Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments UPDATE: Officially w/d to Homeschool...

HappilyMom - I would still tweak the letter just a bit - first, I'd double-check on your school district's policy re who you go through for IEP eligibility process and 504 set-up for homeschool children - it might be your neighborhood school, but it also might be a different district contact. Who that contact is makes a difference in how you word the last paragraph in your letter.

I would take out the phrase "without serious harm" in the last sentence, 2nd paragraph. It's subjective and can be interpreted differently by different people, as well as something that most likely won't accomplish anything specific toward your long-term goals. Yes, you don't want your child harmed in anyway and yes, the classroom situation he was in was harmful - but you don't need to reiterate that here, just keep it simple. Later on, when and if you need to show that, discuss it and show the specific examples to back it up.

This is also a really nit-picky technical detail re the wording, but IEPs are meant for students who need individual instruction, and accommodations are for students who have a disability that prevents FAPE. Some students need both - so I moved the words around just a tiny bit to say the same thing you'd stated but in a slightly different way to be clear that you aren't mistaking an IEP for a 504, if that makes sense!


The other thing I'd do is send a separate thank-you email to the school psych letting her know you're withdrawing ds to homeschool but that you appreciate her efforts on his behalf while he was enrolled.

polarbear

Out of principle, I'd remove "really appreciate" and say "acknowledge" or similar.

I also forgot to mention how we handled this when we withdrew our ds. As I've mentioned in the past, we were also in an unworkable school situation, at the point at which legal action was recommended to us but we use weren't up for that battle and wanted to pull ds and focus my time/energy on supporting him instead of fighting a battle. So I was *very* battle weary and not at all happy with his school. We'd battled through the stage where ds had an IEP but he wasn't getting the help outlined in the IEP and he was also bored to tears with the level of challenge and classroom discussion in the areas of academics that weren't a 2e issue. Combining that with the 3 years I'd already invested in attempting to work with the school that had been beyond frustrating, I had a lot I would have *loved* to say to the school. I didn't think I could write a letter as briefly and succinctly and without emotion as you have, so I chose not to write anything at all. I also said nothing to anyone at the time, we simply took ds out of school and switched him to a private school.

I "wrote" my letter in my head several times over that next year listing out the reasons we pulled ds from school and listing all the things that went right at our next school. I still occasionally rewrite the letter in my head anytime I drive past his old school lol. But I am glad (for me) that I never sent it, because I know for sure there is nothing in writing anywhere that could have accidentally burned a bridge. I also know my ds has no intentions of ever returning to the school and my dds have now also moved on and will most likely never return there. I do suspect that at least some of my kids will return to public school elsewhere in our district at some point in time, and I have seen over the years that teachers (here) move frequently, and that teacher that ds had way back when he was first diagnosed who felt so antagonistic to us - she's gone on to become a principal, and principals move around even more than most classroom teachers. So - there's a good chance that someday, somewhere, at some school, one of my kids may be taught by someone who knew us way back "when".

The other thing is that there was something missing in that letter that I didn't write that was really what it was all about - my ds' voice. He was too young to write the letter himself at the time and too challenged re expressive language to have told a teacher how he really felt about everything. I could have told the school those things for him in my letter, but the bottom line is schools see what parents say as coming from the parent, not the student. Now that a few years have passed and ds is able to express himself, we sat down together this summer and talked through what those years in the classroom were like for him, and we are putting together a small record of it that, combined with my recollections, I am considering sharing with the school district's gifted department to help advocate for the 2e kids who might be in early elementary now. I don't think anything I could have said back then at his old school would have changed anything fundamental in the way the school approached student situations like ds'. But *now* I think that ds and I have the hindsight and calm that comes with working through a situation to be able to take what was negative energy and use it (hopefully) in a small, positive way.

One other thing - after ds' first year at his new school, we ran into the teacher he had during his last two years at the school we left. She'd been there through all the IEP eligibility process etc and was the teacher who wasn't helping, even though I do believe that at heart she's a good person who wanted to help. DS, however, saw her as a teacher who simply didn't care and he'd become very angry at her by the time we withdrew him from the school. She ran into ds and my dh first, and talked to them for awhile, then I saw her (without ds) later on at the same event. When I saw her, she told me how different ds appeared - how he looked so *happy*. And he is (was) happy - and that wasn't something she'd ever seen in her classroom situation. I replied that he liked his new school, that the school had given him the opportunity to work with the accommodations and writing instruction he needed while at the same time allowing him to subject accelerate and encouraged him to be intellectually challenged, and that combination really worked for him.

That was all I said. It's the truth. Did it change anything when she teaches, or at his previous school? I don't know about the teacher, I suspect she'd retained enough memories of those 2 years of his schooling to realize that what I was saying was - y'all didn't provide the few simple easy things he needed, we found someone that did, and it worked. I'm sure it didn't change anything at the school. But I had a chance to say it, at a time when I'd moved past the emotion.

We've recently had a chance to say it again - to the infamous early elementary teacher, when ds and dh ran into her at a different event. So she knows now - in a small way - that ds wasn't just a lazy dumb kid with ADHD (that was her take on him) - and that dh and I weren't just whiny helicopter parents. It's given me more satisfaction for her to have seen ds now than it ever would have given me to have written a letter before. But that's just me.

I suspect that it's going to be such a relief to you to homeschool and be far removed from the previous school environment. Enjoy being with your ds! Those early elementary years fly by so quickly - have fun with them

Best wishes,

polarbear

I too would leave out the really appreciate (even though I included it in my reply lol!). I think I might say "thank you". Acknowledge is a bit dry and might come across as being dismissive. "Thank you" is more polite, without the false praise of "really appreciate".

pb

I have been following your story too. And like the letter MoN suggested. We have been dealing with our share of disability related issues (severe allergies) and 4 weeks into the school year, I am still not happy. I had to do a lot of pushing and pulling the first two weeks to get to a point where I felt that it was somewhat safe to send DS5 to Kindergartener. He doesn't have a 504 but IEP due to some other issues. So his allergy accommodations have been written in his IEP. Our state does not require schools to provide any gifted accommodations so we're not even touching that subject ... unfortunately . My approach since the beginning has been to "get a lot - give a little". But I still feel that homeschooling will be the right choice for us.

Anyways ... I agree with pretty much all the suggestions that have been mentioned here already. I hope your son is happy homeschooled. I know my little guy misses a lot of what we've been doing before the school started because now there's just no time left.

Thank you. Yes good changes on all counts. I will also send a separate email to school psych.

So I have seen nothing locally RE IEP/504 for a homeschool student. Would it work to ask to please send the contact person we should consult for pursuing that?

Ok.. I guess I had not looked. District site does not appear to have a different contact person and site states:

All children who reside in District (including private school students) are entitled to evaluation and special education services if found eligible.

In my state, HS is private school.

So my third paragraph reads:

In accordance with xxx district policy that private school students are entitled to evaluation and special education services if found eligible, we look forward to continuing to work together to develop his IEP to allow him to learn in a classroom environment accommodated for his learning and physical needs. If the contact person for this process has changed due to his withdrawal, please let us know so that we may contact that person.

(I plan to copy the school psych who is the contact at the school.)

My thought is getting OT/handwriting and assistive technology training for him through the school would be great in addition to perhaps adaptive PE?? I need to learn more about what CAN happen... perhaps even counseling/social learning options?

Final input?? Then I will send.

HappilyMom, I just realized that you're in my state, so I know just how it feels to deal with our schools. I already asked about what we get if we homeschool (in the future) and while the special ed director insists DS5 needs to stay in school, she did say he would qualify for some services under his current IEP. But I'm pretty sure they try to give as little as possible, certainly not as much as if he was enrolled full time in the public school. Do some digging on the district website and see if you can find a document that would show all the Special education information for the past year (it's pretty much all about spending ... how much they paid for what and where the money came from). In our district the document showed how much time / money went towards services for private schools and homeschoolers. I found some spending that went to the local private catholic school and some more services for other private schools in the area, but did not find any spending on homeschoolers last year. We might be the first if we pull DS5 out this year. And DS3.5 will most certainly qualify for A LOT if we choose to go that route with him in the future. We are sure the younger one will be homeschooled at least through elementary.
So, going by my experience, I would think the best person to contact would be your district Special Education Director.

Yes. I think that will be true that I will need to contact the Sp. Ed Director... and maybe sometime we can manage a playdate. And I need to remove my district.

HappilyMom, I would find out first what the policy is - I think you can find out quickly by calling the district SPED director (but I'm not in your state so my advice may be really off! - I know that info is easily attainable in my school district). If you found out that you go through your current school then leave it in, if you find out that your current school isn't part of the process, I'd leave the entire reference out simply to keep the letter brief.

polarbear

ps - if you *can't* find out quickly, your paragraph above is fine!