Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School Starting to worry about age difference

DD(4.5) is starting Her last year in Primary (Kindergarden) this fall. Due to this, the whole summer she has been placed in the Kindergarden groups of camps as they go by grade. She is making very close friends and having a great time. My issue is that everyone in her camps (and most in her class this coming year) are 6, not 5 as I would have assumed. Her best friend at camp is 6 and they hold hands and are constantly together. I am worried that the other kids are going to start thinking she is too little/baby simply based on her age AND she is small for her age making her seem really little compared to them. I remember around that age being upset my best friend was 6 months older than me because kids are constantly trying to find out who is the oldest. DD hardly ever is able to find friends her age she clicks with and is sort of particular about even the older kids (need to be bubbly, girly, like princesses, imaginary play, ect).

I'm just worried she will become the kid who is over the top obsessed with a child that thinks DD is too young/little. Seriously, I can't imagine what I would think if a child 2 years younger than DD was her best friend or in her class. I'm not sure what I would think. I just didn't over think this when I agreed to skip her (which I do think is best academically). In our state people hold back a lot though so she is in a class of kids so much older.

What do you think? Has anyone else been through this & how did it go?

My #1 was 5-7 at the beginning of first grade, so same age difference, and likewise small for age. And in a class with some mighty tall kids (some taller than I while still in elementary--although that's not perhaps saying all that much!). (Skipped K, so can't speak specifically to that.) We did not have a lot of difficulty with friends, or even being the class pet, but this is our raging extrovert child, so that might be more of a factor than age difference. 1 has historically, and continues to be, more drawn to kids a year or two older.

Not much experience yet, but we will face similar issues with DS. He is short for his age and will be the youngest...I am mostly worried about bullying/rough play on the playground/during PE by the other boys - who seem sooo much bigger.

What do you think? Has anyone else been through this & how did it go?

Well, yes. I won't lie to you-- my DD apparently lost a best friend over this as recently as... um... well, high school seniors. He's 18, and she... um... never lied about her age, just didn't rub his nose in it. Well, it's COMPLICATED as all get out when they get into adolescence, certainly, even if they can "pass" (as my DD most certainly can). Back when she couldn't, though-- she got treated like a sideshow or a pet or a kid sister. That's the bottom line. But anything BUT that acceleration-- unthinkable.

ONE year eventually becomes less noticeable. More than that pretty much dogs them socially until adulthood. No wonder it can't come soon enough to suit HG+ kids, honestly...

There IS a price to be paid for acceleration, and this is it, as far as I can tell.

But what are your other options, speaking realistically??

There are other options, depending on where you live. If you live in a major metropolitan area with a highly educated population, chances are that you can find a cluster of PG kids at specific schools. My PG daughter attends a private school that has a national reputation and sends about a quarter of the graduating class to Ivy League or similar schools. Although it is not as challenging for her as it could be, she has an amazing peer group (e.g. kids with near perfect scores on the SAT/ACT in middle school). My PG son attends a gifted public school that also offers a great peer group even though the academics are somewhat uneven. Even though acceleration is great for some kids, there are definitely other options.

She is at a private montessori that has a large group (over half) that qualify for CTY each year. The public schools are supposed to be amazing but on touring them the K is doing what she did when she was 3 (really not exaggerating). And their "accelerated" program doesn't start until 2nd grade.

She really is in a good school for her as it is mixed age through 8th grade. We may just keep there. Next year is mixed grades 1-2 but she can't wait because her best friends are going to 1st this year so she will be back with them next.

Thank you for the insight. Any tips, experiences are very welcomed. She needs a growth spurt which maybe she'll still have? DH & I are tall & her 2yo sister is quickly catching up to her...

I skipped a grade plus had a late spring birthday and never noticed an age difference between me and my peers. To this day, all of my friends are a few years older than me. Frankly (and this is my two cents) I think we make way too much of an issue of age these days.

http://m.newyorker.com/online/blogs/elements/2013/09/youngest-kid-smartest-kid.html

DD9 hasn't been skipped, but as we get ready for "academic planning" for DD with the school this fall, I would be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about the fact that she is: 1) already on the young side of her grade, especially with the "holding back" that goes on around us (many of her "summer birthday" peers from pre-K are already in the grade behind her due to being "held back" by parents); 2) quite short for her age, not just her grade (I know this seems unimportant, but she IS quite self-conscious about this already).

Still, I know she needs SOMETHING different than what we've been doing. She didn't even come close to "evening out in 3rd grade." So now we need to consider the options - I COMPLETELY understand your concerns, so at this point, I am lending moral support.

What I COULD have done was have her tested earlier, which would have probably shown that "evening out" was not going to happen (her later test results that were eventually done show why this was so). But we didn't test her at a young age - we waited until the school did it for its own programming. I am probably going to make some adjustments based on this experience with Child #2.

Are only the parents of girls responding? What about boys?

My older son is and has always been below "the charts" in height...we cheer when his height makes it on the chart. His best friend was the tallest in the class in fourth and fifth grade...they looked so cute together...Bert and Ernie cute.

My younger son tall...not off the charts tall but 90%tile tall. For us he is a giant....his best friend in first, second and last year is a child like my older son....teeny below the chart...

My point is, in my experience height isn't an issue. Kids like kids who they like and height doesn't even matter. We have never skipped my older son...but if height had come up in a meeting about skipping we would have said that even if we put him down two grades he would still not be considered tall, in no environment will he ever be anything but short....that is just something he lives with like having blue eyes. I keep thinking someone has to be short...or else no one could be average and tall.

Now we did skip my younger son and height never came up....because I bet he would have to go up two more grades before he looked smallish.