Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy how to get permission to observe DS in class

Well, what comes home?

Anything?

If the answers there are also "no, not a thing-- it's not done" then yes, I'd call that profoundly disturbing, and I'd be asking some very hard questions of both classroom teacher and principal about what on earth goes on there during the day.

Our public school doesn't allow parent observations in class, either. Have you thought about involving the guidance counselor? Is there a gifted coordinator? Also, does the teacher know about the refusal to go? Our school administration and teachers would be very responsive if told that a student was so upset he was refusing to go on some days. They still wouldn't let a parent observe the class, but the guidance counselor certainly would.

For us, the magic words turned out to be "He is very upset/doesn't like school/ doesn't want to go because...." Telling our school that our twins were UNHAPPY about school and didn't like it definitely got a response. We have discovered that the teachers really do want the children to have a good experience. (My twins are in early elementary school)

Uh I'm so expert but I don't think he is "fine"

So I have let the school know that DS is really unhappy and refuses school some days. I have asked to come in and help sometime while I check out how DS is doing. I have let them know that I am very concerned about DS and would like to better understand how he experiences school. So far, no response. DH thinks I should just linger in the morning at dropoff...for an hour. Thoughts? This is getting very bad very fast.

My suggestion will not win friends, but it doesn't sound as if they are being very cordial anyway.

I would not linger in the class after drop-off, but would go to the office and politely ask if I could speak to the principal or assistant principal for "just a minute..." Be prepared to wait for a while, and let them know that it is not a problem to wait for a while if they try to say they are too busy. If they can't come out, keep asking for someone else until someone comes to speak with you. Then reiterate that you need to speak to the principal. If no one will come out; leave a written note asking them to call you by the end of the day.

Then tell them that you are following up on your previous conversation/note and want to know what steps they are going to recommend to help your DS "adjust." If you only notified the teacher, this is the time to send a note to the principal and the teacher following up. Don't leave without either a recommendation from them or a timeline for getting a recommendation. Keep escalating all the way to the superintendent if you have to do so.

Gosh, I think it's time to email the teacher, principal and counselor and say something like,

"I've been trying to figure out what's going on in class, as my son is coming home extremely upset and now no longer wants to go to school in the mornings. This is out of character for him, as he is an eager, quick learner. I would like to observe class for a day, but have not been given permission.

I would like to meet ASAP to help solve this problem. But in the meantime, I will be keeping him home from school until we can figure out a resolution that involves me understanding and observing the classroom dynamics so that I can better help my son."

Personally, I wouldn't let my child attend a school where I wasn't welcome at any time of the day.

So the path I've chosen for now is as follows: I've sent a lovely email recognizing that the teachers are busy and perhaps they may have overlooked my request. I've let them know that our situation is deteriorating and my concern has grown. I've also let them know that I will be there at a specific time and date this week in the classroom to help in the classroom and to get a sense of how my son is doing.

So far...no response. Knowing this school (and how wacky and weird it is), I think what may be going on is that they don't want to GIVE me permission - they just want me to show up quietly. Their thinking is most likely, "if we give her permission, then we have to give everyone permission...but if she just shows up we won't stop her". This would not be the first time they have behaved this way. So, I'm going to show up and help out.

In the middle of this we are considering a grade skip and are now investigating 2E issues. It's a big tangled mess that I am looking forward to untangling.

Just an update, I showed up and they acted like they were happy to see me. They let me sit in and watch and help out.

That is great!