Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How do you do it? Overwhelmed...

Hi all,

I am amazed by the many brave parents here, who advocate well for their children and find educational solutions to meet their needs.

I have 2 DC at 2 different schools (this is the norm here, based on their ages), and I am just OVERWHELMED. I had started a dialogue with DYS DD9's school earlier this year, based on the data we finally had on her, and thought things were going well. But when I got a call from another person "in the loop" earlier in the week, I just started to CRUMBLE. I was backpedaling, watering down my concerns, not saying quite what I wanted to say (ugh!) - it was horrible. I get the sense that the person I spoke with this week did not have the same information that the original person I spoke with did and I needed to tap dance all over again. I was always raised not to brag and I found the conversation exhausting.

And I have DS6's (just tested and DYS-level scores) school (a different one) still left to talk to...how do you all do it? Is the school system even going to believe me when I tell them that not one, but BOTH of them have some special educational needs? How do you not loose your resolve?

I guess I'm just venting a bit here, but I am overwhelmed (as in, not sleeping well at night, worried about both of them, etc.).

Thanks for listening!

One quick tip is to have a picture of your child in front of you as you advocate, whether the advocacy is in person or remote.

Whenever I go into important negotiations, I create a vision board with images of my goal, a few mantras, and look at it while ruminating on the approach I'll take. I often draft an outline of the strategy I'll take, rehearse it the night before (or for several days!), and do a visualization the morning of the negotiation of myself acting out the strategy successfully, focusing on how I feel. This helps keep me grounded in negotiations, attuned to my inner state, and focused on concrete actions I can take to support achieving my goal. Usually in the lead-up to the meeting, I'll listen to a few loud heavy metal songs to get psyched up.

I'm totally and completely overwhelmed this week with worrying about school. I have no advice, but wanted to tell you that you are not alone.

Thank you! Great tips, aquinas! I obviously need to work on my skills - being a bit caught off guard (not a planned call) just made me a mess.

Thank you, Mom2Two. Actually, it is very, very nice to not feel alone in this.

Loy58, in-person advocacy seems overwhelming to me at times - I don't really have the personality for it, my nature is to be a people-pleaser. I've found that the things that help me the most are similar to what aquinas mentioned - I think through my goals before a conversation/meeting, I outline the strategy I plan to use ahead of time, and to be honest - I put as much as I can in writing so I don't have to worry about forgetting to add something or being too scared to mention something when we meet in person. What's in writing might be simply something I keep with me as a reminder of what to cover - *or* - it might be something I give to the person(s) I am talking to. I also find that with people (teachers especially) as busy as they are in general, email works well for many things - so one way to approach advocacy is to outline what you are asking for in an email and then follow-up with a personal contact at drop-off/pick-up etc and mention the email. Note - there are times when email *doesn't* work - for all sorts of reasons. If you don't get a response from the person you sent it to, you might never know for certain that it was delivered or if it was delivered if the person is ignoring you or is just busy. An overly detailed email might put off a teacher depending on their personality, where a too-brief email might not accomplish what you're hoping to accomplish.

I hope that makes sense!

Best wishes,

polarbear

Just saw your note about being caught off-guard. One thing that you can do is to choose a canned response that you can always use when you're caught off guard, to postpone the conversation until later when you've had time to think it through and prepare. For instance, you can always say "Ms. x, I appreciate your question and want to be able to discuss this with you further, but I"m in the middle of something (or on the way to somewhere) - can we meet to discuss this later? etc.

Best wishes,

polarbear

I think you get better and better at tap dancing. Advocating well is art. The good news is that with such bright children, you can raise them to participate in their education as well. One of our most successful strategies was asking our DS to participate in the requests to make adjustments for his educational needs.

Teachers and administrators deal with parents all the time. They are used to setting boundaries and enforcing the standard. Statistically speaking, in a public school system the HG, EG, and PG child is something they probably do not encounter with frequency. Given time and exposure to the child, eventually they are as bewildered and intrigued by the unusual/ precocious abilities as the parents themselves. The key is to have them participate early and frequently with your child's needs. We have found that waiting for teachers to "catch on" misses an important window.

Loy58, hang in there! I too am feeling very overwhelmed at the moment. School has started for DD last week. She's starting 1st grade again essentially because she went to first grade after kinder at her old school last year.
On top of that we have decided that we really should start the IEP process for my older DC and I am completely overwhelmed! So I can understand...I am very nervous approaching the principal with more "issues" from us.

Hi. I am feeling a little like this as well. My DD starts kindergarten next week. She has not officially been tested, so I have no official scores or anything to back up what I know. I am very anxious for her to start and to meet her teacher.
I have to fill out a little form before the first day that lists strengths, weaknesses and "anything else you want the teacher to know". I could probably write paragraphs but only have a couple of lines.

You are not alone. I don't advocate. I can't prove my child needs anything because NZ does not test really (standards are national but fairly subjective) and while he is supposedly a year ahead (that is as far as they go) in reading and maths he is behind in writing. They do their maths in mixed ability groups. There is nothing i can realistically advocate for. I picked the school for several reasons but most of them have changed since then. Schools are all much the same here so changing wouldn't help. So i don't advocate.

Last night ds7 said he wanted to be like other kids. He thinks if he wasn't gluten free and didn't have toileting problems and didn't get dehydrated if he doesn't drink enough he would be just like everyone else.