Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums High School How to help a teenager's self esteem

A common refrain! LOL, some families have created a menu of options to choose from, for the birthday person to weigh in on activity, food, cake, gift, other. May not work for everyone, but brainstorming and creating a fun birthday menu including budget can inspire great conversations.

Sounds like a great way to create happy memories!

Meanwhile, sometimes so many demands can be made on these kids that they are unable to listen to that small voice inside which tells them what they'd really like to be/do. Your son is fortunate to have you as his mom as you understand and support him. Wish I had more helpful thoughts to share. Lending support.

Hi bluemagic- sorry your DS is having a tough time.

Just a few quick thoughts. Are there any other band-related activities he could try? Either a summer camp, or a small group ensemble? Our band students all get the opportunity to participate in small ensembles (quintets, trios, etc) after they get to a certain level, and it is a great way to get to know kids better and work closely as a group; it teaches and challenges different skills than playing solo or in a large group and might help him forge relationships.

Also, you mentioned academic decathlon- if he is interested but too shy to join, is there any way to get someone else to help convince him? Either another kid you or he knows, or a teacher who knows his strengths? My DD was afraid to try out for a similar academic team here, and avoided it; she finally tried out after several coaches and teachers suggested it, but only after one teacher hand delivered a note with the tryout times and location to her!). It was frustrating, as I think we all could see it would be a good fit (it was), but she is pretty stubborn. Sometimes a little push can be helpful, if you really think it would suit him. It is where my DD found her tribe, and her confidence took off.

Another idea for inviting friends might be school-related shows or activities- here, kids often get together to attend the school musicals, or each other's concerts and recitals, improv nights, talent-type shows, etc. Perhaps marching band buddies would be into watching a game or something? Do they have pep-band there? Or some other marching band alternative on the "off" season?

I was in Academic Decathlon all four years of high school, and many of my fondest high school memories are from my participation in it.

I think cricket might have the right idea here-- expand on things that have been good for him.

What is it that he liked about marching band and DOESN'T like about symphonic band? Is it the activity? Travel? Would pep band be more fun?

Robotics? RPG at a local geek/comics/gaming store or library?

Thanks.

A family friend (who is 2 year older who is the only teen he does play with) has been doing Academic Decathalon and has talked with him about it. This teen has tried to recruiting my son for Robotics Club this past summer but that didn't fly. I think mostly because Marching Band took all of my son's energy at that time. I may suggest it again. I am pushing Academic Decathalon and I think I've convinced him to at least try it out.

We don't have a pep band. He has to be in one of the concert bands to be in marching band during the season. One reason he is down on concert band is he just got moved back to 2nd clarinet, he claims it's more because another player moved up about 5 seats than anything else. But I know it's partly that he doesn't put in as much effort as he could. He is talking about possibly taking up bass clarinet, and I have been looking into the possibility of renting him an instrument. Marching Band is just more than the playing, there is a huge social component. That is missing during the regular band.

He has done a jazz camp the past two years but he isn't enthusiastic enough for us to want to spend the money on it again. He didn't really make friends, what he LOVED and will be doing again this summer is two weeks at a wilderness camp.

There are quite a number of possible school clubs, many he might find interesting. If I can convince him to join one, it really will be the easiest to fit in his schedule. But I just can't pick one for him and sign him up. I have to coach him at what to do and say on Friday, when the clubs all have their booths. I've suggested he try finding out what clubs the kids he enjoys hanging out with are in and try them.

Update for those who are interested.

My son & I had a good time this weekend celebrating his birthday at a amusement park. The rain kept the park numbers down, and thus lines were short enough we could practically walk onto top rides. As neither my son nor I are hugely found of large crowds it made for a better than expected day. We were both happier getting sprinkled on that spending half the time in line.

But the club event at the H.S. last Friday was a bust. This may have partly been due to the rain affecting the setup. My son came home and said that most of the booths didn't even have signs stating their club name, and he didn't have much luck talking with them. Being a bit unsure what to do now. I decided it was best to email the vice-principal asking for not just help, but giving her feedback as the success of the event. Bit nervous about this as I don't like intervening in H.S. when he should do it himself. But I know he would just tell me not to bother, that it isn't very important.

The birthday visit to the amusement park sounds wonderful.

Navigating the club event sounds tricky... is there a way to do some research, for example does the school maintain a page of information including contact information for each club on its website? Are there teacher, parent, or student leaders... do you know any of them? Is there a posted schedule of meetings/activities?

The school VP may already have an impression as to the relative preparedness, attendance, and overall success of the club event. Is there some way you could volunteer to help (gather facts to create a webpage if there is not one, maintain a physical bulletin board at school, assist with a fundraiser, newsletter, sign-making, etc?)

Researching and volunteering are some of the ways parents may be involved without being misperceived as helicopter parents.

Thanks for the idea's. But no I can't really help, but I may be able to ask more info from the school administration. This is High School and most of these tasks are run by STUDENTS. It's why it's not perfect, I understand, it's just frustrating from our position. There is a web page it's just not up yet for spring.

I was similarly disappointed when my ds, now 13, moved from cub scouts to boy scouts. Events were planned a bit by adults, but in general all activities were scout led, which in this case meant not well organized at all. This resulted in my son feeling like he couldn't get any info on anything, couldn't move much in rank, etc. Finally he just didn't want to go anymore it was such a mess.
Too bad the clubs don't have at least one adult leader to keep an event like that from failing. I understand the desire to have kids figure things out on their own, but at the detriment of kids who would otherwise really benefit from a well run club, it is a shame.

All these clubs have faculty advisers but I but the amount of advisement varies from club to club. And it is the student government that runs the club event, also has a faculty advisor. It's an actual class.