Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Advice needed on very difficult teacher

From my experience with teachers with strict and unreasonable guidelines such as Ms. T's, one or btoh of the following factors are in play:
1. Control issues (highly uncomfortable if even one item in the room is out of place and the only way they can feel they know and control their entire world and everything connected to it.)
2. Lack of education or ability in teaching methodology. This is true of the vast majority of K-12 school teachers as most of them were required to only take one class on methodology in college.

Of course it's not going to likely go well if this is pointed out in a meeting, however, I would suggest early on one basic idea be firmly established as the goal of any class, "The goal is to educate the child in the subject matter at hand." Once that is established, the question to refer to is, "How does that practice help accomplish the goal of education of math?"

I have, in the past, needed to inform a teacher that, "Although I appreciate your intent to teach children (insert character trait / moral belief of teacher's choice) as the parent, that's my job and I'll address that as I see fit. What I need you to do is focus on teaching my child the subject matter which you were employed to teach. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

*Edit*
The fact that Mrs. T won't inform you of the topic of the meeting supports the idea that she has control issues. By not allowing you to prepare and have prior knowledge of the subject matter. she controls knowledge and well thought out reply once the meeting does come about.

Agreed. I forced her hand though. I told her I needed to know before I would consent to attend (not in those words, though). Then I changed the meeting date to mix things up a bit and to suit my own very crazy schedule (job + kitchen remodel + kids = chaos).

Here's a good one: she doesn't want the parents to help their kids at all. This especially means we aren't supposed to explain things. She was explicit on these points at back-to-school night and in class with the kids. This has to be a new one in the annals of education. I mean, don't people shout from the rooftops that parental involvement is on of the MOST IMPORTANT FACTORS in a child's success?

So, control issues? Most definitely.

With all DUE respect (dripping with sarcasm) to Ms. T, this is none of her business. Perhaps it escapes her notice that she is your employee, and a rather insubordinate and unqualified one at that. I can't imagine the school is well-served by retaining a teacher who is failing in her primary duty to teach 5th grade math.

How well do you know other parents in the school? What's the word through the grapevine? Would other parents be prepared to put pen to paper en masse?

I agree.
Sorry that your child seems to be stuck with this teacher for now. The whole atmosphere seems to be unhealthy - if she does not believe in babying the children, then instructing them how to staple, draw arrowheads to her specificaion etc counts as babying in my opinion and she has no excuses for doing them (I instruct my 6 year old on these things and he gets annoyed even at that age if I nitpick too much on these things). It seems to me that this teacher is not used to being challenged or called out on her annoying ways so far and has fallen into a rut of thinking that her way is the only way.
Do you have an email list of other parents whose children might be in Ms T's class? If so, you could check with them about what is going on with their kids and approach the administration with your concerns. I am sure that if I were a principal of a school, I would like to know about Ms. T's eccentricities.

How could anyone NOT know?

I agree, although I'd approach the other parents through personal contact, not email.

I am sorry I can't remember details from the beginning of this thread, but I think this is a private school, and I think you are looking forward to another 5 years with the same teacher and no alternative teacher choices - if not, ignore my next piece of advice

Since it's a private school, I would absolutely take my concerns at this point to the principal of the school, and maybe also talk about it with a board member if you know any of the board members well enough to just bring it up casually. As others have mentioned, chances are you aren't the only parent who is bothered by this, and chances are the school's administration already knows it's an issue. As a tuition-paying parent, I'd be very unhappy - I'd be unhappy at public school too - but you have some additional leverage when you are paying tuition. The school most likely does not want to lose you as a paying family (unless they have such a long wait list for admissions they don't care what message they send out to parents). If your school happens to be short of students (not all spots filled), you're in an even stronger position. If your principal seems not concerned, ask him if they would be proud to advertise on their website where they are attempting to attract new students: "In our outstanding outside-the-box 5th grade math curriculum, we teach our students how to staple their papers together".

It's probably easy to be discouraged thinking other parents have most likely already complained, but it's always *always* worth letting the principal know that he has one more dissatisfied customer... you might be the person who pushes just that one extra inch that makes a difference and gets the situation resolved for the better.

OTOH, I'm guessing that continuing to talk to the teacher about it isn't going to help - she sounds fairly set in her ways.

polarbear

Can your daughter manage to pull a passing grade in this class without properly stapling her paper, drawing her arrowheads correctly, etc.?

If so, I would advise her to ignore all the bs. De-stress the class completely for her, make it clear that you do not care what grade she gets as long as she passes and doesn't have to take it again. If she has to have this toxic "teacher" for three more years, and it appears that she is not going to be given any accelerated placements from this person anyway, there is just no point in even trying. Teach her math at home, let her do it online, something -- and for this class, let her show up. Period.

If not, then she may have to figure out (as an exercise for the student) how much of the bs she has to kowtow to, and do that amount only.

Oh, yes, and, of course, complain to the high heavens and anyone who will listen.

Nautigal's strategy is the one that we've used with Connections' increasing load of... hogwash.

Our eyes are on the prize (the diploma) and her actual education, and everything else can pretty much go to the devil at this point.

I will say that such a strategy can work to maintain reasonably good mental health for a gifted girl; even one who is innately an authority pleaser.

Lower grades for non-academic reason should be totally unacceptable.

Why not find another school? Why pay for such a substandard education?

There is no question that this teacher is difficult and very exacting. But that does not mean that is her only dimension. We had a teacher last year who was very exacting and frequently made my child redo work that was difficult to read etc. She once gave a recess detention for a yawn that I'm sure was exaggerated and dramatic, but still a yawn. But beyond that, she really "got" my child and encouraged her individuality and interests and highlighted them to the class. I had been trying to get my girl to slow down for ages and my pleas fell on deaf ears. Having a teacher that held her accountable for her work and for following instructions given was an important step in her education and encouraged her to be more responsible. My daughter says that this was her favorite teacher ever.