Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Improving time management skills

Then give her more time to poetify or whatever it is she wants to do.

Mine was also fine at school--the model student, actually, according to all teachers (except for talking a lot). I think it was very stressful performing all day, which made the evenings that much worse. There was nothing left by that time. No energy for self-management of any kind, really.

I'd love to. She's not overscheduled. The point of getting her to manage her HW better is so she can poetify or whatever!

DD is motivated to do her HW but is not motivated to manage time well. If left to her own devices, she will fiddle around, putz about, then suddenly realize crap needs to get done as bedtime approaches (we are firm on bedtime), freak out, cry, beg for bedtime extension, perfectionism kicks in worse, hysterical scene, etc. BTDT. I wish I could say that her grades do not matter and she could have the learning experience of turning in some 0s, but her grade actually do matter because we are zoned for problem schools and she must apply to competitive magnet middle schools, who rely heavily on grades for admission. Yeah, it's kind of a mess.

There is no or very little class time given for HW. No one gets it done in class. HW is a huge grievance for parents. It actually was better last year (4th) than in 3rd, so possibly some of the complaints were heard. 3rd was horrific.

So much good and useful discussion here.

I really agree with HowlerKarma about the perfectionism. That usually showed up as an inability to even start a project or tearing up work that wasn't what she wanted. Percy's comment about breaking things down into manageable chunks worked for us too. I noticed the school doing this on a recent assignment they sent home. Different parts of the assignment were assigned to different days with two deadlines to meet for part A and Part B. DD didn't need that but it would be good for less organised kids.

HowlerKarma is also spot on that there is a limit to how far you can go with acceleration without stretching the bounds of the executive functioning of a little being. Our DD is till a little person in so many ways and we are mindful of that.

It's interesting about the creativity. School can stifle it at times. DD gets really upset if an assignment is too rigid in its layout and she has no scope for creativity. Be that introducing colour, different fonts, interesting layout. Hope you find some more outlets for your DDs creative spirit. Creativity is as important as academic achievement.

Oh, this discussion is hitting close to home. DD9 was a DISASTER about finishing/getting to homework last year - and I tore my hair out trying to get her to just start, and then finish it all year long. When her G&T class started she was also clearly getting MORE homework than she had previously been getting. I'll admit, some of the homework WAS horrifically boring or busywork...but still. DD might be a tad ADD-ish herself when it comes to homework (excellent PSI, but much lower WM/average than reasoning; no Dx, though; always been strong-willed and a tad impulsive) - although the teacher described her as always "working so hard" at school (hmmm...I always wondered about that). Then she'd get home. She wanted to do ANYTHING but focus on what needed to get done. I tried letting her get to it later, but then she turned into a puddle. I tried making her start earlier, but she seemed to have no focus left (she left it at school???). We always got it done, but it wasn't pretty.

She absolutely does NOT manage her time well. At all. I don't know that grades will motivate her - that is not WHY she has ever learned anything. She learns things because they interest her.

I honestly think part of it is DD needing to "contain" herself at school (be less DD-like to "fit within the confines of school") - she seems to have no discipline left when she gets home for homework. I am glad she is trying to um, "fit" a bit (she couldn't contain herself very well when younger and we'd occassionally hear about it), but she has no patience left when she gets home.

I am seriously thinking of establishing a reward system with Minecraft time (both DC are obsessed, but I limit it - and I admit to using it as a carrot) for getting her work done in a reasonable amount of time this year...I need to come up with SOMETHING.

Carrots are fine! I work for carrots still, only they tend to be the promise of another cup of tea or a little bit of chocolate etc. Everyone needs rewards. Sure it would be lovely to think our kids work for intrinsic satisfaction all the time but I don't. If it is something that interest me, then like Loy58's DD I can plug away for hours. The washing etc....not so much.

We did some carrots in 3rd because I felt like the demands were insane and she should be rewarded if she succeeded. Now...I struggle a bit more with it philosophically. I believe in carrots when you are being asked to do something inherently unpleasant or unreasonable. IDK. It feels a bit oogy to me at this age and stage. But I guess it depends on how "natural" vs. staged and paid they are.

I know what you mean but the carrots don't have to be so obvious. If DD is working hard but starting to look restless I might offer her a treat like a bowl of strawberries or, yes, M&Ms (lucky she loves fruit over chocolate but she is also a sugar hound). Interestingly she took on board a seminar at school on working for 40 mins and then taking a break to do something enjoyable and that in itself is a treat. We don't reward success as such but try to get DD to delay doing stuff she loves to do in her break, be that Minecraft, watch some anime, listen to music, skype with friends...It's actually what most adults do.....get the chores done then relax and do something nice. That's if they can find an end to the chores.

They end?

Actually, the better way to think about reward systems, whether natural ones like ndw is using, or more staged ones, is as scaffolding. We are trying to teach the kids how to delay gratification--that there are real life rewards to using your time efficiently. But at this age, even very high cognitive kids often don't have the executive functions to hold out for the whole bowl of candy later over a few pieces now. Reward systems are a way to give them an immediate small reward for delaying the bigger reward (have your cake and eat it too!), and a way to support the process of gradually extending the length of your delay prior to gratification. The eventual big reward is the ability to manage yourself and your environment in such a way as to attain life satisfaction (achieve your goals, become the kind of person you can respect, have a positive impact on the world, etc.). That's too abstract and too far away, so we create miniature intermediate rewards as stepping stones or frameworks to hold onto as we make our way there.

Yes, if you reframe the rewards as helpful tools in shaping behaviour, in order to create good work habits...it helps philosophically.
Also, it just makes DS happy if I think of something nice, or yummy, as a reward. It stops the whining instantly and gives him a boost of energy which sometimes leads to him finishing much more than I had suggested to earn the reward.
After all, I still have to do this for myself, to stop myself from doodling, daydreaming, procrastinating...just how do other people manage to get through 8 or 9 hours of constant boring work without being able to think a thought for themselves? I still can't do it. We shouldn't ask it of ten year olds, really.