Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Need a "party line"

Yes, it's good that DS is taller than average, too. Today is his half-birthday. He's 5 1/2, 46", 45 lbs. According to the growth chart that's about 80th%ile.

Big time

1. I don't think I'd say that your son wanted to move up. Anything you can do to make it a parental decision makes it easier on him, I think. All too often, I think there's a choice between having your kid be "that kid" or your being "that mom." I virtually always pick being "that mom." I can take it; he might not be able to. Take responsibility. The tuning out thing is good, I think. It sounds like a bigger problem than boredom. Good move there!

2. The only one you really have to ID fast is the Negative Nellie. She's either threatened by your choice (ala my former-teacher "friend") or she's the one who wants to judge you and make you feel bad. You don't know her until she reveals how she feels about your decision through some snide comment (like that first one you listed) or through my "friend's" comment, "I don't understand what's wrong with being bored for two years until the GT pull-out kicks in." That's when you realize you've got a Nellie on your hands.

Your best defense is to refuse to accept her judgment. Period. She can only be mean to you if you give her that power over you. A shrug is your best move with her. She thinks you're wrong, but so what? It's not her call. Don't engage at all. Don't take it personally, even when she's clearly making it personal. Being emotionally clueless is a good thing with her! (Said Spock...)

The other two are curious. Maybe it's gossip, maybe it's interest in your child, maybe it's just something for her to chat with you about because it's all she knows about you. It doesn't really matter which, since it all comes down to curiosity.

Even if she is gossip-seeking, she's doing you a favor by giving you a chance to feed the rumor mill with the truth, and the truth with a positive spin, no less! Take the chance! Just don't oversell it. Confidence is your friend.

Someone truly curious will ask follow-up questions. Someone just killing time and asking about the only thing they know about you will be happy to change topics if you go another direction. Try to gauge interest vs. boredom so you don't say more than is strictly necessary.

I'm lousy at this last bit, BTW. I always talk more than I should! I'm working on it...But on the bright side, I've gotten really good at spotting the Negative Nellies and sidestepping them. And personally, I think that's the one that really counts!

Ok. I don't mind being "that mom". Actually, I already am What about, "His teachers and the principal agreed that first grade is a better placement for him." Maybe I can pass the buck to them...

And thank you, Spock, for your advice about Nellies. The particular Nellie who said that to me didn't really upset me much, but I was surprised and at a loss for words. Her DD seems GT to me and we used to talk about Kindergarten stuff before DS was skipped. Now I feel like I am walking on eggshells around her...maybe unnecessarily. It's just hard for me to tell. I offered to share some information with her but she didn't seem interested. Right now, we are just avoiding the topic.

Often, when I mention research, people's eyes glaze over. I guess I'm the only person who's interested in that kind of thing...besides you guys of course!

Any pointers on what kinds of things to feed the gossip mill other than DS is happy and doing well in first grade?

I think I'd put yourself in the group. Better to feed the gossip mill info that you're a team player, you know? But with the minor adaptation of "The principal and teachers *and I* all agree that this is a good fit for him" or something like that sounds great to me, FWIW. (Not much! Please don't think I'm some expert at this! I'm SOOOOO not!)

I felt the same shock and loss for words when I ran into my Nellie. I really blame my graceless response on my unpreparedness to meet with such willful ignorance and lack of support from someone who was supposedly my friend. Not my finest hour, to say the least! But it was a good learning opportunity. I figured out that I should never again be left at a loss for words. Forewarned is forearmed and all that...

I wish I had good advice about how to be around your Nellie, but my Nellie vanished from our social group for several months after our run-in--I don't know if it was because of our run-in or not--and then I was absent because I was teaching a class that coincided with our meeting time. So it's been somthing like 8 months and I have yet to be around her since the incident. I'm sure it will be uncomfortable though.

LOL about the research making eyes glaze over! I must admit, I never go there with anyone, no matter how sincere the interest appears. If they were interested at all, they'd probably be able to cite the research to me! Ha!


Nope. That sounds just right to me! Maybe that the school approves of the skip and that you're playing team, but that's about it. Happy and not a social outcast is pretty good material, I'd say!

It's been a long time since I had to break the news to someone we know, but when meeting new people, I just say that we homeschool and leave it at that. I smile and allow them the chance to make a comment or ask a question, and if they do not, I let it go. I figure if they want to know why, they'll ask. Very few do. This past w/e, for instance, my sister's SIL (who I see once every several years) asked me what grade my son is in. I replied that he would be in either 5th or 6th depending on the state, but that he was homeschooled. She said NOTHING at all, which I took as a hint that she had some preconceived notions and was uncomfortable with the subject. I chose not to pursue it, though I would have been happy to discuss it with her had she been inquisitive.

I think some people's discomfort may relate to guilt over not doing more advocating/homeschooling/etc for their own child.

Even my mom has run into Nellies! She told me that just the other day she was talking to my uncle on the phone. He asked how the kids were doing, she said fine, he asked if they were enjoying school, she said yes. He asked what grade they are in now, she said DS is in 1st, DD in 3rd, he said, "Wait a minute! I thought DS was 5?" She said he is, but that he had been moved to first. He said, "I don't really think that's a good idea!" She didn't really know what to say to that, either. I think I will tell her to say something like, "Well, it seems to be working well for DS."

Good point. If you think she's "one of us," you obviously want to support and encourage. Maybe that's the elusive 4th category? Wondering (if her child is GT) Wandas?

Imposter syndrome!!! I've been thinking the very same thing "Well no one ever said that about my child."

How about: "We (parents, principal, teacher), as a team, decided that he would learn best this way".

Unfortunately, there will always be Nellies that will have negative stereotypes about any non-traditional approach to education no matter what you say. But at least we have this board for validation-- we all need a dose now and then...

Just Adding my 2 Cents Jool