Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy deliberate self harm resources

thank you, Bostonian. i hadn't seen this book - i bet we could have used it last year, when DD was talking a lot about her wish to die. she has come a long, long way since then, but i will definitely be picking this up for reference and context.

you guys really are the most amazing support system. thank you, all.

doubtfulguest, I must thank you for sharing your 'random child' conversation. I used that on DS8 last night when he started smacking his head over a math problem. He threatened great vengeance on the random child until going wide eyed when he realized he was the random child! I hope it sticks. Thanks again.

this totally made my day, CoastalMom. i'm SO glad that little trick was useful for your son! i fully plan to remind DD of that "kid" as time goes on... i've got a phrase all ready to go: "oh! there's that random mean kid again - how about you tell her you don't need her right now?" i have no idea if it'll work, but at the very least, it'll probably get a laugh from DD...

PM me any time if you need an ear - this stuff is really hard.

I like that follow up, too! I hadn't thought of the head-smacking in terms of self harm before seeing this thread. One of my favourite things about this site are the 'oh that's what that is' moments. I'll be following up with the literature recommendations from other posters - thanks for starting the thread.

it took me a while, too - it was hard to separate what was simply an immature coping strategy from something that needs specific intervention, so i really hear you on that.

i was really hoping this behaviour would simply melt away, like all the other vestiges of last year's dreadful school experience (the depression/the anxiety/the suicidal thoughts) but it's the lone holdout. the light went on for me when DD articulated that she feels it's an effective strategy: so unless we find something to substitute for it... it's here to stay. (and that is NOT an option!)

I'm saving the "random child" thing for the next time it might come in handy!

When DS was 1, I could distract him from banging his head on the floor by pretending to bang his head on the floor for him and making big "boom" noises until he giggled. Now that he's 11, I can't just go over and bite his arm for him and make big chomping noises. Err...well...I haven't actually tried that, come to think of it -- it might be worth a try!

that is an amazing mental picture, Nautigal (om, nom, nom!)

let us know if the laughter response still works - maybe we're on to something here!

Have you considered chewing gum as a strategy? Many people self-medicate with snack foods and when older with drugs, alcohol, shopping, even sexual behavior but these may have devastating consequences.

Chewing gum, taking a walk, meditating, journaling, drawing, doodling, cartooning, even developing a fondness for a soothing cup of tea may be beneficial and healthy strategies to practice when working through an impasse or frustration.

I've heard of one family who had a table reserved for jigsaw puzzles. When faced with a mental block, stopping to fit a piece or two into place on a puzzle (often over conversation with a family member who would join them at the puzzle table) seemed to provide renewed insight.

Because developing the ability to self-soothe is so important, there are even humorous toys like stress balls made with foam, putty, or micro-beads.

For others, I've heard that looking at and thinking about their past successes... portfolios, awards, scrapbooks, collections... may provide a much-needed boost and new approaches to thinking about whatever it may be that has them momentarily stumped or stuck.

oooh, i like the putty idea! we can't do chewing gum because of all the headaches in the family (UGH) but putty is brilliant. i will try it for sure!