Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Advocacy strategies

In all seriousness, I will be watching this thread closely, because this looks like our year to really get ourselves together and actually advocate for real. We have the....in some ways fortunate (???) situation of a child who is very sweet and endearing but who WILL cry and become despairing over school if it is not working for him. He is also very outgoing and does not conceal his abilities. Furthermore, he had contact with one of the teachers on his grade team over the summer (she was a counselor at his camp) and she already appears to be familiar with his abilities ("Ah...DSname...yup, we all know about YOU!" was what I heard at back to school.) I think this is something I can leverage a little better than other situations.

I think that one of the most important advocacy tools you can have is an understanding of your particular school's institutional dynamics. When DD started K at what turned out to be a horrible inter district magnet I thought we were dealing with giftedness coupled with some challenges that could be easily overcome. I became "that parent" in a good way. I did anything and everything I could to help out in the school. Every teacher and most students knew me. The principal was out injured most of the year but I harnessed the Asst Principal as a strong ally. This did not help with the bully teacher DD was assigned but it helped get her moved to another classroom. It did not help in any way with getting them to be willing to assess DD for learning disabilities because that was a district wide culture. Suburban kids were there to help with their test scores not to sap resources. I learned too late for DD's sake that it was not a situation that could have worked for her no matter what efforts I made.

When we transferred to our local elementary after her 2E identification I started off grateful as could be. I was in tears thanking everyone for their help. Parent involvement at the school was strictly limited but I joined every PTA committee and volunteered at any and all opportunities. She had a wonderful 1st grade teacher and a wonderful spec ed teacher. However the principal who ran the school was totally toxic and unqualified. She made it her mission to put every possible stumbling block in DD's way. If her anxiety was increased enough DD would be transferred (by us or by the district) to another school and would no longer be her problem.

Once this writing was on the wall I took as opposite a tactic as I could. I armed myself with knowledge and with professionals. We now have an educational consultant, a spec ed attorney and a psychologist well versed in 2E and educational issues. Accountability has become my mantra. I quote the IEP, the law and the district's words back to them. I am always on guard.

I have to say that the last tactic has been the most effective but it is not one I recommend unless/until you have exhausted all others and it is really your only choice. It is not for the faint of heart and has taken its toll on me - emotionally, psychologically, physically, financially - in every way imaginable. In the end we got the district to do everything they could to help DD to succeed, to approve paying for out of district placement when it became apparent that they could not meet her needs themselves and even to remove that horrible principal from her position once we documented enough of what had been going on.

So I would suggest gaining as much knowledge as you can as you try to advocate for your child. Document, document, document. Test scores and work samples go a long way. Professionals to advocate for your position are enormously helpful. Ideally try to deal with the teachers and administrators as partners but prepared if this doesn't work out. Yes they want your child to succeed - they really do. But they have rules and mandates and precedents to worry about. Their top loyalty is generally to their district. You may find someone like that first Asst Principal I worked with who will do whatever s/he can to help but at a certain point they hit a wall. That is just the reality.

Good luck. This advocacy stuff is hard, hard work. I think at some point most of us have beaten ourselves up because we wish we had said or done something differently. I like to try to remember that there is a steep, steep learning curve with this stuff and often times districts take advantage of that fact. They have protocols and rules because they have been down this road before. For most of us it is our first journey or one that has been completed with only 1 or 2 older children. So learn as much as you can, as fast as you can, but understand that you are working within a system that is designed by the district to protect the district. Keep your eyes open and don't be too hard on yourself.

Powerful advice, Pemberley.

Pemb, how is the new school year launching for you?

DeeDee

Well said Pemberley! I completely agree about the learning curve. Our DD is going into 1st grade. We've got a lot to learn. SENG parent groups can be a good resource, but unfortunately our district doesn't have any.

Good luck!

For people interested in learning more about education law you might check out your state bar association for continuing education opportunities in education law.

Here is one in WA:
http://depts.washington.edu/slawd/index.php

This one is a three day conference so it is a bit pricey. These things are usually open to anyone.

I am going to disagree with you a bit, HK. I was recently at a board of ed meeting advocating for the needs of all above level learners. This is one remark I got from one of the board members after my opening statement: "Let the little geniuses go somewhere else then. She how well they do in another school where they are no longer the big fishes. We have other children that have greater needs."

I left that meeting thinking that we were definitely not on the same team. I also left feeling so profoundly sad about the state of education in the US. [/i][i]

Yes, it IS fortunate... Maybe turbulent in the short term, but a kid whose needs are obtrusive is more likely to get them met.

DeeDee

DeeDee--The only thing is that he rarely cried at school last year--just at home. He was very "good" at school. Just eventually became somewhat withdrawn, with occasional tears of frustration about little things. Always perfectly obedient, though. (Not the case at home! But in a school environment, he is very eager to please.)

However, if given an opportunity, I know he will self-advocate. He would go on and on about why pre-K was not working for him last year. But they'd have to ask him.

I say withdrawn, but that's not really right...he was still talkative, but when given tasks, he looked totally sparkless in the classroom. Like a factory worker punching a clock.

I would add to the above:
*Burn no bridges. This is particularly important if your schooling choices are limited. For me, that almost certainly requires that I wait 24 hours before dealing with an issue so that emails and discussions remain as rational and non-emotional as possible. This also means not speaking negatively about school staff in front of your child.
*Treat all staff at the school as the professionals that they are. Acknowledge their expertise even as you gently guide them to see your child's unique needs.
*As they get older, teach your child how to positively self-advocate. That includes appropriate times and ways to ask the teacher for more, and helping your child find a way to talk to the teacher about being bored without saying "bored." In our case, we spend a lot of time talking about what the teacher's job is, and why the teacher is doing what he or she is doing. This gives DD the perspective to talk to the teacher when addressing particular issues where the level of the class was failing to meet DD's needs.
*Say thank you when someone does right by your child. Be specific with what went right. cc the principal.