Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Affluenza Concerns

Some people who own a XYZ aren't rich. They're just up their eyeballs in debt.

We just say, yeah, we are pretty rich. Does it matter if you are? Why necessarily argue your way down?
I do however emphasize that while we're lucky/hardworking/talented, that gives us a responsibility to help others, which is why we volunteer and donate money and items.

I tell DS that we're not rich, but we're comfortable. If he enjoys our comfortable lifestyle, he will need to work hard like his parents and get a good job some day.

Work smarter, not harder! Do what you love is what I always tell my kids - work because you love it, not because you're trying to be rich. I can't imagine being 8 and studying hard at school because I'm concerned about my income at 40.
If we'd listened to our parents, DH and I would be an accountant and a pharmacy assistant respectively. And we'd probably we poorer because we'd suck at those jobs! We're both in creative industries. Honestly, pharmacy assistant. The EXACT opposite of everything I'm good at (rolling eyes at oblivious parents)

Don't knock being an accountant. I never loved it but became one and was able to retire at six years ago at 40...

I agree you should not do something you hate but not sure I think kids should be told to do what they love if it is unlikely to pay their bills.

No, not knocking it, but it's not what DH would have liked or been good at. But still don't think I'd tell my kids to do anything other than what they love You can't pay bills struggling in a miserable job you're no good at. My goals for them and us would be to be happy in our work, not to aim to retire by 40. Which does sound nice though! - what are you doing in your retirement?

Our kids have an interesting perspective. As we have many extended family members still living in a third-world country, our kids consider themselves wealthy beyond all measure (we're probably upper-middle-class-ish).

For some families around the dinner table, "Clean your plate, there are starving kids in ..." is often just a trite reminder not to waste food. In our house, we know some of those struggling by name.

I think it's easy to get bogged down in the financial considerations of wealth without taking stock of intangible assets. I'd mention those, too.

As a SAHM, I get to experience all of my son's milestones first-hand. I'm there to shape his character, support him, know him intimately, and enjoy little moments that will never repeat themselves, which would go unnoticed by someone else. That's my treasure, and I have a huge stockpile. Even better, this treasure exhibits increasing marginal utility! (I jest, but almost not quite.)I wouldn't trade the utility DS and I derive from my being at home for many multiples of my opportunity cost, which itself is high. Isn't that a flavour of being rich?

The loss of my income was a significant hit to us financially, but it was a conscious choice and we live comfortably on my husband's professional income. We don't own a car, we don't take vacations, and we live in a small urban loft instead of a large single family home. Instead, we invest heavily in human capital--our own and DS'--and spend a LOT of time together making memories because those are our priorities.

We are human capital and relationship rich. I wouldn't have it any other way but, had DH and I not been high income earners independently, our chosen lifestyle would have been infeasible in our high cost of living city and given our student debts.

We aren't in the 1%, where we'd be if I was in the labour market, but then again I value my son more than a Maserati or a beach house. So am I richer than the 1% because my psychic consumption set expands as compared to my working consumption set, even though I'm well below that percentile financially? I'd say absolutely. Your utility curve might differ.

Portia, I think you have the right idea. We also discuss how different jobs mean you might have to live in different parts of the country. DH and I require at least a medium-sized city for our work. Living in the country requires different career choices.

As for talking the level "down," I'm not sure that's the direction I'd go. After all, each and every one of us are in the 1% -- even the .1% -- when compared with the rest of the globe. An awareness of the differences in how people live and what they have can be very useful. But in the end "rich" isn't a word with much concrete meaning. I'd say we are very fortunate to have what we do and that it's pointless to compare against someone else.

I have a friend who, with her DH, bought a boat and sailed the oceans for 6 months while homeschooling their three kids. To me this sounds inconceivably lavish... but they were anything but rich at the time. It was just a series of choices and tradeoffs they made.

My parents brought me up on "do what you love" and I do enjoy what I do, but honestly, I sometimes wonder whether I might have enjoyed the much better paying career I once seriously considered (was offered a position in, turned it down to do a PhD) as much. And while in early adulthood I didn't care about money at all, now it would be nice to feel we could send DS to any school without worrying about the fees at all. I will be making sure my DS knows about all these feelings when the time is riper!