Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments UPDATE: Officially w/d to Homeschool...

Okay we are officially withdrawing our child from public school to homeschool. I never like to burn bridges but I want to be clear that this decision was made because our child was punished for his disabilities. The teacher mocked the pain his disabilities caused to my face in front of the principal and others. She has made school an unsafe place for him to return. How much would you say or nothing at all?

That depends-- on a huge number of things.

Honestly-- and I don't mean this to sound offensive, but it probably will--

did this teacher maim or permanently injure your child? Place his life in danger? Or just temporarily leave you both reeling?

The reason that I ask is that there is (in my mind, at least) a lot of grey area in between clearly black/white discriminatory behavior.

I still think, based on what you've stated, that it comes down to a teacher who is ignorant. I don't believe in punishing ignorance-- but in educating it, where possible.

I say that as someone whose child was openly mocked in an e-mail passed around with a national club athletics organization-- by attorneys and coaches. A disability that really can kill her.

Mentioning that only to note that I get what you're feeling-- maybe even and then some, truthfully.

But I think that you're probably operating in "I'll get even with YOU..." or perhaps "How dare you treat us this way!!"

Neither of those things has a reasonable resolution as a result of anything that you do. It can only escalate the matter, and depending upon the size of your community-- do be careful placing your child in those particular cross-hairs. Word does get around. Mostly that word is going to be that you're a little neurotic and overprotective. (Unfair, I know.)

Here is what I think that you can-- legitimately-- state re: your decision to homeschool:

* attendance was not possible in the absence of a working IEP in the classroom-- the phrase that pays here is "hostile learning environment."

* your child was denied FAPE because of a procedural deficit (they didn't act to have a plan in place when he entered that teacher's classroom).

In other words, they need to fix that. They need some more effective means of meeting their child-find obligations and getting accommodations in place earlier-- what if this were a child who was medically fragile, hmmm? Any teacher with that attitude toward a child with asthma or diabetes could leave the district HORRIFICALLY exposed in terms of legal liability. Point that out.

If you make this about THAT teacher-- your message will not be heard. So don't. Make it about the process instead.

Then-- walk away.

Here is what I'm thinking...

Mrs Principal,

This is to inform you that as of September 16, 2013, our child, DS will be withdrawing from attendance at Elementary. The attitudes and behavior his teacher Mrs. has has continued to display including punishing DS for his Dyspraxia and Hypotonia and mocking the pain he experiences have made her classroom an unsafe place for him. His physical and emotional symptoms have escalated to the point that we cannot leave him in that environment any longer.

We have a few items of Mrs. to return as well as a library book, and DS has shoes, headphones, and school supplies which we would like back. Please advise us as to when we might come by the office to exchange these items.

Me

I'd try to move on as best I could and have as little or no interaction with the school as much as possible. I have a 2e/pg 7.5-yr-old son and had 'issues' with the public/private schools too, though not quite like yours; and I'm now un/homeschooling as a result. I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you and your child. That's totally unacceptable and very upsetting imo.

I would try put my energies into providing the best ways my child could foster and learn at home. If this means going outside the box and being unconventional with learning, then so be it. Your child will be better off.

I'd also say to re-direct your anger to forums like this and others and consider being an advocate for 2e kids, school reform, and un/homeschooling. That's what I did and have done. It helps. Things aren't going to change unless we start to get our voices heard.

As a parent, your job and priority is to ensure your child's welfare and safety and to help him receive an appropriate education. No one will be as invested or motivated to educate your child as you. That's something to always bear in mind.

Oh, yea, you can create a paper trail and contact lawyers, ACLU, the press/media, or anyone else you like. The public school no longer holds authority (or much of it) over you or what you do when you homeschool. It's so empowering!

Your message, while short, reads as very vengeful toward that classroom teacher.

They won't hear what you're saying if you do that.

(Please see my suggestions above-- the answer is to have directives in place BEFORE a child steps foot into a classroom, and to have those things in writing so that a teacher doesn't have the authority to do the things that yours did.)

Send it to the 504 coordinator and the district.

By the time you've gotten to this point, the reasons should be no surprise to the school, because you've had a number of meetings in which you've expressed your concerns, to anyone who would listen.

We've withdrawn our DD8 twice from the same school she's currently attending. She doesn't have any disabilities, but we do live in a state that legally treats the needs of gifted children the same as the needs of any child with exceptionalities. We have found it to be useful to be frank but factual about the reasons our DD has been withdrawn, because the next time she shows up, those reasons are still valid, and there needs to be a plan to address those concerns as a precondition for her re-enrollment.

The principal now avoids us like the plague (yet purposefully gives a fake-friendly greeting to my DD whenever she sees her, which is creeping DD out), but we haven't damaged any other relationships to the point where they're unworkable, and so far my interactions with the new asst. principal have been fairly positive.

As in your case, we withdrew our DD based on the school's failure to respect her rights as guaranteed under the law. I've found it to be fairly helpful to frame it as such. So in your case, if anyone asked why I was removing your DS, I'd say the following, as if I were a bored court clerk reading out charges to the accused: "I am withdrawing my DS because he has a physical disability that has been diagnosed by a medical professional, and the school has failed to offer appropriate accommodations for his disability, as required under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act."

Of course you are correct. I knew my course wasn't exactly right but wasn't sure where to approach. I feel it's a disservice to the entire situation to say nothing. I'm going to think on it a bit and revise.

If you're feeling especially passive-aggressive, you might include verbiage expressing your "concern" for the district's failure to follow federal law re: procedural safeguards.

After all, you wouldn't want them to get into trouble. You know, like they might with a parent more... um... apt to report this sort of thing in a formal complaint to OCR, I mean...


Yeah. Good thing that you're nice people. Not like that.

Nope, don't send that letter. Maybe:

This communicates the need for the 504 asap, and keeps the door wide open to allow him to return. ETA: I masterofnone's version. The one I wrote gets the job done without putting any complaints into writing. I am very, very slow to point ANY fingers. I lifted her first sentence of the 2nd paragraph as complimentary.

Deal with this in a separate communication.
"We have a few items of Mrs. to return as well as a library book, and DS has shoes, headphones, and school supplies which we would like back. Please advise us as to when we might come by the office to exchange these items."