Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school How to talk to parents about DS

I only talk to my mother and a couple of others who are parents of gifted kids themselves. But my son though hg+ is not flashy in his abilities. He is also tall (85th percentile) and people just assume he is older I think.

I don't mind it when people comment or question. I've developed a few funny lines that steer conversation away from DD like "Oh yes, she loves astronomy. I cannot wait to take her to a StarTrek convention" or "How long has she been reading? I don't know exactly but she was really motivated to learn to read so she can navigate the app store."

I used to try to downplay her abilities and it backfired more than it helped so I've stopped doing that.

What makes me cringe is when others call DD "perfect" right in front of her. I know I should just take it as a compliment and teach DD that what they really mean is that they see that you're trying your best and making a steady progress. Still, I can see that it's getting to her head ("People think I'm perfect so I must maintain this perception") and I don't like how it's affecting her behaviors.

Avocado, me too! I was smart, til she came along and showed me what smart REALLY is haha. And I definitely have a list of her questions/comments. She likes to read through the things she said when she was little and trying to figure out the whole world, and heaven, and God, the universe, etc.... She used to get really crabby about some things (like the concept of infinity), and she thinks it's really funny now.

If your child had a super accurate throwing arm at that age, would you downplay that ? if a parent noticed what a great climber your child was, would you downplay that ? If your child could dribble a soccer ball with crazy skills, would you downplay that ? I've about had it with people not wanting to "brag", for the fear they'll make another parent feel bad about their own child. There's nothing wrong with being "normal" !! I have no qualms about telling people what a great soccer player my son is - why shouldn't I also embrace his academic side ? It's a crazy world we live in.

I agree completely! I was reading this thread and was really confused about why we need to make our kids seem like less than they are. I'm quite honest about my daughter's skills but I can also commiserate about the frustration of having a Pre-schooler. A lot of times, parents I've talked to have not thought to do things with their kids until I mention my daughter can. I've had parents tell me they didn't know their kids could do puzzles or spell or whatever, until I mentioned my little one could.

I've never noticed putting anyone off, most often we share in challenges and cute stories and it usually ends with them jokingly telling me I've got my hands full. It's not bragging when you have a conversation with someone about your kids, just watch out for making it one-sided, let them tell you what makes them proud. I've found that most parents don't get jealous or feel bad about their kids, they are happy with who their kids are and let them be kids. Just because a kid doesn't read at 2 or complete 100 piece puzzles at 3 doesn't mean that they aren't bright, well adjusted kids. If you're weird about it, they'll be weird about it too and then the kids will be weird about it and it'll be a mess!

That's just my opinion/experience with it.

Depending... it can really put people off. The first time I joined a mom's group with DD at 7 or 8 months, the activity was a 45-minute walk through a wild area. My DD was focusing on birds and squirrels, getting very excited and making almost-distinguishable words naming them. I let her down a couple of times to walk with my fingers along the trail. (I really didn't think this was so unusual.) Their kids were lying in strollers crying because of the sun or the breeze, or maybe napping, or maybe smiling at mom. The moms thought I was making them look like fools. *That* group didn't work out for us.

Last I saw these moms - 10 years after the fact - they hadn't forgiven me. This makes it hard to live in a community where I will bump into them often, and you better believe they will remember and resent DD if their kids are in her class in high school.

It makes me angry to think that others expect me to hide my kid as a matter of courtesy, so I don't. At least the next advanced kid they meet might trigger some memory of another person they knew who was advanced too. I don't go out of my way to brag, but I answer direct questions with 'she's ahead in that topic,' and if they ask how much, they get the answer.

I don't discuss things with them unless asked and then I say things like, " he loves books" or "he does things on his own timeframe" and then smile and move on. Comments that are specific get a smile with "he loves to practice" or something related to effort or hard work or internal drive. My kid seems to have super hearing and I have to assume he hears everything. Comments made as a joke in passing about him pushing me to do things really hurt his feelings once and I have promised myself to never do it again. I treat athletic abilities no differently.

I don't want him to brag or be showy in any area, but I do want him to feel proud and know we are proud of who he is. When I have successes in my life, I don't brag to strangers or coworkers either.

Funnily enough I do get comments about my children's physical skills too. I just laugh and say it must come from their father since I have two left feet.

Like most things it depends on how secure the people you are with are.

I'm glad you were able to voice your opinion that others shared.

During the preschool years, development is an especially sensitive time for most parents. My son is 2.5, many of his peers are behind in speech milestones and some are showing signs of learning disabilities. I think it's important that we are sensitive to other parents' vulnerable state. And like one of the previous comments mentioned, we will be raising our children with this community.

When my son gets older, it won't seem so weird to talk about his skills, he'll blend in more. When they are young, it just looks odd to see such young children having skills you don't normally see (that's why piano prodigies make the news).

When I was pregnant, there were symptoms of my son having neurological issues. When he was born, I just wanted to hear that scream (and wow did he). The entire first year, I waited for every milestone (and so did the doc), just for assurance that he was developing normally. His motor skills were behind in some areas and the doc would say, you never know, he could catch up. That year was wrought with worry. In retrospect, he was fine, but I'll never forget how it felt to see other children rolling over and crawling on time when mine did not. I didn't expect anyone to downplay what their babies were doing and I was happy for them, but, I did go home and say, "Honey, all those babies were rolling over by five months, what if something is wrong!"

I do agree that if we act "weird" about it, then we make it "weird" for them. That's why I asked these questions in the first place. But letting everyone know that my 2 y.o. is teaching himself to read and doing 100 piece puzzles is going to make it weird. It just is, and so I am thankful for all the feedback on this forum topic, including yours.

I think those preschool years are the hardest, since everyone's following those milestone lists. I remember going through a downplaying phase and then realizing that it wasn't fair to my kid to do that.

The easiest statements for me were to say what others here have recommended: "yes, he loves reading" (or numbers, or science, etc)

This hasn't come up as much since preschool, but we had a moment yesterday when I wish we would have discussed responses with my kiddo. I had brought DS9's 500 page book with me at the dentist, while he was in another room. The hygienist commented on what a big book I was reading. I told her it was my kiddo's, and we got into a conversation about kids and reading (she was having troubles getting her 8yo to read). When DS joined me in the office to wait for me and picked up his book, she told him how she thought it was a big book when she thought it was mine, but was really impressed when she found out it was his. They had a pleasant conversation, and he said he liked to read. But then, she said, "You must be really smart." DS didn't respond, and I didn't either (well, I had my mouth open, so I had an excuse). But I thought, hmmmm, we should discuss what to say to that. But maybe saying nothing is fine, too.