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    Joined: Jul 2011
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    Originally Posted by ultramarina
    I wish I could say that her grades do not matter and she could have the learning experience of turning in some 0s, but her grade actually do matter because we are zoned for problem schools and she must apply to competitive magnet middle schools, who rely heavily on grades for admission. Yeah, it's kind of a mess.

    This seems to be the problem.

    I would move out of the problem school area.

    I'm living in my house in significant part because of the school districting at the moment.

    Granted, principal change is causing the possibility of requiring an immediate move or transfer to another county where property is owned (requiring a 40 minute school commute).

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    Moving is not a possibility for a variety of reasons and actually probably wouldn't help that much anyway--middle school is a problem for everyone here. The best option by far is the magnet. We knew we were taking a risk when we bought this house in this zone, but it saved us probably 100K, so it is what it is.

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    Originally Posted by Percy
    4. Finally, consider whether the work is broken down into manageable chunks. My DS used to just sit and daydream because he did not know how or have the ability to initiate the task. We generally go over the assignment together we work out a plan to get it done, then using the timer, etc. he does the best he can at task persistence.

    For us, this is huge. It's also (eventually) a teachable skill: look at what has to be done, decide how long each chunk should take, and try to stick to that plan.

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    Here's how we manage DD9's homework approach:

    - DD is ordered to "go play" immediately after school, unless there's some time crunch because of imminent scheduled activities. She needs to detox.

    - DD determines what homework to do and in what order. We only prod her to make sure that all of it is done.

    - DD is highly social, so isolation during homework is a terrible approach for her. It would feel like punishment to her. Even if she doesn't need any help, I end up sitting with her while she's working.

    - DD is highly motivated by extrinsic rewards, so we shamelessly pay her for grades. To improve immediacy (because 9 weeks is A LONG TIME at that age), we give her small rewards each time she brings home a paper with a letter grade on it. To short-circuit her own perfectionism, we have a reward for Bs as well as As. Those grades are starting to become their own reward system.

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    ultra, you already have good advice and I don't have much more to offer re how to help reduce scaffolding *now*… but did want to offer up a tiny sliver of hope - I've noticed with the older two of my children that once they hit middle-school age (or puberty) (or both) their ability to stay focused and on task with homework improved *significantly*. Organizational skills too. I think that maturing helped them with it as much as anything else… so if you can just hang onto your sanity for a year or two it's quite possible things might get better smile

    Hang in there!

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    My DS was encouraged by one of his teachers to use a Time Management Technique called the Pomodoro Technique. She had several after school classes to help the kids get started using it. I have the outline in pdf.


    I also takes Dudes approach. You get some me time first thing when you get home. I also sit with my ds and read or something during homework time.

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    Working with a timer as in "work for 15 mins then you can have a 5 min break" has never worked well for me - the break never comes when I need it! For the last few years I've been using (for record keeping purposes initially, but I find it has other benefits) an Android app called Timesheet. You set up projects - could be Homework, or Maths, or whatever - and then there's a big button to press when you start a task, and another to press when you finish it, and it times you. But the thing I didn't realise would be so helpful is a Pause/Resume button, that allows and records breaks. The nice thing is that this separates time when it's OK to be doodling, checking Facebook or whatever cleanly from time when it's not. With a child, I might suggest "take a short break whenever you need it, but get this piece of work done by X with no more than Y minutes of break" if you think it might work better to permit limited as-needed breaks than to regulate them completely.


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    Originally Posted by ColinsMum
    Working with a timer as in "work for 15 mins then you can have a 5 min break" has never worked well for me - the break never comes when I need it! For the last few years I've been using (for record keeping purposes initially, but I find it has other benefits) an Android app called Timesheet. You set up projects - could be Homework, or Maths, or whatever - and then there's a big button to press when you start a task, and another to press when you finish it, and it times you. But the thing I didn't realise would be so helpful is a Pause/Resume button, that allows and records breaks. The nice thing is that this separates time when it's OK to be doodling, checking Facebook or whatever cleanly from time when it's not. With a child, I might suggest "take a short break whenever you need it, but get this piece of work done by X with no more than Y minutes of break" if you think it might work better to permit limited as-needed breaks than to regulate them completely.

    I'll have to look for that app. This is actually the same approach we take to instrument practice: you must have practiced so many minutes by the end of the day. If you stop practicing, stop the timer. When you resume, restart the timer. I did eventually have to give them some guidelines about the proportion of work to breaks. Our current modification is that at least 80% of any given session needs to consist of actual practice. (Otherwise, they sit at the piano and noodle for half an hour, after practicing for five minutes.)


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    ColinsMum, I like that idea as well. I think I will start with a simple timer approach but if that does not work, we will try an app. There are so many great apps now. It's wonderful.

    She does get a break when she first gets home--half an hour.

    I thank all of you for these great ideas. I was feeling really frustrated and now I feel much more hopeful.

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