Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Proactively tackling perfectionism in preschoolers

We also like the "Dinosaur Train" TV show for this. Buddy the T-Rex makes new hypotheses from time time. Sometimes he is wrong - but he is always excited to learn new things.

some books are great examples of how people keep trying - like The Glorious Flight - he built 10 planes before he built one that could fly over the English Channel.

And DS also really was into The Great Horseless Carriage Race book for a while - we read it multiple times. There, the cars kept breaking down, they had to fix a few times during the race in the bitter cold. None of the carriages were perfect coming into the race, but the top two drivers did not give up but just tried to figure out how to fix to continue.

Perfectionistic tendencies may be a sign of developing a fixed mindset rather than a growth mindset. One aspect or application is that gifted kids may stop taking appropriate risks in order to always be "right" or always be "smart" or never be "wrong", and this may work against them. The concept is nicely summarized in these youtube videos:
Ashley Merryman & Po Bronson: The Myth of Praise (link- )
Teaching a Growth Mindset (link- )

Parents may wish to read the book Mindset by Carol Dweck for tips on promoting a growth mindset.

Parents may also wish to read up on perfectionism. A book which seems to understand perfectionism very well and which many find supportive is What To Do When Good Enough Isn't Good Enough. Another book you might like is Perfectionism: What's Bad About Being Too Good. While insightful, these are written gently for kids, in a style that is fun and engaging. With any of these books it may be wise for a parent to pre-read and decide if it seems to be a helpful tool to use in guiding their child.

Your son had a very different dance class than my DD did. Though I'd have only labeled one girl as a behavioral problem, none of the kids were paying particular attention to the instructors except mine. That had always been one of the traits that marked her as exceptional early.


I took up the guitar after my DD did, but that has worked out less well than I'd hoped. On one hand, DD gets to see me mess up, keep trying, and exhibit a growth mindset. But... DD exhibited task-avoidant perfectionism when she took it up. And I didn't take it up strictly to help DD with her perfectionism; it was a genuine interest of my own, and being able to share it with her was a bonus. So, given that I was genuinely interested, approaching it with a growth mindset, and coming at it with a far greater grasp of musical theory, it should come as no surprise that my results have been superior to hers.

The takeaway I'd hoped she'd get from that is how the growth mindset pays off. I've backed that message verbally, as well. But it's obvious that I'm still competing with her notion that, "Dad is good at this, I am not." So that's a lesson learned. It probably would have worked out better from a perfectionism standpoint if it had been something I'd have been less interested in, and been more willing to allow her to be the teacher.

Still, progress is being made on her perfectionism, and since I'm coming at that with a growth mindset as well, it's all good.

And here's where I confess to being an underhanded manipulator. DD and DW are currently out of state visiting family, and DD took her guitar. At this point she's VERY fluid on individual notes on the bottom three strings, because that's her comfort zone, and her perfectionism stops her from pushing past that. The night before she left she gave chords another whirl, went through the usual process of saying she hated them and couldn't play them, but this session ended with two chords that sounded good. I told DW about the minor breakthrough, and suggested to her that someone could encourage DD to work on those two chords for the better part of the two weeks before I meet them on their vacation, so DD can surprise me with her sudden progress.

On the other side, is to wonder if a certain amount of perfectionism isn't highly significant for some gifted people. If your main mode of learning is to learn things almost permanently, then your quality control needs to be cranked pretty high.

Maybe the alternate isn't a growth mindset or accepting mistakes, but learning how to free think in a safe sandbox part of the mind before something becomes permanent. Following that line, then free and imaginitive play and plenty of complex fiction may be the best approach to strengthen that "world conjuring" suspension of belief part of the brain.

Dude - I hope the surprise is a great one!

I practice mostly out of earshot of Aiden, sometimes together. I do practice more and more intensely than he does. And he knows it. When we are on the same piece and I get to move on he gets upset, we havve another discussion about that growth idea. When I am too busy to practice he sees it working the other way too. For now, we have a great balance with this.

Nope. No surprise. Boo.

We did do a fun follow-the-leader type exchange, though, where we took turns making up a little something, and had the other learn to play it.