Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy how to get DS7 to learn to swim?

DS7 used to love swimming classes when he was like 18 months old. When he was around 4 years old, I tried to teach him to really swim. He cried and cried and refused to let go of me. Since then, once a year we try to get someone to teach him to swim. One year it was a lovely bubbly mom friend teaching him in a tiny pool. One year it was a group lesson with friends taught by a cool and fun college kid. DS always clings to the wall and just refuses to let go. He reports to everyone that he is afraid and there doesn't seem to be anything that can break through this fear. I've tried offering a bribe too. He is not interested. He has missed birthday parties and fun trips to water parks because he is so afraid of the water. (He wanted to go to those things so badly but just cried that he was too afraid.)

Any advice?

Wading pool, walking around in three feet of water, practice holding his breath, inflatable tube he won't slip through to kick himself around.

My DS9 has a lot of sensory issues and struggled like MAD in the pool. He repeated level 1 over and over, literally for years. He FINALLY passed into level 2 at the age of 9 (I started him in lessons at 4 - I'm not joking - he just couldn't pass).

The main key that I can identify (other than the fact that he's grown and matured, which I'm sure has contributed) is the fact that I bought him goggles. He's extremely visual/spatial/right brained (excelled early at mazes, puzzles, etc). He needed to SEE under water (the chlorine hurt his eyes so he couldn't open them without goggles). Once he discovered that he could see what was below the surface without his eyes hurting, he was like a new kid in the pool.

Not sure if that helps. The key is to find the individual child's roadblock and address it. I wish I'd tried the goggles ages ago... I could have saved some money in lessons, lol.

This is my DS2. He has always been very averse to even a drop or two of water on his face. I still have to bathe with him when washing his hair to prevent excess splashing or dripping, otherwise hysterics ensue.

Would you happen to have any extra tips for parents of young sensory kids? I was extremely unimpressed at DS' swim instructor's suggestion to just jump into the pool and immerse him fully. It struck me as draconian and disrespectful to my son's wishes, so I ignored the advice and let DS swim gently above water at his leisure. I'm more than happy to wait it out and keep building a track record of positive experiences until he decides he's ready.

DS7 refuses to swim without scuba googles (the ones that cover the nose and eyes). He is extremely sensitive to water in his eyes or nose. We had tried regular goggles to no avail, but within days of using scuba goggles we began calling him our little fish! Good luck!

Yes!! I think listening to the instructor would have been a mistake. FWIW, my DS9 was very much like your DS about getting water on his face when he was younger - it horrified him. He's much better now, and I think part of it is because I waited for him to evolve and develop and didn't traumatize him.

My daughter was very anxious about learning to swim and we didn't get anywhere with swim lessons. The only thing that worked was talking through her fears and going to the pool every day to let her gradually build up confidence. I helped her. We don't have a pool, so it was an effort. Once she started to feel more confident and could swim across the pool, she was able to take swim lessons. It took about 2 months of going almost every day and patiently encouraging her.

Thanks for the validation, CCN! It struck me as a really effective way to create an aversion. It's reassuring to know that the sensory filter can be stretched as our children mature.

Will be following this thread with interest to hear the other veterans' feedback.

Happy New Year, all!!

Those are great tips; thanks so much MON! I used to swim competitively, but teaching a young sensory child requires a completely different play book. I am definitely going to try the pre-swim towel technique.

Somewhereonearth, thanks for letting me piggyback on your thread.

If it's any consolation (particularly for the poster who's child is just 2 years old) . Both of my kids (one 2E w/ sensory issues and the other completely neurotypical) had issues at one point or another with water in their face. Both still highly dislike face/hair washes. But both swim. The older one with the issues has coordination problems and more trouble with it but he is incredibly determined. At swim lessons they only allow him to wear regular googles (not the scuba ones which he prefers) and he's fine with it though the minute lessons are over he puts his scuba googles on. Anyway just wanted to let you know both had major issues with water in the face and both swim now... And there is no need to 'toss 'em until the get over it' or anything - you can be gentle. The swim place we are at now is hardcore ... They want the kid to "push through" but when my kids were to scared or too uncomfortable we took breaks (against the hardcore swim place's advice). There is no need for a three year old to be a proficient swimmer - we have time and can take it slow. It doesn't seem that either child suffered immensely from going slow. No, they were not showing off spectacular swimming skills at 3 years old but I was more than okay with that. My guideline (for my own guys) is more like by 8 years old they should be somewhat proficient or getting there (and that's just based on how MY guys are not a general feeling that all kids should be at a certain point by a certain age as all kids are different and certainly some have issues that make it really hard for them!)

Thanks so much for this! He is terrified of drowning, choking, not being able to see, of someone not seeing him struggling in the water. It makes me so sad when he tells me about his fears! I've had many talks with him along the lines, "Have I (or DH) ever let anything bad happen to you? We are there with you in the pool and we would never let anything bad happen to you.", etc. He trusts us, he just doesn't trust that the water can remain stable enough that someone could get to him if he needed help. (He acknowledges that tidal waves and storms don't happen in indoor pools - he's knows it's irrational - he just can't get past it!)

We would have to join a local gym to get regular access to a pool. I think it would be worth it. He could go in regularly and just hang out (and my 3 year old would enjoy it as well - no fears for her so far).

No problem!

Your story reminds me of my story with my DS7.

His big block was getting his face wet, which pretty much shut the idea of swimming down.

We did group lessons. We did individual lessons. We tried different instructors.

After a few weeks, this one instructor told me "I'm going to ask him to jump into the water. He'll probably get mad afterwards."

He jumped. He declared "THAT. WAS. AWESOME!!!" And thus began actual swimming. Six months later I still get giddy about him splashing around in the water with his friends.

I don't know when or how that will happen for you. Maybe it's not with this instructor or during this session. But just keep bringing him to the water and giving him the right to choose when he takes that big leap.

This is my son as well, though we held off on lessons the last few years because he hated them so and wasn't improving. At this point, he says he doesn't want to go swimming with friends/at camps because it's embarrassing to him that he can't swim. He also claims that it's boring exercise, though I suspect fears. I am glad that your son finally got through it! We are planning (another round of) private lessons soon.

I'll be another to say that goggles were KEY for both of my kids. Also, this is advised against by many, but for my more anxious child, swimming in a life vest helped acclimate her to the idea of deeper water and understand how her body worked in water.

BTW, my 5yo still hates having his hair washed but is an amazing swimmer. (He even swims butterfly. *I* can't swim butterfly.) Don't ask me how that works!!

Our DD had the same issues with getting water in her face, so I checked with DW, and she traces the solution back to a water park visit where I basically placed an actively-resisting DD4 on the top of the kiddie water slide and pushed. DD sat up at the bottom, recovered from her shock, then declared, "That was FUN!", and the rest, as they say, is history. She worked her way gradually up to swimming in pretty normal stages after that. And in the meantime, the faces she would make as she tried to turn away from the spray at the bottom of the water slides were pretty amusing.

As it has been said metaphorically on this site, sometimes these kids need a push to get over that hump. Well, sometimes they need a physical push as well.

ITA with mon. I have seen some kids (not mine) at the local pool who really surprised me with their lack of ability to self rescue. I have seen kids panicking and on the verge of trouble in a life vest in the shallow end (ETA: our local pool is bad about allowing kids to wear life vests that are too big and not correctly fastened).

BTW, even with two kids who are now good swimmers, we always experience a little fear/anxiety at the start of each new swim season. They have to reacclimate and find their swimming feet again. I always forget.

I think that MoN's experience and advice (just above, especially) is one to bear in mind.

After DD had a SINGLE traumatizing experience in a "water babies" class my DD refused swim lessons for MANY years.

This is something of a long story, but the instructors pressured ME to do things that I knew that my 14mo DD was uncomfortable with and terrified by... and I relented when they assured me that "they all scream like that" and that it would be "fine" and she just needed to kind of, I don't know... move through (?) the 'terror' phase of things?

I can still remember arguing with the instructors and being APPALLED that one of them shoved DD's head under the water. I can still recall her wounded, betrayed look directed at ME. She remembered, too-- the next class, she PUMMELED me and refused to allow me to even take her into the pool. She turned into 19 pounds of squirming, scratching, frantic and determined baby. This was repeated at regular intervals until she was about four-- she didn't want ANY person near her if she was even in a wading pool in the back yard. For her to get into the water, you had to be about twenty feet away from her.

Anyway-- my point is this-- there is a danger in pushing HG+ kids because of their prodigious memories and way of processing the world. My DD did NOT "get over" it the way a typical child might have. I certainly saw that the other children in the class seemed to recover from their dunkings... but my child was terrified of drowning. Yes-- at 14mo. I knew that she wasn't just afraid of the unfamiliar sensation, but of the DANGER that she could see the environment presented.

We didn't put her back into lessons until she was five, nearly six. Even so, we put her in semi-private lessons with an instructor much like MoN. We were VERY choosy about instructors-- DD had to truly trust the person or she wouldn't even get in the pool, and that lasted until she was swimming at competitive levels when she was 8-9yo.

I did learn something important about my daughter from this incident, though-- pushing her when she is terrified is a losing proposition. Find out WHAT she is afraid of first, and reason with her. If she can't be reasoned with, think carefully about whether or not this is really your hill to die on, so to speak. For a blood draw when she was two-- yeah, it was worth it. For a chest x-ray at 18mo, similarly-- had to be done. But swimming? Nah. Our lifestyle didn't make that one completely imperative.

I coaxed my DD into getting her face wet in the bath in a relaxed setting instead of a high sensory overload and stressor environment like a swimming pool. Baby steps, confidence building and an emphasis on fun helped my DD.

Another thing that I think adds to the stress of an indoor pool environment, at least, are the acoustics - lots of very loud echoing voices and cries. This isn't going to help a child with sensory issues feel relaxed at all.

This has been my experience with DS2 and is the exact reason I am a proponent of child led everything. My son has the memory of an elephant and the stubbornness of a herd of oxen. Pushing is a losing proposition on every side, be it for swimming, eating, or anything else.

I agree to all of the precautions above regarding pushing. In DD's case, the water was maybe four inches high, so the only way she could be harmed is if she rolled over into it on her face.

She tried other slides throughout that day, but insisted I be on the bottom to catch her so she wouldn't submerge on the deeper ones. Baby steps.

My SPD newly 8 year old DS falls in the category of "fear of drowning." He has always hated water in his face and it led to many anxiety tantrums as a toddler in the bathtub. We tried group lessons at 5 and he refused to jump in or put his head underwater although he is happy to hop around in the shallow end and likes being in the water. Any attempt by me to get him to even blow bubbles creates a panic.

So my solution was to sign him up for swimming lessons through the therapeutic recreation program in my city. There will be other kids with mild to moderate disabilities in the class but it's very small. Hoping that these instructors can do what I couldn't do and help him get over that fear. Learning to swim is non-negotiable to me. He starts tomorrow so we'll see. He wasn't thrilled that I signed him up again but after going on a tour of the pool he decided to feel brave about it. We'll see tomorrow when we get there LOL