Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy "your Mom is not in charge of your education"

So, DS7 comes home today and tells me that his accelerated math teacher told him today, "you're Mom is not in charge of your education. The school is."

I am certain that she said it. How is the appropriate way to handle this?

I'd probably have to sleep on it for a few nights to stop my blood from boiling ... then I still don't know how I'd react!

I was thinking of writing, DS says this. Of course you didn't say it Ms Teacher, because that would be a terrible thing to say. Could you clarify what you meant so that I can better support your mesaage?

I do not think I would say anything to a teacher about a single, out-of-context statement that my 7-year-old reported to me. It might make me think or watch what was going on more closely, but that is about it.

I don't think I'd say anything either.

Ask this-- are you "in charge" (technically or philosophically, I mean)?

Probably not-- unless you are homeschooling or this person is a one-to-one tutor in your employ. Right?

I'm only "in charge" of my DD's education when I am the one making all of the pedagogical decisions, after all.

I don't actually think it's such a terrible thing to have said-- depending upon the context, as MoN points out; it's the kind of thing that can be a flippant, even playful response to "I don't want to do it your way," and ubiquitous "you can't make me because my mommy will..." statements.

Unless you have SERIOUS misgivings about the teacher otherwise, I'd explain that in that classroom, the teacher makes the rules, not you.

{shrug}

But take into account that this is precisely the kind of thing that DD might have pulled at 4-7yo in order to manipulate ME into going to bat for her over something she didn't feel like doing/complying with. Other children, could be a different situation.

First, I would have to find out exactly what the rest of that conversation was. (With my kids, that could be extremely difficult.)

Depending on the answers to that, I might tell the kid to stop giving the teacher a hard time and do what she asked, or I might go down and raise the roof on the school, or something in between.

That would annoy me but it is TRUE from the school's perspective. You are in control of where he learns but if that where is a school that gives them most of the power.

I find that hard in a lot of ways. Ds6 came home singing "grandma got run over by a reindeer" today - not a song iwould have taught him even though it is funny.

I tend to get fragments of conversations from my ds at that age, and still do.
He has a way of challenging authority at times. I wonder where that came from? LOL

This sounds like evidence of some kind of power struggle, either between your son and the teacher, or between you and the school. I infer from the statement that the teacher is aware that you and/or your son have misgivings about what goes on in the classroom. It's possible that the teacher has the same misgivings but ultimately has to follow school policy. It's also possible that the teacher is resisting making the accommodations you and/or your son want.

Whatever the case, I think it's important for teachers and school officials to recognize that they provide a service to parents, who are the arbiters of their children's education. School policies don't apply outside of their walls, and parents decide whether or not their children enter those walls.



Agreed.

I would say the teacher was right, in a way. The school is indeed in charge of your son's education, because when you registered your son for school, you put them in charge.

You can delegate authority, but not responsibility, which is why, ultimately, final responsibility and authority still rests with you. If things aren't going right, the school still has to answer to you for it.