Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy UPDATE: Teacher disciplining disability AGAIN

pps- I have no idea why I requoted my own message - I hit the edit button! Or at least that was what I was trying to do - argh!

Thank you! ((hugs)) I need you guys a lot lately.

Here is my modification of the beginning w Polar's suggestions (BTW thanks for reminding me about record--maybe I'll add the library thing):

I believe you may have seen DS' Dyspraxia and Hypotonia at work today during writing. DS was very upset at lunch and told me: "I got a yellow light for not finishing my work in Writer's Workshop! My hand was cramping and I didn't draw a picture. I don't understand how you can get a punishment for not drawing a picture?!" He went on to say that he asked for "apple technology to help with the writing so then drawing the picture would be easy." He said I would probably get a call from him later about it and to be sure I answered the phone.


I do hope you will share with me what misunderstandings or missing details are in the explanation I heard today. DS is very proud of his behavior and wants to do a good job in your class. It means a lot to him to follow the behavior guidelines and "stay green".

Then on with the "as I mentioned in my letter..."

Okay revised with the library incident included (mostly to document disciplining disabilities)... Is this too much?

I believe you may have seen DS' Dyspraxia and Hypotonia at work today during writing. DS was very upset at lunch and told me: "I got a yellow light for not finishing my work in Writer's Workshop! My hand was cramping and I didn't draw a picture. I don't understand how you can get a punishment for not drawing a picture!" He went on to say that he asked for "apple technology to help with the writing so then drawing the picture would be easy." He said I would probably get a call from him later about it and to be sure I answered the phone.


I do hope you will share with me what misunderstandings or missing details are in the explanation I heard today. DS is very proud of his behavior and wants to do a good job in your class. It means a lot to him to follow the behavior guidelines and "stay green".


Last week on the day before we left for our testing trip, DS came home very frustrated and told me that he was not allowed to check out a Hardy Boys book during Library time and had to check out "too easy books" instead because he "didn't come to school with a smile". I'm sure there are some missing details and misunderstandings here as I am sure you would not refuse a child the appropriate reading level because he didn't smile, especially not one with a documented anxiety disorder.


As I mentioned in my letter about his disabilities at the beginning of the year, writing or coloring are often painful and tremendously taxing for him. It is important that he not continue doing those activities when he experiences this pain or begins to get stressed. A break from the activity or an alternate way of completing it usually helps. Fine motor activities will take longer time and greater effort for him to complete than his peers. His OT included suggestions for helping with this in the classroom in the letter I attached to mine at the beginning of the year.


I'd love to hear your feedback about how those strategies have worked or not worked in your class and perhaps others you may have tried. I expect you will soon be a part of his 504 team so I hope we can work together to think of ways to address DS' disabilities and classroom behavior in the days ahead. Anything we can accomplish now should make us even better able to plan the formal accommodations in the weeks ahead.

Interestingly I have not gotten that phone call my son mentioned. I hope the social worker has helped somehow. Still need to send the letter of course.

Personally I would leave the bit out about not understanding why you can be punished for not finishing a picture particularly as it is quoting your son. It makes it sound like he is questioning the teachers ability to set meaningful lessons (which of course may be TRUE but need not be said). I don't understand how I can be punished when I was trying as hard as I could would be better. Maybe outside the quotes as a paraphrase- as simply didn't understand being punished for making his best effort then asking for appropriate assistance (can't remember the official word).

Good luck.

Thanks I'll pull that sentence. It sounded a little wrong there to me too like teacher was being accused or something but was true to his actual words.

HappilyMom, I would keep him home until the school makes ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that the teacher understands and WILL IMPLEMENT any and all accommodations. It is the only "weapon" you have to correct the situation. They are required to provide a free and APPROPRIATE education. My DD had a teacher like this in K and we are still paying the price for it. I kick myself almost every day for not following my instinct and following the advice I am giving you now.

I would email the principal explaining what happened and that you will not be sending your son back unless/until you can be sure the classroom will be a safe place for him. After that it will be in the principal's hands. S/he will determine how best to educate the teacher and ensure your DS receives the appropriate accommodations. I agree 100% with Polarbear - he should not have to ask for accommodations - the adults should come up with a plan to address his needs. But from my perspective this needs to go through the principal, not the teacher. Not *getting* the LD issues is one thing - actively punishing them? Nope. She loses her seat at the table as far as I am concerned. Time to move it up the foodchain for someone other than the parent to explain to her why this is so inappropriate.

(FYI When DD's K teacher actively punished her deficits the school administrators were horrified. The teacher proudly acknowledged that she had done it and fervently believed it was appropriate and necessary. This was not something that I as a parent could address. Her superiors HAD to be made aware of the situation and had to be the ones to address it with her...)

So the teacher wrote back: Basically saying a few details left out lets talk at the meeting.


Pemberley-- Thank you for chiming in here. I remember you have sadly had experience with this and I really take your advice to heart.

I think my plan is to see how our meeting tomorrow afternoon goes. It will probably only last 20 min but I think it will be long enough to get a feel for how this will proceed with her. I also plan to call the Psychologist who wasn't in today and fill her in about my concerns. If the meeting goes poorly I will likely keep him home.

I am dreading this meeting.... things feel WAY way off to me both with giftedness and with disabilities.

I know that you're feeling VERY upset over your son's distress-- that's completely natural.

I would still advise you to go into the meeting with an open mind, though--

and remember-- until you HAVE an IEP/504 plan, accommodations are sort of a grey area. This will be a short-lived phase, one hopes.

You never know-- maybe your DS' account IS missing some salient features that just don't occur to children in the moment. At least she responded quickly and cordially to you. That part of things, at least, feels quite professional. So my advice is-- wait and see what she says. Let her talk while you listen first, then decide what to do with what she tells you.

Listening obligates you to nothing, after all. I might hold off on a call to the psych until you talk to the teacher-- either way, you'll know more about what you'd like to cover.

Good luck!! I hope that it turns out to be a series of misunderstandings and the lack of a 504 plan in place.

I know how you feel.

It sounds like they are trying to develop an understanding of the situation-- the teacher doesn't know yet what to do. You are going to have to be a master educator in helping them know what you know.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. If you can settle some basic things in this first meeting (he can and needs to check out what he wants to read; discipline guidelines that must be followed)-- know that there will always be fine-tuning in subsequent meetings. If people have good will, they learn.

If they don't, you'll know. But I would not assume that going in.

Good luck today.

DeeDee