Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Sibling Trouble

oh cym that's so sad. I hope they can work through this.

It is a personal decision that weighs on family dynamics, I think. It's a big decision, I wish you luck and confidence in your decision making process. I think it's so great this conversation has helped. I feel this board has been priceless in working through the tough decisions.
What a special online community here.

Yuck

Oh Boy, three times is a charm.

and now for:


YAY!

Cym,

I admit that I haven't read the whole thread, so this might be "after the fact". I think you can't win and you have to look at the "least-worst" option. My sister was held back a year and we ended up in the same grade from 5th on up. The teachers wanted to skip me ahead a year. I was top of the class; she was bottom. My parents did not skip me because they were afraid of how she'd feel. From 5th - 8th, we were always together because we were at a very small school where there was only one class of each grade. She hated it. I hated it. I was bored and often became the teacher's helper or the "tutor". This was bad for me socially and enraged my sister.

My mom says now she should have gone ahead and put my forward. I was always picked on for being smart (even by the teachers). My sister turned to drugs, alcohol, sex to be "different" from me. She did graduate high school, but barely, and only with my help on a last exam (not cheating, cramming). We are in our 40s and both still carry emotional scars from it.

You are in a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. I guess what I'm saying is make your best gut decision and mitigate the damages (maybe give the older one a special privelege?). At some point, in real life, the older will have to face whatever it is that concerns him about this (and, I agree, it has more to do with little brother being in the same class). Perhaps it is best to let him deal with it now with his brother than to shield him from it and he has to go through it at 26 at a real job where the consequences are much higher.

It's a tough spot. I hope you get to a point of peace within yourself about it.

LOL! no disrespect intended!

Right now I have to say I'm feeling pretty good about our choice to have only one child

I know my brother was pretty upset that I was skipped up a grade so we had to be in high school at the same time, even though I was a freshman when he was a senior and we didn't have any classes together. It was hard on all of us. Both DH and I had tough sibling relationships and bear a lot of scars.

Some siblings are friends others aren't. Good parenting might help, but even with good parenting, some people just aren't gong to be ever like each other. You can only do so much and make sure that they are at least civil in the home, house rules are followed so no one gets hurt too badly.

you guys (gals) are so nice and supportive! I really appreciate it and your advice.

My little sis was definitely smarter than I was (am), but we always got along like best friends. once she skipped 2 grades and was 1 grade behind me, but I always helped her, taught her what I was learning in class. Now, who knows what would have happened if she skipped another grade and was in my class? But that didn't happen. I wish I could foster the well-wishing I felt toward her in my two boys. I don't feel we encourage competition at all--achievement, yes, but I wonder whether there are team-building strategies to help them work together, rather than compete.

Anyway, I'll explore the possibilitiies further. Thanks to you all.

I'm with you acs!

My dd told me the other day that she "gave me permission to have another child" (no one was asking for permission). Unfortunately (or fortunately) this factory is closed (too old!).

She does have two half sisters, so I am sure they will have issues to deal with there. The other day my dd brought her math homework to her dad's house and her older half sister (2 years older) looked at the homework and said "that's too hard, I'm only in 4th grade!"

Fortunately they are in different schools. However, he also has to deal with the fact that my dd is attending a private school while his other two are in a public school. At one point this may be a problem but so far I think it is ok. My dd doesn't live with them to this helps a bit.

LOL! I'm with you, too, acs. We have two boys, of course, but we had an HG+ one first, and we had the second 3 years (almost to the day) later, so even if he's HG+, too, he's not likely to overtake his big brother.

It seems we planned extremely well, too! Good for us!

:p LOL!

Oh, and my sister and I are only 17 months apart--one year in school. I was the shining star, but in any other family, DSis would definitely have been the bright light. It was hard on her to follow me, and we still have trouble getting along (she has a bad case of RE, and we know how well that works with my personality...NOT!). This was without any grade skipping, too.

Actually, now that I think of it, grade skipping her into my grade would probably have been helpful in our case! It wouldn't have bothered me in the least, but it would have been really good for her self-esteem.