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We have this with my 7 year old at times as well.

We implemented some sensory things - body brushing and weighted blanket -I swear it helped with cutting down bedtime from 1.5 hours to 10 minutes (or less!!).

He also hates that I "get to tell him what to do", esp after me teaching them about how it's your body, your life kinda things.

So now we do this:

Every 12 weeks or so we re-evaluate learning goals/activities/extra murals. They choose what they would like to do (only rule is 1 x academic, 1 x sport 1 x cultural activity are compulsory - you choose which).

Once they have chosen they are committed for a reasonable time period - eg Tae Kwon Do, a reasonable time period is 2 colour belts. For music it would be at least one book of the violin/piano etc. Committed means lessons, homework given by teachers, practice to fit your personal goals.

They set goals for their intended outcomes per subject/activity. Together we break those goals into smaller measurable steps and formulate a work plan to help reach those goals.

Weekly they then acknowledge what needs to be done, and then daily I/they write a list of what they need to do. Usually I do it once they are in bed and when they wake up they see it in the dining room. Everything is listed and has a tick box. So even if the goal is "build x LEGO item" or "swim 3 laps" I put that in. They can add more stuff if they want. They don't have to do all the things on their list - but certain things like screentime, outings, playdates, sleepovers are determined by personal drive to meet your own goals.

For now this is working well for us. We do follow a more ecclectic/unschooling approach so it means we have a total mixture of workshops, courses, online, outing, group etc things that we do.

It is only now that with our 7 year old we are trying to decide if we need to push him a bit more - through the perfectionism a bit to actually help him be a bit more self reliant in terms of learning.

*must add: he will be starting auditory processing therapy shortly - I am sure that his sensitivity to sound affects his ability to focus on more complex learning*

Like going to a buffet and sampling everything. Then discovering that you really,really like a three or four different dishes and already being full.

Classic cognitive dissonance. Maybe he would like approaching it with a cost/benefit chart and assign values to different things he's put on his plate, and then adding it up and then letting the math guide him.

what ZS says makes a lot of sense! Esp when you consider that a lot of gifties have stronger sensory awareness than many others...

A thought from someone with a much much younger child... You mentioned that one class is giving him homework assignments that take an hour to do. How many assignments does he have in a day? How much does he do that looks like traditional schoolwork?

To me, an hour long homework assignment sounds like a lot for a 7 year old. Especially one who may have memories of zero real work from a too easy traditional school experience. I know a kid who is interested can easily dive in for hours, but it is different when an adult, any adult, tells you that you have to.

Did you go through a deschooling period?

Portia, since my DD is still little, I have no BTDT advice to offer but is it possible that over the years, he has gotten used to the idea that he is the smartest child in the room even if there are slightly older children ?

I have done what I could to shield DD from comments from other adults that are meant to be compliments and we try to focus on efforts and her own long-term goals but still, they are starting to sink into her head. If it goes on for four more years and she suddenly meets classmates who are older and wiser, she might go through a bit of identify crisis. She doesn't mind being a not-so-stellar ballet or gymnastic student because that was never her "thing" but by 1st grade, she might be used to standing out because of her precocious academic skills. I personally think it's a good thing that he is facing this now, rather than later.

intellectually depraved

I realize this was likely an autocorrect-fail, but this is THE best phrase.

I love that. This is my child. Intellectually depraved. Yes.

I spotted that, too. It is the most awesome autocorrect I have seen this week.