Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy When Everyone Loves the School, but You??

I agree with MON. I'll add that I think in truly high achieving districts, there are quite a few actual GT kids. Middle kid did not look GT in early elementary. Now in 10th grade, folks know she is smart, but are quite surprised when they see her standardized test scores (we don't advertise them, but travel sports teams "publish" SAT/ACT scores on their websites), when they find out she placed first nationally in a well known exam, etc.

There may be kids like my middle kid. No, she is not PG, but she is a lot brighter than she lets on. There is still very little challenge in school, except perhaps the English/History class where they really focus on each kid's writing (regular meetings with the teachers to review writing and ID areas to work on).

Sure, there are some kids in your GT math that don't belong there. But I sense that a lot of folks who note that they are in high achieving districts but don't see any true GT kids are still in elementary. You may not realize who is GT. Even last year, when my eldest was a HS senior, I didn't recognize a few of the NMFs. The ones who have won national academic awards, who have performed research with professors and have published papers - yeah, I know them. But the kid who said that he likes to fish and play video games in his free time - I never realized how bright that kid is.

In answer to your question, I gave up trying. There's no point, and others just get angry at me. Though finding other gifties can help with stress.


QFT. This. So much.

There are a few other parents that get it...

some code phrases that I've found useful in identifying them:

a) "We've found that the flexibility is... not unlimited..."

b) "Sometimes {DD} wishes that the level were more.. rigorous..."

c) "We've had problems with perfectionism and procrastination-- have you noticed that?"

d) "It's not always easy to keep {DD} motivated. What do you find works?"

e) "We've not been too thrilled with {some aspect of curriculum}-- maybe it's just us."

I like our neighborhood elementary school, even though neither of my kids learn much of anything there, academically. I think I gave up pretty quickly on the idea that we can rely on schools for our children's education, and I know enough parents who completely agree.

But the school is wonderful in many other ways: dedicated and involved parents who are really very nice and very wise; well behaved and educated kids who take school seriously; lots of cultural and community activities; lots of can-do spirit (many enrichment programs are built and run by parents including academic teams that compete at the national level); a genuine sense of community... The level of classroom instruction is actually quite disappointing to a large number of families, not just limited to the few super smart ones. The reasons include large class size (due to funding shortage), rigid curriculum (district dictated) and of course the fact that most teachers don't really *get* the vast spectrum of abilities.

I enjoy talking with a lot of parents about education in general, educational approaches, other activities... I just don't go into how the academics at school doesn't work for my kids.

Middle school is a different story--the academics still doesn't work and there isn't a feeling of community...

I think the reputation of a "good school" or "good district" doesn't necessarily correlate with strong classroom instructions. It could be due to dedicated families who make sure that their kids develop strong academic skills regardless of what happens in the classroom.

We send our boys to the local PS because they have fun there with their friends.

Maybe our neighborhood is full of malcontents, but there are people complaining that the kids are pushed to hard, people who complain that there isn't enough creativity in the curriculum, people who complain about too much testing, basically most people are complaining about something and we are among the top 3 schools in our very large district.

I've found that there is a large proportion of parents who smile and nod sympathetically with all 3 groups. I've tried to emulate them. I also think HK is right, if you make subtle statements about things you think might be missing, you will find kindred spirits.

My DH and I feel that this PS is good enough that it's worth saving the 20K it would cost us to get into a rigorous private school We are still in elementary and will re-evaluate when we hit MS.

Personally, I'd be happy to homeschool but the kids love their friends. Being an introvert myself, I'm not sure I'd come up with enough social opportunities for them. As it is we do a lot of science experiments after school, and my older DS is a voracious reader. Younger DS loves to play board games.

We make the best of it.

It doesn't matter which school is "the best", just which school is best for your child.

The local public across the street from us is very highly rated. Everyone loves, loves, loves it. People buy houses in our neighborhood just so their kids can attend this school. It was a terrible, terrible fit for DS10. Terrible. He now attends a charter school that is amazing for him. I sometimes hear of other's dissatisfaction with the charter school, but it works for our family.

As we are pulling ds7 out of public school to attend a hg private next year, this issue hits close to home.

I tell people, "school is great:... Just not working for my son." I honestly think the school is good, but not for ds7 and probably not for ds3.5. (Its good for high achieving and mg kids.)

I really wanted public school to work, but my ds is miserable. Maybe people talk behind my back, but i have to do what is right for my boys.

You are highly analytical and, so, your brain automatically finds every problem naturally - a great skill in countless ways.

One trick, if you know you are staying in that school for all of your own private family reasons, then remove yourself as much as possible from the school environment (It is self-isolating, but for a good reason.), so that you do not 'pick up' every shortcoming. There probably is not one perfect place, unless you start your own school, have your own funding, get every teacher that you want who happen to all be Ph.D.s....

When you need to be heard, go ahead and be heard at your school because it will help the whole student body.

If you are always the 'odd person out,' the best think you might do is recognize your great qualities and don't worry about fitting in (my opinion). Pursue your passions, interests, etc. Everything sort of is the way it is for a reason. If you are a high sensitivity person, every rude act that you encounter, might bug you. Give yourself a break. Think longer term, bigger picture. And, then ( it sounds like a contradiction) take it a day at a time, so that you can stay in the moment.

If you are truly unsatisfied with your child's education, then you can evaluate every other possible option. Do a pros and cons matrix. Always know why the choice you have made has been made and don't second guess yourself. When the time comes around re-evaluate and trust yourself.

If your state has a gifted plan, use it once a year to address whatever your biggest concern is that year.

I would also try to plug into why other parents are so satisfied. It might be possible that they are not really monitoring the curriculum in the same way.

You are doing the right thing by being on top of it, thinking about it and weighing it seriously.

Read as much as you can about people in the field your child might go into and see how they handled their career path, especially if it is obvious now that they must have been a very gifted child way back then. That way you might be able to leverage from other persons' autobiographical info. Good Luck!

Sometimes a "good school" is one where almost all students are "proficient" (i.e. meet some mediocre minimum level on academic tests). This just means that one way or another, they have managed to keep out academically weaker students.

I love these. Great suggestions!

Thanks for these suggestions. All good tips. I appreciate it.