Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School Please help 7 year old behavior problems

I've been lurking for a while but this post actually made me sign up so I could respond. I typed up a response that hasn't showed up yet but my last one liner did so I'll try this again.

I'll post more later (assuming my first post doesn't show up in the meantime) but I'll start by saying that a huge majority of your post could have been written by me about my just turned 7 year old DS. Two months into grade 1 his main teacher told us we should test for ADHD-Inattentive. Observing him in class I can see how she might have thought that was the problem. He refused to do most work, didn't listen, would flat out disobey her, space out and act completely clueless about what he was supposed to be doing (especially writing). He was a disaster to watch especially knowing how smart he was and how he could concentrate on things at home that were of interest, it was like two different kids. His other teacher (science, art, gym) didn't have a problem and thought he might be bright/gifted and bored. We went through with testing and it was very eye opening. He is gifted/LD (processing speed was 9th %tile). It is a fun combination.

I will say that the teacher that didn't have problems was VERY good at differentiating which I believe helped. It also helped that she had some of the more "fun" classes (he's a science fanatic). We requested more advanced math from the main teacher but were refused because he wasn't finishing any of the work in class. To be totally honest I can't blame him - I volunteered once a week and it was painful to sit through things being repeated over and over and over again. It was a LONG very frustrating year. We have 3 weeks until school starts and I'm already stressed out. Hopefully we'll get a better match and I won't have to battle him every morning (at this point loving school is such a far off fantasy unfortunately).

Good luck!

I am so glad that I found this forum!! I finally feel like I might get a handle on my son, and if not that at least there are some people out there that may understand my plight! I feel like I can talk about his abilities without getting the stink eye, and talk about the challenges they create without someone saying - if he is so smart why doesn't he behave?

The advice and stories that you have all shared has really helped! Thank you!!!

Chay - as a new memeber, my responses took almost 24 hours to post for the first couple so it will probably show up later. my last one (and I hope this one) posted right away so hopefully yours go better soon.

My 2e pg ds7.5 fits a lot of these descriptions and we've been in similar shoes since preschool too. He was misdiagnosed with ADHD and other stuff. I can't tell you the number of times I had teachers or various therapists say he shows ADHD-symptoms.

Ds was in two private gifted schools for pre-k/k and displaying similar behaviors. I can say that the behaviors you are mentioned are most likely directly related to the school setting.

My son has had some testing, but he hasn't fully cooperated with it to get a test score that is more aligned with his ability or performance at home.

I didn't get a chance to read through all the replies but your son sounds a whole lot like mine. He was certainly aware that he wasn't meeting expectations like he was supposed to and it made him feel bad because he just couldn't. This was in a Montessori that I thought was going to be the answer for him (we knew he was super bright and was starting to have issues even in Pre-K). Alas, it was not and this coming year he will be going to a public gifted elementary. I'm hopeful the teachers will be more understanding there and will better be able to engage him in the lessons. He is going into 2nd but last year as a first grader, they had him doing 3rd grade+ work.

He also has visual processing issues so that combined with being EG/PG led to a subpar "performance" in school. Being bored or having vision issues or learning disabilities can certainly lead to behavior that others see as ADHD.

There is a book about misdiagnosing gifted kids with ADHD and it goes through other possibilities. Pretty interesting. http://www.amazon.com/Misdiagnosis-Diagnoses-Gifted-Children-Adults/dp/0910707677

I feel like I wrote your post ! my son is going into first grade this year, we are switching schools as our sister school offers Spanish immersion. Mostly I expect him to be just as bored as he was ( and disruptive) in kindergarten- just in Spanish. 10 + 10 in spanish is just as boring as it is in english!! I am trying to get the school to place him in the. 3rd grade gifted program ( a mere 4.5 hrs/ wk) but they think I am just a pain and I should just wait to see how school goes.. Of course it won't go well because he will be bored out of his mind and then they will say he is not mature enough to go into the gifted program. It's a double-edged sword. I know public school is probably not the ideal setting for kids that are so far ahead if the others, but here in NY we have two gifted schools and they are very expensive and far! We may end up going that route if he starts to get negative with school again. We did a gifted camp this summer a d behavior was good, counselors were impressed and placed him in grade 2 -5 gifted and he was still the most knowledgeable! I suggest you get a letter from camp detailing his behavioral and academic progress and show it to your school, along with testing. Our school tested my son for us, but are still not willing to advance him due to behavior ONLY at school as well. Get research together (Davidson articles, etc) and be as sweet as pie and get what your son needs. You are the boss of his education!

This was something my DD's school was hinting at, when they suggested DD "use her giftedness to probe deeper into the material," or something to that effect. And while I think that's certainly something that can happen, I think it was wholly inappropriate at the 1st grade level, because:

- It needs to be spontaneous and child-driven, not a requirement for every assignment ever day.

- At that level, there are too many things that don't get any deeper, like the aforementioned 10+10.

- It effectively shifts the responsibility for teaching and engaging my child from the responsible, paid adults to the 7yo child.

So yeah, we basically looked at the principal like she'd just uttered a four-letter word.

Thank you! It is nice to see this balance and I wholeheartely agree! I honestly think this is one reason why it had gotten as bad as it has. I strongly feel that kids should learn to behave and respect their teachers no matter what they have to do. I have never been the parent that thinks their child is perfect or that they can do no wrong. I know that he has been disruptive and I want to help him not be in any way I can. I started out with the belief that he is ahead so what he really needs to learn is the social and behavioral side. That while the other kids learn to read etc. he can learn to be a good student/classmate. I have sided with the teachers for the most part and talked with him daily about apropriate behavior and options he has for making better decisions (though at times I have wanted to throttle the teachers for some of their decisions but they are the athority figure at school and he needs to respect that). Despite that, we have experianced the teacher getting defensive and upstet anyway, because I mentioned that some of it - by no means all - may be because he was bored even if it didn't excuse it in any way at he is still responsible for his actions, just that if she challenged him a bit more it may get a bit better. Wrong path....

Overall I am just hoping that by testing I will have some "proof" that he is advanced and then have weight behind my case. Then it isn't mommy saying her baby is gifted and why arn't you treating him special? It is a test showing his strengths and weaknesses and how can we work with them?


This is the peice I think was missing the most last year, he would tell me the things that went wrong but no matter how I tried to pull them out he wouldn't tell me good things he did. He focused solely on the "bad" behaviors and internalized them rather than looking at the fact that he also did xyz that was good. We are going to have to work on that this year.

Thank you for the book recomendation, I will have to check it out.

I hope the new school works out for you guys! I wish we had options like that here. In my district the gifted program doesn't start until 3rd grade - the whole they level out by 3rd idea at work, and I am sure with his behavior they wouldn't even consider him. sigh.

I am very skeptical of this idea of "enrichment". To me it just looks like "nothing, disguised as something".

I know what you mean. I had asked for the teacher to give me a note every day about his behavior (good and bad) so I would know what had happened and could have better discusions about the day with my son. It didn't need to be long - just a sentence or two, the highlights. Her respose was that we want to teach the children to be responsibile for their actions so if he wants it he will have to ask for it. My thought was WTF? A 6 year old is supposed to ask for a note for his mom every day? Yeah right! Some things need to be child driven, but that is not one of them.

I think that in some assignments my child would do that if he was encouraged to, but as you point out there are assginments that would never work with. And while my child does that at home with me, he has been encouraged to ask questions and be engaged in topics. I let him use books or the internet (guided/supervised) when I don't know the answers, but he loves to study "with" me when I have the time. I think at school he has not been alowed to ask as many questions or go as deeply as he would like. So he doesn't try. He is very black and white, if he was told no before, he likely won't in the future, sometimes breaking that pattern with him can be very difficult. So not only is that not always appropriate, but you have to have a teacher that can encourage it and make the child feel like it is ok to do those kinds of things.

He is also one to hide his abilities only doing what is expected and not an ounce more. He wants to be just like his classmates, wants to fit in and be like them. I guess it will take him longer to learn that he isn't like them (speaking from experiance, it took me a long time too). We have discussed that teachers only know what you can do if you show them and if you want harder work you have to show them you can do the work you are being given, but it hasn't seemed to help much.