW. Sadly, the counselor suggested it would be better if we met with the teacher ourselves. I already approached her for help last week.
Wish us luck!!

Good luck to you. Fingers crossed that something useful happens!

Sue

I was told "lots of kids say they don't like school but it doesn't mean anything". OK my younger is a homebody so in his case it usually means he needs a break rather than he hates it but the one who was complaining isn't like that.