Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How to stop comparisons to pg by other g parents?

This reminds me of an afternoon back when DD was 3 and we were visiting a friend with her 3 year old son. She asked me to teach him how to read.

(I actually tried! What an eye opening afternoon that was for me)

First, to me, it seems like you just don't like this person. That she rubs you the wrong way.

I am not there, but I think you may be over-interpreting her questions. I often ask questions about curriculum because when I home school, there are so few other parents of gifted children to talk to. I don't know why you wouldn't just be straightforward and matter of fact about your child's curriculum, instead of imagining that she will respond poorly.

I also think you have no ability to tell if her child is HG, PG or whatever level of G. As someone who works with gifted kids (certified EC-6, gifted) and has one HG, one PG child according to WISC-IV, it is very difficult to know what level a child is unless you take time to spend with them, test them, see what their milestone history is, etc.

I would either, decide she irritates you and not associate with her, or give her the benefit of the doubt and share information with her. I think their is a chance you are participating in the competition part and perhaps you need to be honest with yourself about it.

I've been trying to put a lid on some of what my ds7 shows (ie. his Tikal Times or Codices or a book on the Chavin). However, ds7's so eager to share what he's read and learnt that he can't help himself using the vocabulary or terms. He thinks other kids will be interested too. Of course, most kids have no clue what these terms are or what he's talking about, but ds7 seeks to enlighten them or more like teach them.

I think ds7 just finds it more exciting to play in his world of Mesoamerica than the lens of a more NT child. As a result, he'll start talking about Aztec gods or assigning others to be from an ancient civilization (ie. one to be a Toltec, another to be a Mixtec, and another to be a Mayan) when they play pretend games. In most cases, the other kids go along with it and join in with his ideas.

Then, the other parents overhear what my ds7 says or does; they do a double-take and turn their heads. This is the point when I want to hide under the table or rug if one was available. I usually blush and just shake my head, laugh, or plead ignorance on where or how my son got these crazy ideas or how he got interested in these subjects.

Usually most other parents smile or laugh about ds7, but unfortunately, some people get caught up in what ds7 is doing or saying and how their child isn't doing or coming up with similar ideas/words/etc. These parents refuse to believe that some children can come up with crazy ideas on their own or become experts on something that they're ignorant on. They think I MUST be directing him in some capacity. And, of course, I'm not. Instead, I often feel like ds7 is directing me! And of course they'd never believe that one.

I don't believe my son (6) is PG, but he does this also with his Kindergarten class. On his "share day" he wants to bring in his anemometer and talk about wind speed. I've had to nix that idea because he's in a typical classroom (non-gifted) and those kids barely know about wind, let alone a way of measuring it's speed.


When DS was around two, I was in Target and a mother came in with her two twin (?) pre-teens. I overheard the conversation between the siblings and my head whipped around. These kids were conversing (arguing points, actually) on a level seldom heard between adults, let alone twelve-ish year old children. I was sorely tempted to hail her and pick her brain on where her children were when they were two because at that stage, I realized DS was beyond the baby book milestones...way beyond.

But that being said, one would think mothers and fathers of gifted children would understand that there are different levels and not get so "freaked out" about it as you describe. It is what it is. The kids are all on their own path...get over it, right?



This sounds suspiciously like parents of typical children. Of course you understand what I mean by "typical". (I hate the term "normal", btw.) Are you sure these are parents of bonafide gifted kids?

I guess I don't understand. I have never worried about my kids "fitting in." I always figured they would find their way, sooner or later, to peers, and they have. When my son was 6, he was obsesed with the presidents, he knew every one, their birthdates/death dates, their term dates, their vice presidents, vice presidents birth/death dates. All of them. He went to a NAEYC 1st grade class, and had no issues expressing his passions. One student in his class was developmentally delayed, they became good friends. I just don't get worrying about other people's reactions. It is a part of life. Would you worry about your child of they were developmental delayed, appearing to be delayed?

Some parents would. I'm becoming certified to work with developmentally delayed kids, and one of the focuses that we're being taught is to respect their dignity, and give them space in the class if they don't want us hovering over them (ie peer acceptance).

That being said, I'm over worrying about my kids being different (it was harder when they were younger though). I think it's easier if you were different yourself (which I was... and I'm ok )

Not everyone feels this way though, and I think many parents wish their kids had the ability to blend, to save themselves from peer rejection.

I am amazed that anyone receives any judgement about their gifted child in America. You seem to have fantastic support and education for your kids. In Australia, we have nothing. I would think that parents would be used to gifted kids by now in your country.

One of my DS8's best friends is what could best be described as 'slow' and it doesn't bother either of them one bit. There is so much more to what I would call 'personal validity' than just cognitive abilities.

Do you really care if competitive people hate you? If you're sure the other parent isn't just worried that their child is behind (I usually laughingly say "don't worry, that's not normal"), then why would you want someone in your life who's going to be either thinking you're boasting or boasting themselves. Or they'd be making notes on where you bought your shoes or the square footage of your house or something equally silly.

I do just say pass the salt / how about this weather if I end up in conversation with someone like that. Luckily, I really don't know any hothousers. Some acquaintances, but I just avoid them, really.

(I'm trying to avoid using the term Tiger Mom after realising how hard it is for non-hothousing asian mothers of gifted kids to overcome the stereotype)

I'm not sure about this. The main thing that I've seen in the US with, as you mention, the focus and support for the education of gifted kids, is the assumption that "gifted" is not an innate difference in a person, but rather something that we have developed through proper education or parenting. It has tended to lead to a lot of competition: "little Johnny got into the gifted program," or it reflects positively on me as a parent that my kid is gifted, for instance.

If you look at our national organization dedicated to the education of gifted kids, the NAGC, they currently subscribe to a talent development model of giftedness. One of their publications on their website talks about this in a manner that, to me at least, makes it sound like we can "make" kids gifted through our interactions with them:

emphasis mine
http://www.nagc.org/index.aspx?id=164