Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments quick preschool decision needed

Ok this post got away from me, so it's quite long! Hope it helps!...

We made a mid year switch from a play-based preschool to a Montessori school for my 3 year old DS just a few months ago. I know many here & on other gifted boards who say they've had luck with this type of play-based program, & we did too from about 11 months (when he started) until about 3 years. It was a wonderful program, with loving, caring teachers whom I adore. To their credit, the teachers told us that it was no longer a good fit, despite DS's wonderful behavior. (Seriously, they all loved him!) By 3, DS was reading fairly well & was counting by 2s, 5s, & 10s. These were not interests the other children could relate to. The teachers did their best - bringing in more complex puzzles, having him read checklists out loud, letting him help make bulletin boards, etc. - but it just wasn't enough. Apparently a typical morning might begin like this - He'd start a puzzle, & another child would take a piece & run away. By the time he'd tracked the piece down, another kid would have come over & messed up what he'd already done. Perfectly understandable 2-3 year old behavior, but frustrating for DS.

So when a spot at the local Montessori school opened up, DS's teachers urged us to take it. I was hesitant b/c of the horror stories I'd read online. It sounded like our only options would be play-based or homeschool. When we visited the new school, I was upfront about his giftedness, providing specific examples, & I did my homework on the Montessori method to make sure I knew what to look for in that regard too. We also talked with his teacher-to-be, because IME that's probably the most important factor for success.

It has been 4 months (actually school just let out for the summer). Everything is going so well I can hardly believe it. DS has grown in so many ways over the last few months, and I attribute much of this growth to his amazing teachers.

Even though I had been up front about his abilities, I could tell they were somewhat skeptical. The lead guide heard him reading the first day, and immediately started introducing him to some higher level works. Within a month, DS was doing reading/math works generally only used by Kindergarten level students & the lead teacher was talking to us about formulating a plan to introduce 1st grade level works in the fall. They've also worked extensively on providing opportunities for social growth. For example, when he was first introduced to the 100 board, DS could only do the work WITH a 5 or 6 year old. Meaning that he had to approach another student and politely ask if they would do the work with him. Not a method they would have used for all kids, but perfect for DS because he was highly motivated to do the work & quickly learned how to politely/effectively approach other students with a little trial and error.

As far as Montessori goes, I'm not sure if you know that ANY school can call themselves Montessori. This doesn't mean that they are actually Montessori in practice! The things I would check on are:

- Uninterrupted 3 hour work period in the mornings. If they try to put in morning classes for art, Spanish, music ,anything then they are interrupting this important aspect of Montessori.
- Mixed age classes
- Montessori schools "follow the child" - meaning they introduce new works when it is clear the child is ready, rather than by age. Ask if they've ever had a child working 2 or 3 grade levels ahead. How have they handled that? Have they ever brought in works from the next class (meaning bringing works to the 3-6 classroom from the 7-9 room)?

Good luck with your decision! I know it can be tough! I lost a lot of sleep when we were going through this, so I feel for you.

Hi Puffin, yes we don't have to send her, originaly she was goiung because I was exhausted from caring for baby and she was bored waiting for him to be fed, put down etc.

After telling DH that she was getting nothing out of going and was actually going backwards he didn't argue with me when I said I was withdrawing her at end of term and may not enrol her anywhere (I wouldn't say he agreed so much as he trusts my judgement and decided not to press the issue)we'll take it a term at a time, he doesn't really want to be reminded about it too much though. I spoke to Montessori who have agreed to keep her spot for 2 weeks. I guess the thought of a full fee paying child was too good to miss.


I went to her kindy on Monday and spoke to the head teacher about the bully issue only to be told there was no issue, so I just pulled her out on the spot. (man did I feel nervous after that!)
So the plan now is 2 weeks off, complete the testing, but also take some advice from the Ed Psych about best learning environment and either enrol her for next term or keep her at home. I agree that I can teach her better - to be honest I WANT to teach her, but I am concerned about her going to school and having trouble settling in - although I think this is more from a societal expectation than any real concern about her social skills. I do suspect she would get enjoyment from some time in a suitable environment.

DH is fine so long as I show she is having fun and making friends as of course she doesn't really need to learn anything before new entrants that she doesn't already know. I do worry about teaching her too much and her having trouble or needing grade skipping but I guess that's a stress for another time!

So now it's up to DD to see how she feels in a few weeks and we'll go from there, I've told her shes a square peg and her current kindy is a round hole, which of course has led to some very funny conversations about finding a triangle kindy etc...

Thanks all for your support - breathing space is what we needed and we have that now.

I really don't see that going to Montessori or any other preschool is going to help with the fact that she is probably not going to fit into any normal school. When ds7 started school the maths assessment was did they know numbers before and after and could they make a set UP TO 5, with ds5 it has been increased to 10. Numerous children who come from comfortable homes (physically, emotionally and economically) and have attended preschool or kindy can only name 3 to 5 letters when they go to school. Honestly stop worrying about preschool and start looking at schools. There are no Montessori primaries where I am but do you have them - it may be worth a look.

For gifted kids my understanding was that part of the appeal of Montessori would be the mixed age classrooms. If a school had, say, a 3-6 yr old room a gifted 3 year old could run around with 3 year olds and talk with 5 and 6 year olds. However since the term Montessori is in the public domain anyone can hang a shingle and call themselves a Montessori school. I have looked at 3 in our area and they were (in order of my viewing) squalid, execrable, and good. So there is quite a bit of variety.

I think at this point the main concern for kindy is that she meet some kids, and has a little challenge while there. She's friendly, not at all shy and once kids get used to her she is well liked, but in a big group where she is quite different I think it's too hard for her, she's best one on one, or where the mums have fostered the friendship. This is my concern going into school, I don't want her missing out on learning those social cues, if she likes the look of the Montessori we'll prob go with that because of the mixed ages and they only have 20 kids there.

As for school, we are very lucky to be zoned in our cities best area for gifted public schools, we can choose from a very small low economic school that allows kids to go to one day school (gifted program) or a bigger higher socio economic school that brings in extra teachers/support staff to teach kids at different levels, so the kids accelerate within the class without having to grade skip. They also allow one day school if needed to. We can also bus to the private child led learning school although its a 40 minute drive away. So not stressed about primary school yet, just making sure we take the right steps to have a good start.

Incidentally, just got home from session 1 of testing, EP has said she is doing great so that's nice!

Just thought I'd update. We are halfway through testing and EP is positive, although I think I'll wait till the ink dries before drawing any conclusions. DD got accepted to small poppies on her merit so that is awesome, we have decided to take it a term at a time but basically do the half day small poppies, music and sport for now. I will "homeschool" her as she wishes. I have a basic nature based/ story curriculum which is low key and can be scaffolded up if needed, lots of craft and baking etc. feeling very positive! I know she doesn't need homeschooling yet but she is desperate to learn....