Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School Trying to decide how to answer DS7's ? re: his IQ

My DD7 didn't know she was taking an IQ test when she took one. I took her and explained that she would talk with a lady who would give her puzzles and questions to try to understand how she thinks and that it would be fun.

We told our DD that the lady had told us that she could learn anything she wanted to and that she learned faster than most other people. That was it.

When my DS6 was tested, the neuro-psych coached us to tell him that we were doing some things to find out best how he learned. DS never asked about the results.

When my DD10 was recently tested, again we were coached by the neuro-psych to tell her that we were going to learn about how she learns -- is she a visual learner, auditory, etc. We never mentioned it was an IQ test. The person who tested her then met with her for a half hour and told her that she did very well. She talked through each area of the test and just re-iterated very positive things. The one area of weakness that came up she talked about this as well and framed it in a way to help my daughter understand it but still feel really good about herself. DD left the appointment beaming and feeling good about herself.

I really don't think DD10 or DD8 know that part of their testing was an IQ test. I doubt they even know what IQ is all about. DD10 went into testing to rule out what school was suggesting the problem was - that she was ODD, ADD/ADHD, etc. We told her we were doing it to get a better idea of what was going on at school and to try to help her in any way we could to make things better. DD8 was tested to look into possible dysgraphia/dyslexia and just to be fair to her since her older sister was tested and qualified for gifted. We told her going into testing that we wanted to see if there was anything we were missing that might help us to help her. We added that if she qualified, and wanted to, she might get to do some of the things her sister was doing at school with the gifted teacher. We explained that it was testing and they should try their best, but it wouldn't be like school testing - they would answer some questions and get to do some puzzles and maybe some riddles. It would be interesting and sort of fun.

We have not told, and at this point don't plan to tell our girls their "number". I agree with what others have said - 1. it is just a number from one day in their life 2. at this point they really don't need to know 3. we don't want it to affect them in any way (we have enough issues already)

They know they are different and they learn in a different way. They also know they are 2 out of one handful of students in their entire school that qualify for the gifted program, so they have some idea what it is all about.

Later down the road, when they are much older and better equipped to really understand, we might sit them down individually and explain it all to them.

I don't think there's much value in telling a child their score. The whole thing is a lot more complicated than a single number, and yet it's easy to get that number into your head and obsess about it, or assign to it more meaning that it really has. DD is aware that she took a test and scored high enough for the gifted program, which she cares about mainly because some of her friends from last year were sent to it this year and she wasn't.

FWIW my personal experience is that I was given an IQ test when I was in 1st grade and sent to my school district's gifted program, too, but I didn't find out my score until I was out of high school and for some reason had needed a copy of my school records, and it was recorded in there. But, while I know the number I don't actually know what test it came from, or the scale of the test, so even as an adult the number is only semi-meaningful as an estimate of how my 7-year-old self was doing one day 30 years ago.

My ex was told his score when he was a kid and believe me, NOTHING good came of him knowing it, and the value he assigned to it was possibly even detrimental to his self-concept.

It's fascinating to see everyone's responses to this. We are clearly in the minority. I think under different circumstances we would have done it differently -- I absolutely get the concerns that are being expressed. As it was, we weren't going to get away with not letting her know what the testing was for because she figured out it was an intelligence test and that it must be because she was stupid (that was the very loud complaint she made when we took her there).

She was hugely relieved to know that wasn't the reason for the test and ended up having a lot of fun taking it (great tester, really good rapport). She sat with us as we reviewed the high level results. This is more than one number, it showed areas where she was strong and ones where she was weaker. Mostly she was just happy to know there wasn't anything wrong with her.

That said, we did not include her in the discussion of the entire analysis or the educational advocacy meeting that came with the testing. The point was to REDUCE her stress and not add to it.

I think that part of the reason it seems to have worked out was that she was so young. I don't think she's latched onto her number, in fact the impact has faded over the years. She knows she's smart and that fact has both positives and negatives in her life. But she's also aware that she's not the only smart person or the smartest. And she's starting to learn the hard way that she still has to put in the work, just like everyone else.

As for feeling different, I don't know what to say except that we're all different and until we get a grip on how and why that is the case (I love music the way others don't, I'm obsessed with beauty, I have a knack for fixing and building things, etc.) we're not going to feel comfortable with our place in the world. DD has learned to appreciate the things that make people different. I was so proud recently when she said of a friend "she's not so interested in school, but she's an incredibly gifted actress and singer."

Still, I'm definitely in the 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' camp.

DS knows his SAT & SCAT scores and we've discussed those at length. He understands that he scored quite well on the IQ test and he knows that the score led directly to him skipping another grade level.

We opted not to tell him his IQ as the score all by its lonesome does not provide enough meaning. There's an awful lot that goes into that score, and in our world, the individual subtests turned out to be more meaningful. Additionally, the WJIII Achievement test results were just too plain scary to divulge.

He's only asked once, and it was part of a larger discussion. He was (or at least seemed) totally fine with not knowing. He actually got within a point or so one year when the kids at CTY were toying with calculations while discussing the old age-based representation. Funny.

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We've had regular discussions about DS's brainpower, smarts, intellect, whatever you want to call it. And these discussions are extremely important as a means of helping him maintain a balanced perspective of his own abilities. We explore his various strengths as well as his weak points. And quite frankly, his score wouldn't do diddly for enhancing his understanding. (It certainly wouldn't help him remember to put his name on his papers.) For our son, knowing The Number would only serve to distract.