Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy School meeting and discouraged

You already have tonnes of great suggestions but I'll add my experience to the mix.

We had a very similar experience with DS in grade 1. In the end it came down to two things for us -

1. poor teacher - I know she meant well and was trying but she didn't have the skills to deal with him and the 15 others in the class. We should have figured this out earlier than we did since only one of his two teachers was having issues. I volunteered in the class one morning a week the whole year and what sealed the deal was that I observed the huge turnaround that occurred in the class when there was substitute. It was night and day for all of the kids, not just mine.

2. LD - we had DS evaluated half way through grade one and he is 2e which explained a lot. Again, looking backward this should have been more obvious but neither DH or I dealt with LD's so we were kind of blinded. It was hard to wrap our heads around the fact that the kid that could do insanely smart things would then turn around and struggle writing a 3 word sentence. Then the challenge was figuring out when he was acting out because it was too easy (the gifted side), it was too hard (the LD side), or he was just being a "normal" 6 year old boy or all of the above. This will likely be something we'll be sorting out for the next 12 years but at least we have more information to help sort it out.

In the end I'm grateful that she was such a poor teacher and that we were pushed to do the full evaluation sooner than later. It made a lot of things make sense. Once we had the report we were then able to advocate and they took it very seriously rather than some crazy parents complaining. Although most of last year was write off (the teacher wasn't able to do much with the IEP but at least she had more compassion when it came to writing assignments) we now have a FANTASTIC teacher and haven't had issues this year. Not that we've fixed everything or that I expect this to last but at least we have a bit of a calm in the storm that has been our life with DS

Good luck!

Yes, this. One of our biggest regrets is the number of times we punished DS last year for the bad reports we got on him from school. We would have taken a different tack if we had any idea what it was like for him to sit there day after day, trying to be still, trying to find some glimmer of true learning in that classroom, being labeled as a "difficult" child. He put it so well to me when I asked a few weeks ago if he was glad he was in a new school. "Yes, I wish I had been there last year. It would have saved me a year of lost privileges (at home)."

Sorry to read this. I could have posted what you wrote almost exactly, about a year ago. The "problem" is that my DS is not a behavior problem at all...so when I came to school to investigate, everyone balked that my son is unhappy.

Trust your intuition. You are right. This advocacy is lonely. But you can come on this site and gets heaps of support and advice. Literally, it is what has gotten me to where we are now with my son.

If you can, get your child evaluated privately only. I am smack in the middle of evaluating my son now (for a grade skip and 2E) and so far our tester is uncovering loads of things that I KNOW the school would not have done. (Ex. DS is reading a few grade levels up but apparently the tester is noticing that he is "gaming" the system and probably has some dyslexia going on. The tester at school would have checked off the box "reads at or above grade level" and moved on.)

Again, trust that mommy instinct of yours and do not give up until your mommy instinct tells you to!

Polly: I am doing exactly what you suggested. It is so overwhelming but I enjoy knowing there are other options and support here.

Unfortunately, we have a poor teacher and she is not helpful. She is sarcastic and spiteful. She twists what I say. Very frustrating to say the least. I would feel much comfortable if I knew the teacher would do more than just mediocre for her students. The school not testing or having suggestions is an obstacle but I have private options so my main concern is this teacher. DD seems to like her from what I can tell. Says she yells a lot though.

I am so happy to have a place to express concern and get others insight and suggestions. I'm so anxious for the Eval and to see what is going on. I anticipate that the teacher will still show resistance. Homeschooling is a major option right now.

My mommy instincts are telling me something isn't right. My strong knowledge and science background needs this Eval to back me up. Without it I feel helpless and that "crazy parent" insisting that my child doesn't have behavior problems and she is bored. The teacher refuses to hear this though. She also refuses to acknowledge DD hearing loss (a hole in R ear with partial hearing loss and an ear drum that burst Monday from a severe ear infection, probably causing more hearing loss) as an issue since she performs well with some assignments and not with others. My mommy instincts and based off of research that there is a strong likelihood that DD is HG with a possible LD. She just doesn't seem to fit any disorders I have read about.

I know I shouldn't be but I feel crazy and judge.

Is it possible to get her switched into one of the other classes in her same grade? I know some schools are cool with this and some not, but it might be worth asking.

We also had a sarcastic and nasty teacher last year. She was only that way to us as far as I could tell. She made all kinds of sideways accusations including: we were paying our son to learn math at higher levels, we don't allow him to have play dates because we are too busy strapping him to a chair so that he could do advanced work,we taught him to not like age mates because we are teaching him to think he is better than everyone else. (My DS is so quiet and humble, i never understood that particular comment because she always told me that he was "humble".)

Anyway, those comments really stung me for a long time. I finally realized that I was doing nothing good for my son by lingering on my hurt. And of course, this is all about one thing really - getting my child's needs met. So I focus on that

This may become worse under Common Core as it has been said that the desire to track its effectiveness is driving the creation of a large database to store much information about students and their families, including attitudinal factors. It is said these records will be shared among educational institutions and be available to researchers. Inquiries to-date about how a family would review their child/ren's records and submit corrections have not resulted in information being provided. This may translate to a teacher's negative comments following a student throughout a lifetime.

Similar to the practice of some people keeping a personal copy of their medical records at home, parents may wish to begin constructing and maintaining a set of educational records for their children.

I have always had a hearing impediment - almost totally deaf my right ear. That last bit about erratic performance is basically what got me labelled as borderline retarded by my primary school teachers.

Oh how I have proved them wrong since but man did getting hit every day suck! (corporal punishment was alive and well in those days).

Obviously if your DD hears the directions she can follow them and if she cannot then she cannot follow them! Get the hearing test, the IQ test and the achievement test. Hard facts + mother's intuition will be a far more potent combination.

MON I've never heard of CAPD. Can you tell me more about it?
The teacher seems to think DD's inconsistency has more to do with interest. If DD wants to do it she will and will perform wonderfully. If she isn't interested she be careless. I agree to a point because DD is like this. Although I would not rule out 2e and have talked with the psych doing the eval that I want everything covered. DD appears to have consistency at home. With 2e would we see inconsistencies at home as well?
I want to clarify that I am still really new to a lot of this so my questioning is not undermining or not wanting to see the big picture. Rather, trying to make sense of it all.

You make a VERY excellent point about the teacher. Her father passed 2 days before we first met her at orientation, so about a week or so before school started. I was unaware of this at our first encounter. After finding out DH and I of course did not take our first impression seriously. We are now 2 months in and her behavior as been consistent. This could still be depression/grief, no doubt. What makes me wonder otherwise is the counselors story about her daughter having this teacher last year and people asking her why she would choose this teacher.

Luckily she is not as rude as the teacher you stated above. DH would definitely have words if she were and I can understand how that would sting for a long time.

You are absolutely correct! This is about the child's needs and the focus on the teacher should be minimal in comparison. Which is why at the meeting I didn't mention the issues between her and I but focused on DD. Not that it seemed to make any difference being that she only dug herself deeper. I will continue to focus on DD because in the end that is the real issue/focus here and this teacher will only be around for 1 yr. DD may continue to have issues that need work beyond her.