Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Where do all the parents go?

As an old mom (14yo twins), I agree with what Old Dad said. I still check in here because it is all still fascinating and hard to let go. But I've come a long way from the freak-out when my 2yo was reading and people were telling me she must be autistic (we never took her to a specialist after being reassured by the pedi that it seemed quite unlikely).

The fact is, I have 2 amazing and amazingly well-adjusted teens, and it is better for them at this point to let them start finding their own ways. It is easier for me to see now (than when they were little) that the academic sky isn't falling. Their schooling isn't perfect but it is okay and I think they'll figure out what they need/want.

The other night when my dd was going to bed she said to me, "you know what?" The answer was "the water from the faucet in our upstairs bathroom is the best tasting water I've ever had." And then she said good night. And I wondered how I got so lucky to have a teen who is not only finding joy in life, but finding joy in something that cost me virtually nothing.

Ditto to everything amylou said (right down to the water in our upstairs bathroom, really!). My two are 11 and 13; I still read here intermittently because it is addictive and interesting and I still happen across resources that are useful to us, but my kids are (mostly) happily finding their way.

Yes. This seems to be true at the unrelated forum where I've been involved as an administrator through about 8 years now. The ones who stay tend to have children and life circumstances that paint them into uncomfortably tight solution spaces.


Yes. This is a lovely and very succinct picture of the demographics of almost any online community. The "why" of who fits where, though-- that's complicated. Some people find what they need IRL, and some don't. The reasons for that probably vary significantly, but it winds up that the "don't" crowd are the regulars over a long period of time.


I agree, to a point.
1. Loss of that desperate feeling that most people have which initially overcomes the activation energy of posting such private and painful things on an open website... which, let's face it, is a substantial barrier for many people-- particularly people who post on a forum like this one, because the potential for some anonymity here is VERY appealing for that private/circumspect group of parents. We're not going to plaster this stuff on FB pages. Come to that, I'd guess a fair number of us don't HAVE Facebook pages.

2. Yes-- or the kids get old enough that they don't WANT some things posted on the net. My DD is definitely in this category-- I strongly suspect that she reads here. She is a fully fledged member of the other forum where I'm an admin... it's sometimes... interesting, that. But anyway-- I'm aware of handing over the reins to her.

3. Yes. You just plain get tired of fighting the good fight. Sure, it's the "right" thing to do. But eventually, old soldiers and all that. I'm VERY much there with my daughter's other issues and getting there in a hurry with the GT ones, too. It's NEVER going to matter, and therefore it is a waste of my energy to beat my head against that wall. Better to just get on with my own subversive means of working around things.

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One thing that hasn't been mentioned which may be particular to this community is that there are a lot of parenting issues which arise as our (admittedly complicated) kids mature are so incredibly idiosyncratic that NOBODY can really tell us what to do about them. So I also suspect that parents stop asking, because the inputs are not always very relevant, as much as we'd like for someone to tell us whether or not it's okay for a 13yo to spend the summer in Ecuador on a field research station. Maybe parents eventually realize that nobody else has answers as good as our own for these kids, by and large, and we make peace with that and stop asking. I guess Old Dad's point is similar to this one, now that I think about it. Making peace with nobody else having the answers.

Well said. I will have to remember that quote and use it often.

I hope someday I have the confidence to think "I know best" (but my eldest is 6.5).

It does however give me hope that things will get figured out for ds, by ds and me. The fight is old already- especially because I don't think the school is willing to do anything different. They are still trying hard to prove to me that ds is not what he is. (Sigh)

This is fairly normal in more general parenting forums. I think parents become more confident, and busier and their kids need less hands on help. My son is 14 (soon to be 15, a H.S. freshman) I am only here now because my son has had a few challenges in the past year.

After K and 1st grade a lot of schools have gifted programs and parents don't feel so desperate for help as they are when kids are in preschool and starting elementary? After couple of years they have it figured out a lot better.

I wish we had gifted programming.

our school district has it from 3rd grade but since it's not mandated by the state, it's just a very basic pull out that's pretty much worthless. Our "gifted" programming is us homeschooling ... at least for now! lol

I once heard the definition of an expert described as:

"Someone who's made every mistake there is to make in a very narrow field....and lives at least 100 miles away."

I had to chuckle at that description, there is a lot more truth to it than I'd like to admit. By the time our GT kids are 14 or so, we've made the mass majority of the mistakes and learned from them, still, while we know our own children better than anyone else, (or should, if we're doing it right) we often fail to give ourselves credit for being an expert on them.