Gifted Issues Discussion homepage

I'd say that it may well be true that life is more complicated. I'm not sure that it's actually MORE dangerous-- but it might be that we're all living effectively with ADD by virtue of the new "always on" way of life, tied to our mobile devices day and night.

On the other hand, kids can keep in touch with a cellular phone now in ways that were simply science fiction when I was my daughter's age. My parents (and those of my friends, too) never had any idea whether we were even alive until we showed up at home on time after dark-- or not.

I can remember being in an auto accident at 16 and having to limp along in a totalled vehicle for several miles to a pay phone to call the state patrol. And our folks, of course.

I didn't want to antagonize you. I was more curious why you felt so strongly that the world was more dangerous because most of what I have been reading tells me that violent crime is down. Not just on that site, I just thought it was a good summery of links. I don't necessary agree with everything this woman posts.

My option is that the world isn't more dangerous than it was 30 years ago, nor necessarily less. Just different.. just like your point that it's hard to compare kids now with kids 30 years ago.

Parts of the U.S are more dangerous and some a lot less. Kind of depends on how you qualify it. Plus sometimes we have traded one type of danger for another. For example parents drive kids to school in larger numbers than before partly because they worry about stranger abduction, traffic on city streets, busy lives, and school locations. These school parking lots have now becomes extremely dangerous with all the parents who are in a rush and don't follow safe procedures. Cell phones give parents a better idea of where there kids are, yet cause their own unique dangers in kids bulling and sexting.

As to the creator of this site, I did take a bit of a look at it. She isn't saying don't supervise your kids, just that we as a society have gone a bit overboard. And are we worrying about the right things. Two biggest child killers are car accidents and drowning. The age at which a child can be home alone, or walk a few blocks to the store, or leave home really really depends on the child & parent and situation.

I think that show Catch a Predator showed the increased risk for kids. Just like you have way more meth addicts now because it is more available. The Internet creates an addiction in some people that wouldn't have taken the risk before. I watched the show one Sunday when it was on MSNBC for a marathon. There was a cardiac surgeon, a big rabbi, people you would never thought have taken a risk like this before.
And there were more rules before and lines that people didn't cross. When I was a kid, my friend's parents were always Mr. & Mrs. So and so. Sex might happen in middle school but not as pervasive as it is now.
The familiarity and the early sexual activity of kids makes for a very different environment.

But it also makes us do way too much for our kids. I find sending her to camp has changed the paradigm where she wants to do more for herself. And I have started to back off. And give her a lot of time to hang and play in nature though I am in the vicinity, but giving her some space. Safe space.

You can give space and responsibility without putting them at risk.

I agree with bluemagic that the world is not more dangerous now than it was when we were kids.

Another fact that many people don't know is that teen sexual activity is down and that teen pregnancy is in continuing decline:

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way...ies-continue-to-decline-new-report-shows

Teen smoking and drinking also continue to decline. Pot use is up, though:

http://healthland.time.com/2011/12/14/teen-drug-use-marijuana-up-cigarettes-and-alcohol-down/

Sometimes I wonder if anyone else was a teen in the 80s.

Teen births down 50% in the last 25 years
Childhood injury related deaths down 50% in the last 25 years
Missing children down 30% in the last 15 years
is what ten minutes of Googling tells me.

Which begs the question of trends in protectiveness, because are rates low due to alert parents or are they largely independent. It's awkward to know the balance; I'm the over-protective one and still hold my eight year old's hand most of the time in a parking lot.

Re injury, rates have gone down due to better product design and safer roads and cars, IIRC.

Re teen births, as I said, teen sexual activity is down and birth control use is up somewhat. It could be related also to parents talking to their teens about safe sex and their expectations regarding sex (proven to work!)

Re missing children--well, that's a tricky one, and possibly the real question for the free-rangers. Are there simply fewer child abductions because nobody's children go out to play alone or walk/bike alone anymore? Or is the world actually safer now for children alone?

A 40-ish co-worker recounted that when he was a kid growing up in the Midwest, he would play in the neighborhood, unsupervised, after getting home from school. At about 6pm his mother would go to the front door and yell "Jim, time for dinner!", and he would come. He does not consider his parents neglectful, and he has turned out fine.

For much of the 20th century in the U.S., and to this day in other countries, school children walked home and back for lunch. I think it is worth reconsidering how much supervision children need.

An American woman has a 1 in 6 chance of being targeted for sexual assault in her lifetime, and 44% of the victims are under 18. So I'll go ahead and keep an eye on my daughter, regardless of how it worked out that one time for your male coworker (odds for an American man: 1 in 33).

Stats

Sounds like my childhood. I'm in my 40s and grew up in the Midwest. Pretty much all of my friend's parents had the same philosophy. Some of us turned out "fine," others most definitely did NOT. My parents' parenting method was something I like to call "benign neglect." I'm fine now, but for a very long time in my 20's I really wasn't. I wouldn't personally recommend it as a parenting style.
With my own kids I'm not willing to leave it up to chance, not to mention I no longer live in the Midwest and it's no longer the 80s.

Let me repeat it again, though: the worst danger to your children absolutely, positively IS NOT random strangers attacking them on the streets. That is extremely rare, and has always been very rare. It is people they know and trust: their coaches, pastors, family friends, and babysitters. In terms of abductions, most children who are abducted are taken by noncustodial parents.

I maintain a healthy level of concern about sexual abuse and assault, but my awareness centers on the people we know, not the bogeyman in the bushes. Also, because I have this concern, I have, since they were 3 or 4, armed my children with the knowldge that their private areas are private and belong to them and what to do if anyone touches them there, shows them their own private parts, or talks to them in a way that feels inappropriate. We have gone over this many times. We also call body parts by their proper names and have a very open atmosphere about questions regarding sex. In addition, my kids are never required to hug anyone or give kisses to relatives if they don't want to. One rule I am STILL working on with them is the sovereign importance of the word STOP when engaging in roughhousing. STOP means STOP.

If you want to empower your kids against abuse, the best way to do so is not to constantly worry about who is lurking where but to talk to them about these issues. Your kids are going to go out into the world without you. You can't watch them every minute. Nor do they want you to.