Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Does acceleration solve the problem?

My experience is that there is no perfect solution, when taking the whole child into account. Academically, multiple accelerations will probably be necessary (whether overt or by instructional modifications only), as the rate of learning is not going to suddenly slow down after a grade skip. Socially, finding a community of approximate age peers who have a connection not centered on academics or the traditional school experience helps (e.g., a particular extracurricular/artistic/athletic interest, a cultural or faith-based community). And beginning to understand that friendships do not have to be all-encompassing. By which I mean that one may have certain friends who belong to specific aspects of one's life, and others who belong to another. And no one person has to (or, indeed, ought to) meet all your relational needs. There is also a great deal of value in developing relationships across a wider age range, both younger and older.

While that sounds great-- and works pretty well in the elementary and even early adolescent years for some kids...

eventually, it seems, the fact that some HG+ kids have equally advanced social needs does mean a dramatic kind of loneliness.

We're at that point now, with our DD14. She now has the metacognitive development that allows her to see quite clearly that from an interpersonal standpoint, she is a much better friend than she's ever HAD herself.

It's depressing, that realization. She lacks friends who can successfully cope with the idea that at 14, she is the top dog academically in almost every setting she's ever found herself in. Other pretty bright kids tie their egos to being "smart" and believe me, she makes them stop to do some self-examination whether she wants to or not, unless she hides some of her ability and minimizes her range and accomplishments substantively.

Which she does.

BUT-- that means that when those "friends" are sharing freely with her... she has to self-edit everything quite carefully for their consumption. It's work. Hard work.

Mostly, it's hard work that doesn't have much of a payoff for her, other than altruistically.

Luckily for us, DD seems to be highly altruistic, so she generally regards such arrangements as "fine" but she is so very, very lonely.

Yes. It can be extremely difficult.

I was very blessed to have equally-and-then-some gifted siblings and cousins, with whom one did not have to hide anything, but I think something related to what she is going through is actually why I ended up in my present field (psych). Lots of early practice...

Very good point...

Some of the problems encountered with acceleration in a B&M school are not problems when vitual/home schooling. A kid can move at their own pace, and skip any unnecessary repetition and practise, while avoiding jumps and gaps. The level and pace of learning has no effect on social situation. The room, computer, table and chair are the same. Same house. Same loving family. Just faster learning.

One problem that remains with a (virtually) pre-boxed curriculum is that it's still designed for average students, so you do need to find ways to add depth and challenge.

Same social problems, though-- lack of agemates who can relate, and a lack of academic peers who want to.



Ageism is a nasty thing to have to face every step of your development. You wind up with your nose pressed against the glass, and time and time again feeling disappointed when the time-lock expires and you're finally allowed "in" there where you've so wanted to go.

It might be appropriate at some point along the trajectory, but generally far, far sooner than you're "allowed" to access it. And some things reach an expiration date before the HG+ child is permitted to try them/access them at all.

It's the roughest part of asynchronous development, and what I've noticed is that being BEHIND agemates is far more acceptable (Bronies? REALLY??) than being ahead of them.

Sorry to get back to this late (I'm on Europe time this week).

Yes, that's the trade off. And while parents can do things to mitigate this issues, it is a real issue. It's that whole least worst thing again. What's better for your child? In fact, it's a terrible catch-22 in some ways. And it used to make me angry that there isn't some kind of middle way. Yet with kids who are statistically so rare, it's hard to imagine what that would look like. DD couldn't stand having anything in her room touched as a toddler. Talk about resistance to change. But changing to get out of a miserable situation is a useful ability to have.

I had a school counselor advise me strongly against changing schools, ever, because each change could cause massive emotional trauma. Fortunately, DH was a military brat and could advise me that this isn't always the case. For us moving schools to support academic acceleration was better (we think, it's so hard to see those alternate universes) but that doesn't mean it was easy or all smooth sailing.

I'm crying along with you. It's hard when they are ready and can't participate just because of age. It's also hard when they are half ready because of some missing skill (like the ability to understand the higher level stuff, but not handle the massive workload).

DD got invited into a class next year -- by the teacher -- but can't really participate (it's an academic competition type thing and there are hard age limits for that). She's really interested. So do I help her wheedle her way into the class, knowing that she won't get the thrill of competing and will feel left out, but will learn the skills? Or does she wait?

Social isolation isn't as much of an issue for her right now (yay!) but academic isolation is.

Update. The current first grade teacher said that she feels strongly that he should skip second grade math and go to third grade because
1. second grade math would be way too easy
2. DS would probably refuse to do it.
3. It would be too difficult for the teacher to continue teaching him one-on-one (it has not been easy for her)
4. He needs to keep learning and he will start losing skills and ground if he is taught at the wrong level.

The principal said that she would contact someone with the district and I laughed because we had already tried to talk to this woman with the district several months ago. So the last teacher DS had said that no accelerated work would be necessary (therefore the district sided with the teacher and did nothing) and this one is saying that it would be disastrous to not accelerate. I didn't ask about pre-testing or anything like that yet, we'll see what happens next. Should be interesting to see them try to sort this out when there are so many different opinions.

DS's reading score was about the same as math on achievement testing but teacher does not think he should be grade accelerated for reading because his writing isn't the greatest. Not sure what I think about that. For both math and reading he is scoring the way an average student would at the end of fourth grade, so three grade levels ahead.

Assuming she's just talking about the physical function of hand-writing, don't let that be a barrier. When our son was in 4th/5th (the year he skipped), his hand-writing looked like that of an 8yo because, well, he was eight! But the content was clearly appropriate for the new grade and beyond.

The compromise was that he was allowed to type any of his homework assignments and that helped a bunch. He was easily frustrated by his inability to write as fast as his mind was working, and the pencil tip became an incredible bottleneck to the writing process. Once he began typing, he could better focus on his ideas and quit worrying about proper letter formation, etc. His handwriting improved as he got older and was no longer an issue.