Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy SEX Education this week! Age 10

We never had sex education at school or at home - my first period at 11or 12 was a complete surprise (my parents did better with the younger kids though). I plan that they will know it all before any school thing.

I think getting the book I advance was the right move.

Oops, sorry... that was us

DW's mom was a nurse midwife for ~20 years. Young kids ask about this stuff... there are good books for that age group. You present it factually and then they just move on... sort of like farm kids in the old days. Without the hormonal overlay, it is so much easier to present it factually at a younger age. You keep it very vague unless they really push you, but you do give an honest account. It isn't icky or sexually loaded... it's just another curious fact kids have learned.

Then when you present it in adolescence you can focus on the moral/practical issues with out all the tittering and guilt about the mechanics.

PS. DW's mom is also a strident evangelical... so this isn't a religious issue per se. The moral issues above could change that equation but you don't have to equate sex ed and family planning(though you probably should).

Not mine. At age 3 she constantly questioned and re-questioned me on select topics that had caught her imagination. I think she was trying to pull something new out of me. She only moved on when I kept saying things she'd already heard before.

I didn't mean to sound judgmental in my earlier post. If any thing it is easier to introduce these topics at a younger age.

For instance we have spent a hour or so each year in the miracle of life tent at the fair, http://www.mnstatefair.org/entertainment/ag_exhibits/chs_mob.html. Watching sheep give birth is fascinating and naturally brings up these topics in a neutral way.

Last night DS5 and DS7 were discussing animals who get married and don't. We talked about our just spayed cat and how she would have had kittens without a long term partner. No mention of parts... but a reasonable discussion of different norms in the human and animal world and the benefits of marriage(and celibacy before hand if you want to go there). We have similar discussion about gender differences. Typical marriage patterns, which were somewhat more nuanced since we have numerous married same sex friends, including our former ministers. Discussion about parts and mechanics have been rare and short... though forthright.

School sex ed should either be a boring review of matters already discussed by your family... or a warning that these issues are emerging among your kid's friends and should be addresses forthwith according to your family's values. A head in the sand approach is just asking for trouble.

I also recommend the "It's Perfectly Normal". Sometime when my son was in 5th grade I took the book out of my daughters room and place it in my son's. With my daughter I read parts of it with her. But with my son I turn around and he is suddenly spending a lot of time in his room reading it. Didn't take him long to read it cover to cover. He had a few questions.. but he found it VERY interesting.

Sure... that is typical of a 3-5yo right. You repeat what you have said before. When two people really love one another etc etc... penis...vagina... special place in mama's tummy or uterus, etc etc... find a kids books pitched at this level. I'll edit this with the one we used later. After this most kids are satisfied. Young kids are great at detecting where you are trying to avoid their questions and pushing for more.

If your kid demands more details it doesn't mean they are hypersxualiazed just that they are curious... move on to animal analogies... whatever... it is so much easier to have a frank discussion at a young age than later.

I really liked _It's Perfectly Normal_ and its approach. I love the inclusive imagery, the drawing style, and the focus on responsibility and self-respect without moralizing. Of course YMMV.

Can I say how impressed I am with all of you. I am sitting here with my fingers in my ears saying "nanananananana". I SO don't want to have to deal with this. {big sigh}...

DD9 has never asked any questions. She is very interested in frogs and understands their life cycle, sees the eggs filling the pond at the local park, etc but has never asked anything.

Who was the Peanuts character that used to scream and run out of the room when topics she didn't like we're discussed? That's what I envision doing.

Luckily I recently made a new friend who is a sex Ed teacher. She has offered to have me send DD to her when she is ready. Since I am happy to pretend that my own mother found an egg in the woods and sat on it until I hatched it may not be a bad idea....

here in South Africa sex ed starts really early, although there is still a drive to implement a formalised program for teaching it as it is not taught in all schools.

But then again we have a rather scarily high level of early sexually active kids (in 2009 it was reported that we had at least 109 grade 3 girls pregnant) and way too much abuse / rape in our country - esp at the grass roots level.

Our age of consent for sex is 16, but - children aged 12 and older do not need a parent's consent to obtain birth control or an abortion.

There is a huge drive to have as part of the national curriculum within the life skills portion of learning lessons on HIV/AIDS and sex and sexuality education - starting from the age of 7/8.

So this is my round about way of saying that even though my boys are not in school, we speak about it openly from when they ask questions. Aiden asked every time I was pregnant (he was less than 2 years and then again when he was 3, nearly 4 years of age).

Last year when he was 6 I got the book "It's not the stork". I read it first and it helped me figure out how to say what to him. Then we read the book together and he asked questions.

He was more worried about the Genetics than the sex bit and it sparked an entire 12 week genetics self-study period. lol

Now he speaks about it factually and occasionally asks questions that let me know he is thinking about it a lot more often than I thought he would. He has also corrected some of Nathan's thinking (Nathan is 5) and misconceptions.

I am all in favour of it being a normal, gradual learning process as they ask questions and then ensuring they know about their bodily changes and the opposite sex before 8th grade. And then to include information on your rights and responsibilities in relation to that.

Not when the kids are starting to have sex or experiment sexually from ages of 10 already. The international average age is still set at 15 years (last time I checked), but it's decreasing.

If my kids were at school I would not wait till they heard about it from a teacher or a classmate in the playground.