Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy SEX Education this week! Age 10

I'm of the school of thought that they should learn it gradually through age-appropriate conversations, so there is no big and icky shock ever. I answer every question DD6 asks, but don't go any further than she seems to want to know. Since she's an inquisitive child, we've gotten pretty far.

At any rate, there is no reason to believe that knowing this stuff early is harmful. Bear in mind that kids used to learn about the facts of life by seeing the animals out in the barnyard.

6th/7th grade is the norm for the subject here.. and I don't think it's too early at all - personally I think it would have been ok for the school to have talked about it in 5th grade, because well over half the girls in my dd's 6th grade class have been through puberty already. So from the school's standpoint, I think it's very understandable why 6th grade is an appropriate grade level to address the subject.

I also have always felt that I wanted to be the person who talked to my kids about sex first, rather than having them learn about it from someone else. My parents didn't bother talking to me about it until I'd learned pretty much everything at a slumber party in 5th grade. That was fine for me, but I didn't want my kids to think that I didn't care enough to talk to them about it, and I wanted to have a good open relationship where we *did* talk about it so that when they were older teens, if they were struggling with questions about what to do/peer pressure/whatever surrounding sex, we would have already had the groundwork established that let them know they could talk to me about it comfortably.

And then when my youngest dd was, maybe 3?... her older sister, who was maybe 5?... asked what a vagina was at the dinner table... and younger dd answered! She knew because another child at preschool had told her. So I had a bit of a jump-start with talking to my kids lol!

I only bring that up because, my honest advice on this one is - once it's talked about in school, it's going to be talked about on the playground. If you hold your ds out of class while the class is talking about it, he's going to potentially want to know what he missed, or other kids are going to potentially tell him what he missed. I think at 10 years old, you're wise to talk to your ds yourself, where you can also talk about values, and then let him participate in the talks at school.

The other thing I'd consider - whether or not the class was having a Sex Ed class given at school tomorrow, at 11-12 years old (which I'm guessing most of his classmates are?), there are going to be kids talking about sex. Even if there weren't the Sex Ed class tomorrow, it's most likely a good time to talk to your ds about it anyway.

Best wishes,

polarbear

This conversation is like the one about adoption-- or disability-- it's easier if it's just a gradual familiarization with taken-for-granted facts, rather than a Big Reveal.

At 5th grade this is not likely to be a full in depth sex ed class but rather a what is happening with the changes in my body. Talking about puberty and the changes in their bodies, and perhaps why this changes occur. Do they sex segregate the kids? In my schools this was done at a party with a same sex parent or adult. In 4th grade for the girls, and 5th grade for the boys. Honestly it was fairly lame IMO.

In my area the kids then get sex ed again in 7th grade science, and they have to take 6 months of health in H.S. that includes talk about STD's, birth control. IMO this is the right way to approach it. Sex ed is not one conversation, as the above poster said it's not and it's best if the information is gradual. Honestly the schools introduction is likely to be fairly tame and can be a good jumping point for conversations with you.

Sounds like you need to find out what is covered in this "sex ed" class. Personally I wouldn't keep my kid away from this class. This is important information that the kids need to know. You want to know they are getting this information from a reliable location and not the kids in the playground or at a slumber party.

We had this last year when DS (then 10) was in 5th grade. Ever since, when I suggest he might not need to see/know something, he says "I've seen THE VIDEO!"

This was not the high-powered version, though, but rather a lesson in bodily changes and an introduction to the opposite sex's parts and what they are all about. (I didn't actually see THE VIDEO myself.)

When I was a kid, I got everything I knew from "Are You There, God, It's Me, Margaret" until 8th grade when we got THE VIDEO which was only about the girl stuff. It was about two weeks later when it became relevant for me.

This is exactly what I plan to do/have begun to do for DS2.5. DS will sometimes wax on about, "When I was in your uterus," so I think it's the right approach for us.

DD11 started asking questions really young, so I've had some practice answering stuff on the fly. When I realized recently that a) her and her friends were maturing rapidly and b) she was getting more and more exposed to older children in her classes (she's starting high school level classes next year), I figured we'd better get a little more organized. We got a book called _It's Perfectly Normal_. It covers ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING and may have topics that some families aren't comfortable with. We passed it along to her and she did a masterful job of self-censoring (by skimming the sections she wasn't comfortable with). She also asked me some questions that indicated she'd had some misapprehensions that I was happy to help her correct.

I just came back from library. I'll read a book with him tonight, and make him comfortable to ask me anything he wants to.

I have the 6 handouts, that the class will cover tomorrow and thursday. I'm glad the teacher sent them to me.

"It's So Amazing" and "It's Perfectly Normal" are written by the same author (the second one is geared slightly older). There is also a third book aimed at younger kids called "It's Not The Stork"

I should also add that while DS wasn't awkward, at first it did take everything I had to not be completely awkward myself (not sure if I succeeded the first time but I think I am getting better) Good luck!

I teach 4-6th graders a class on sex education called "Our Whole Lives". We use the book "It's Perfectly Normal" with the idea that the parents will read it too so they can talk with their kids and answer any questions. I've found quite a spectrum in terms of how kids react, from "oh gross" to "so that's what it looks like" but all kids seem to appreciate hearing the facts from a trusted parent or teacher. These days, with puberty starting so early especially for girls, I think it's a good idea to cover the basics around 10. You can then go back and spend more time on some details as you DC grows and/or shows interest.