Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Recommended Resources suicide resources aimed at younger kids

Actually, not that young - rather, just younger than "typical" suicide ages if that makes sense. My kids are incoming 6th graders and while intelligent, they are also somewhat more "innocent" than typical 11 year-olds and it is difficult for them to understand why a former schoolmate who was just a year older committed suicide. Heck, it's difficult for me to understand as well. I am used to occurrences of suicide at the high school ages but middle school???

Ouch. I'd be surprised if there's much in the way of specific resources that will make sense that young, though maybe someone knows some. Many children (ok, including me) think about suicide that young, but surely doing it is rare. I would talk about it in general terms, talk about how to get help if things feel hopeless, mention that brains can get into a state where things look much more hopeless than they are, depression as chemical imbalance etc. But avoid "while the balance of the mind was disturbed" stuff because that's really scary - makes one wonder if one's own brain could suddenly trick one into suicide. Might say that people do talk about it that way because it can make them feel better about it than if they think the person had a real choice.

Given that there's depression in my family - and, more, because he was important to me - I've made a point of mentioning to DS my friend who killed himself, to make sure the topic is on the table and he knows I wouldn't be shocked at the very idea. This may be c your chance to let them believe they could talk to you if they ever felt that way.

There are a number of agencies and nonprofits with resources on suicide and coping with suicide. A number of links are on this page:

http://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/suicideprevention.aspx

This page in particular has a list of tips on speaking to younger children, including some books:

http://www.save.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=EB8CDAFC-7E90-9BD4-CDB77DB42FD5C2CE

There are lots of resources on mental illness, including depression, aimed at teens, but probably still useful for high-functioning pre-teens, with much accessible technical info (if that isn't an oxymoron!) at

www.copecaredeal.org

including downloadable first-person accounts of living with depression, suicidality, anxiety, eating disorders, schizophrenia, etc.

This is a brief cut sheet of tips for helping suicidal peers (originally developed after 9/11, but obviously of general use):

http://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/savefriend_general.aspx

Never be afraid of talking about suicide with children (at their level). It does not "put ideas in their heads," unless those ideas were already there. One does have to be careful about glorifying the victims of suicide, as that is believed to be the main impetus behind the contagion effect. CollinsMum is right; this can be a very good opportunity to communicate to your pre-teens that you will listen without judging to whatever they have to say about their experience.

Don't have a lot of resources but I have been through this sort-of.

When my son was in 7th grade he knew a kid who committed suicide. The kid was one of a group of 9th graders he was playing Minecraft with online. Turned out this teen lived only around the corner but we didn't know that till after he died. The kids in this group all made a memorial for him in their Minecraft world and talked quite a bit about it online to each other. I tried talking about it but he didn't really seems to have much to say at the time. But it was a time my son was already seeing a psychologist so it probably was something they discussed.

Thanks - that's very sensible advice. Interestingly, DS & DD already had a run-in last year with another kid who made comments that implied suicidal thoughts. Although she appeared to be a drama queen looking for attention based on numerous past behaviors, I still told her teacher to follow up. It turned out to be nothing alarming but better safe than sorry.

You are right that suicidal thoughts are not so uncommon but suicidal attempts are rare and an actual suicide even more so.

Thanks for all the links. You are right that it is a good opportunity to have a discussion. I was too caught off guard last week as it came out of the blue. I have to say that I was rather shocked and very sad when DD told me. She is also at an age where she doesn't want to share everything with me, but she actually tells me a lot more than most kids of what is going on with her classmates.

That must have been disturbing for your DS. I know that even as an adult, I was upset when one of my co-workers committed suicide. I knew that she was unhappy so there was also the question of whether I could have reached out more to help her. In this case, DS commented that this kid actually behaved like a close friend of his (joking, light-hearted, gregarious) and didn't seem the type at all.

Even though it's summer, your school likely has a crisis councilor available that can provide resources.

Yes, that is true. However, my kids just graduated elementary school and this kid graduated a year ago. I also don't know whether either of his schools know or how many kids got the news. My DD has a lot of friends and is active on social media so tends to get lots of information.

My child and I just listened to a radio broadcast which highlighted the story of a man who attempted suicide by jumping off a bridge around age 19 years and survived and his attempt took place about 14 years ago.

I don't know if he wrote a book, but we thought we heard a related story about whether nets under bridges can reduce the success rate of suicidal jumpers.

My oldest sister locked herself in the bathroom once with a razor during high school. She had a difficult time expressing herself verbally. I think her feelings came out more through her music. Some gifted kids are non-verbal and they have a hard time finding ways to express their pain. Eminem's latest song ( a collaboration with Rihanna) mentions the pain his brain feels from what he calls his OCD.

The man in the radio interview said that he was waiting for someone to notice and stop his jump and he had regret the minute he started to free fall.

He made a point that is important to know -- suicidal deaths can be slow and painful. He stated that he found websites misleading people that suicide is quick and painless. He lectures to young people now not to believe that message. He was in a lot of pain. Nothing about it was easy, quick or painless.